Conditional Marriages- A Repost

Recently while enjoying a humorous talk show on the TV, I was taken back when an eminent person belonging to the film fraternity whose talk till then was sprinkled with humor suddenly took a serious turn.The cause was some one from the audience asking his opinion about young girls of marriageable age, putting unreasonable conditions before marriage.I could feel the speaker's BP rising when he shouted at all those invisible young women,putting silly conditions at potential grooms, due to which many eligible young men were made to wait the long quueue for the D day. "When are you girls going to get married,in your 60s or 80's",he roared and thumped his fists in anger. Seriously it was a serious issue,no laughing matter.


The star of the talk show pulled down those potential women brides for taking such disastrous decisions (which I felt was taken in their own interests) while they were in the process of choosing a partner . He said it was those conditions which broke up alliances right at its nascent stage.He asked all the young men eager to tie the knot,to wake up from their lethargy and to put an end to such nonsense even to the extent of cancelling official engagements or marriages.For the viewers this show was all the more dramatic with a good deal of cheers and some emotional tears thrown in between.tsk!tsk!


I remember my 70 year old grand mother carrying my horoscope, walking to the potential grooms house in the hot burning sun, in her worn out Hawaii chap pals,hopping and changing three buses to reach their destination only to be told bluntly that the alliance was already fixed. Not even the basic courtesy of offering a cup of water or a few kind words. Many times I stood speechless at her pitiable plight but mad as she was in her search for a groom for me, she ignored such indignant treatments and moved on to her next target. Why nobody shouted during those times when even basic courtesy norms was thrown to winds, when parents of eligible girls were made to run from pillar to post,just to finalize an alliance.


Years have rolled on and there are no more girl looking boy rituals, like presenting the girl in traditional attire along with sweet,Kara,and coffee,asking her to do catwalks, prostrate before everyone including the boy, make her sing songs - in fact nothing a self respecting girl would have agreed to do. In fact she was treated more like a circus artist rather than a lifetime partner. All the tamasha at the cost of girls side including the train fares if the boy and his family resided in other part of India and all this in return with a simple postcard announcing the regret in finalizing the alliance. Dark complexion,lack of good looks, poise,charm,family background,poor financial status,these were simple excuses to turn away a girl. Her good education,her scholarly attitude, her impeccable character,- valuable things which enrich life in the long run were just brushed aside. If the alliance turned positive, there were fish market bargains like dowry,a pair of diamond studs, diamond ring for the groom, 50 or 100 sovereigns of gold,swanky car,apartment, bank deposits? Even a daytime robber would have looked more decent!


There are a number of young married woman professionals-doctors,engineers and their likes who are forced to chuck their jobs at the insistence of their husbands when it comes to taking care of their kids.There are many women who have to fight for their rights for helping out their siblings in their studies financially or help their ailing parents by taking over their medical expenses, issues which have caused serious rift in marital relationships.


So what if a girl puts conditions that she will continue to work even after marriage or will help her parents financially? There may be a handful of men species who respect their wife’s altruism and support her wholeheartedly, but many of them are ready to chop her wings in her pursuit of freedom to do what she wants.Just one look at our great film actors will show how deep their bias is against women getting back in to their profession post marriage .


The present generation of girls are well educated and have a mind of their own.Their independent financial status with an excellent job gives the extraordinary courage and confidence which the girls of the previous generation lacked. Now the tables are turned and it is the girl who is seen giving orders and conditions.So what is the big deal? Why so much of hue and cry.


The day when every woman is recognized for her education,talent, courage, confidence and self respect by her husband,in laws,and the society,that is the day when any marriage can survive. Marriage is an unwritten contract between two individuals where the individual private space should be respected and adhered. It is not the quantity of years spent together between the husband and wife but it is the quality of relationship -where a woman is respected and treated with concern, shown genuine warmth,compassion, where she has the right to choose her friends,pursue her hobbies and where she is not used as a door mat or a sleeping partner.Amen!!!




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Agatha83, Nov 28, 2015Report
#1+ QuoteReply
sindmani, Sinant, Shisaa and 16 others like this.

 

Dear @satchitananda,

You have hit the nail on the head. On one hand, the society encourages women to be educated and financially independent, but when it comes about protecting the interests of men, independent women become an excellent target to vent their hate and anger.

Agatha83

 

Dear @sln,

You are a few among the handful of men, who revere their wives so much so, that their absolute love for their wife reflects in all their actions, through out their life.

I have seen men in their eighties who still want to have absolute control over their wives. The other day a couple in their eighties while alighting from a car near a temple, the lady had trouble in getting down and the husband instead of helping her started shouting, as to why she longed for an outing, unmindful of her health, right in the middle of the road.

Women who are well educated, have their financial freedom, need not look for a husband who can bring her riches. Nowadays women make their financial decisions with professional help. It is those BPL women who have to undergo untold miseries under the garb of marriage. Neither the parents, society or Government is ready to help them, resulting in scores of suicides, family murders etc.
Thank you for your valuable feedback.

Agatha83