1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Is it OK to live together with your Spouse before Marriage?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by khylen, Jun 17, 2009.

Is it OK to live together with your Spouse before Marriage?

  1. Yes,It's Okay

    20.3%
  2. No, thats wrong

    39.2%
  3. Depends on the situation

    38.6%
  4. I don't know

    2.0%
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. khylen

    khylen New IL'ite

    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Share your view on couples living together before getting married. Is it acceptable or not? Lets discuss here..
     
    Loading...

  2. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    3,369
    Likes Received:
    365
    Trophy Points:
    183
    Gender:
    Female
    I lived with my hubby before marriage. My family did not agree to our relationship, so I moved out to be with him. As for right or wrong, I can't really comment. The only thing I can say is, it was the "right" choice for me.

    When I hear people say "live together before marriage" I think they are indirectly implying "have sex before marriage." So if that is the question, yes, I also had intimate relations with my hubby before we were married.

    The reason why I admit that so freely is, I think we must stop viewing a woman's worth in terms of her virginity. Reality is, most men are not virgins when they are married. Relationships are a natural thing in life, sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. If they work, we get married and we are viewed as "good girls". If it doesn't work, we are thought of as "bad." But actually, both "good" and "bad" girl had done the same thing, just had a different outcome.

    However, please don't think I'm advocating wreckless sex! No no no! I would always advise waiting until you are married or with the person you intend to marry. Reason being is, once you are involved physically with someone, your emotions get clouded. You feel very attached to your partner, and due to this attachment you might not always make the best decisions, especially if the best decision is to break up.

    The only other word of caution I have about moving in with a boyfriend or girlfriend is, know that it's what you want. Once you take that big step, the next progression is usually committment, marriage, etc. If you find yourself not really in love with the person you are living with, it's ten times harder to end the relationship than if you were living seperately. Also, don't rush into a live in relationship. I had dated my hubby nearly a year before we started living together, and we lived together about 7 months before we were married.

    Sometimes I hear people say "living together" is like a trial run, to see if they like the idea of being married. But you know, I think that just cheapens the relationship. Getting married is not like buying a car where we take it for a "test drive." When we commit we should commit fully with our heart. Almost from the beginning me and my dh wanted marriage, so there was never any question of backing out. I moved in with lots of confidence in him, knowing whether I was "girlfriend" or "wife" he would be there for me. In short, living together before marriage is not the biggest issue, it's what our intentions are by doing it.

    JMO.
     
  3. sonusun

    sonusun New IL'ite

    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    It depends. I did live in with my dh for about 1 month before my getting married to him. Reason was i was working on a project in a different city & luckily it got over a month before my wedding date & I had to vacate my apartment & I just moved in with my future dh with my luggage, stuff, furniture etc.
    No we did not have sex BUT waited till we got married(we came back to india had a huge wedding with our family & friends blessings)

    I really enjoyed that 1 month living in with my BF then
     
  4. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,481
    Likes Received:
    30,224
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    I agree with what ASG has said. Thank you ASG for saving me the effort.

    I always had roommates who used to leave at short notice, and I used to be left with no roommate and a 2 bed apartment to pay for. Used to vacate the apartment, and move in with my then boyfriend (?). We were serious about each other and marriage, and old enough too (early to mid-20's), and were only waiting for parents to give the nod. So, yes, we have lived together on and off before marriage, and yes, we did not only sing bhajans during that time :rotfl

    Would echo what ASG has said about being very careful, and aware of the cons. Emotions do get clouded, and any needed breakup that much more difficult.

    Rihana
     
  5. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    3,369
    Likes Received:
    365
    Trophy Points:
    183
    Gender:
    Female
    Rihana, you are too funny :rotfl
     
  6. Ajith

    Ajith Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    124
    Likes Received:
    63
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Male
    And the basis for your sweeping generalization is?
     
  7. MrsV

    MrsV Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    607
    Likes Received:
    18
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    Its perfectly ok to live with your hubby before marriage, I don't know why it wouldn't be if that's how things work out for the couple! I wouldn't judge anyone on that. It was like people judging me because I lived at home with my parents when I was working and came back from college, my coworkers couldn't fathom that - one even went on telling me that I had issues leaving the nest and that my parents are doing harm by fostering this behaviour!! :bowdown

    To each their own, the circumstances of your life should detemine how and what you do, not people who could really care less and judge you either way. Living with my then fiance was not an option for me, I didn't have to and neither did he and not having been in a predicament where I needed to make that choice, I will say that I wouldn't have done it either, because we both wanted to live in our first place as husband and wife, and it is as simple as that.

    And I wanted to add about the act of consumating your relationship, not my religious, cultural or traditional view, but I think sex should be saved for the marital bed. Emotional detachment to someone after you get physically involved is near impossible, they are forever part of your life.
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2009
  8. MrsV

    MrsV Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    607
    Likes Received:
    18
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    I did have the same thought when I read that line, but to her defense, she did say most, not all.
     
  9. khylen

    khylen New IL'ite

    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    I agree with all of your comments..Living together before marriage is absolutely fine.It depends on how you see it.Older generation people are still unable to digest this fact due to their mentality as well as the enviroment they were brought up.We as younger generations are able to accept it openly because of the exposure we get these days.

    Especially we as indians,its a big no no for our parents to see us living together before marriage.For them the term "living together" equels to sex sex & sex. They make it sound as if one is that desperate.. :rant(pist off)

    Ive been living with my love for the past 4 years.The situation was tensed that we made our minds up.At first it was a little difficult in terms of rules&regulations, cooking ,maintaining the house...but as days passed by we had overcome all those tiny little problems and we are just doing fine.Its like a trial phase.Once we get married, life is gonna be much more exiting cause ill be eligible & well prepared for a bonus..Baby!! :thumbsup

    Life is so beautiful & we should embrace it while we can..Have fun ladies!
     
  10. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,431
    Likes Received:
    2,180
    Trophy Points:
    340
    Gender:
    Female
    And most women are virgins?? I guess it's not about men or women.. - Its an individual's decision. Period.

    Now I voted No. ;-)

    I guess avoiding physical intimacy is NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE when living under the same roof and not to mention the emotional bundle that comes with sex. I don't want to put myself in a vulnerable position when it might not work out and I am scarred for life - emotionally.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page