Prenup Agreement Before Wedding

You must think things over..... even if it feels like over thinking.

I noticed that his money had impressed you a little bit. That is good, if he shares it with you, and hands it over, and let you manage it. However, there is a negative side to it, especially if he does not share it with you. This would also depend on what your taxable income is.

Here is a thought experiment for you on taxes in the USA, on the concept called "marriage penalty" in taxation. If you two were to be living separately, not married, and file taxes as two single people (your case is "head of household", coz. you are a custodial single parent), your total taxes might often work out to be smaller-- (especially when you are also making good/substantial taxable income) -- than if you two were married and file taxes jointly. You can do this math quite quickly (because the doctor had already told you his income) and see it for yourself.

And then there is this aspect about your US visa status that is yet to be mentioned on this thread. Does your USA residency status help him adjust his H1b to something more permanent after the marriage ? Add this thought to your overthinking, and that might also throw a new light on the prenup'/future-divorce scenario, should you be married to someone whose H1b got adjusted to something more permanent with your sponsorship.

 

Prenup comes into the picture where either party has significant assets they don’t want to lose control over if marriage doesn’t work out. Especially if you live in a community property state where after marriage or 7 years of living tog everything is divided equally people do use prenups.
He’s been married before, has assets it makes sense he is saying this. You already have a baby so this may come up with other people also.

I couldn’t understand your second point. If you enter the marriage with a kid then You can’t force the guy to pay alimony for your kid if he’s not the biological dad. Just as if you married this guy would you say it’s fair if he says now my ex wants alimony let’s pay out of our joint account? You don’t want to be stuck paying for his ex’s and kids alimony right?

So actually his suggestion of you keep yours I keep mine, let’s do a prenup, makes sense to me. It shows he’s thinking about this seriously and trying to figure out a way that’s fair to both. Other men may also suggest same so do talk to a lawyer about it.

Your seem to have an ideal scenario of meeting someone who marry you, adopt your baby and take care of both for life or pay alimony if don’t work out. Such men are rare. What this doc proposed is what you will encounter in reality.

Btw why your baby’s dad is not already paying alimony?

 

Run don’t walk.
The fact that he has abandoned his child would be enough of a red flag for me. He is making a lot of money as a doctor and seems very transactional in his approach. When someone shows you who they are believe them. It’s better you are finding out all this ahead of time. There are quality men out there. Don’t lower your standards.
Btw, I don’t think it’s entirely reasonable to expect a future spouse to legally adopt your child. In most cases the biological parents work out custody and child support between themselves.

 

I personally think Pre-nups are a great idea, in love or arranged marriages.

I am surprised by the backlash, considering the transactional nature of Indian marriages, it’s actually a smart way to bring clarity regarding how assets will be dealt with. I don’t see it as an issue regarding trust, but making things transparent. I think it’s also a good way to see if a person thinks fairly, in general. When there is actual conflict, they do not, and a legal document binding them to their word can potentially prove to be invaluable. People may not agree with me, but this protects the women too.

There are people who have given up their right (legal custody) of their child. It does happen, and I think it’s tragic. I was encouraged to do so, but luckily I refused during my separation. Maybe this guy felt like he was able to continue being a father to his child from a distance. It might seem like a red flag, so I think the circumstances should be examined some more (though I don’t exactly know how). I don’t actually know how he has given up parental rights, I’ve never needed to research this.

Adopting your child... something like this takes time. Just because a man marries a woman with a child, does not mean he is going to act as the father of the child. This relationship is tricky and many men would hesitate to commit to this.

I feel like you are thinking in terms of marrying this guy for the value he will bring to your life- financially, socially, security etc. He might be thinking the same thing, that this marriage is a transaction. In that case, a pre-nup is smart. If you were thinking emotionally, if you really liked this man and how he has enriched your life and perspective, I can see how you may be offended by his suggestion for a pre-nup. But take it as your safety too.

 

I think what he said is possible. The dirty secret behind all this enforcement of alimony and custody rules etc etc is that ultimately the courts don’t want the kid to become a public charge ie., have to be supported by the state. All the blah blah about child’s wellbeing safety etc at its root has only one aim which is to ensure one or both parents or family members take responsibility for the kid and its support doesn’t fall on the taxpayers.

As long as that won’t happen they will give leeway. The scenario you describe is more common when both parents and kid are USCs.

In this case the ex was on h4, so not a citizen probably an Indian. She must have said in court that if dad renounces all the rights she will take to India and raise him and not ask for alimony or public assistance. And shown all her India assets as ability to give him a good life. Since he didn’t contest it and agreed to revoke all his rights judge would have allowed it.

 

The prenup agreement doesn’t need to be so one sided. You are listing all the things that you are bringing into the marriage. What is he bringing in? What is he agreeing to do for the marriage? Try to understand what is “ours”, that both of you are invested in.