Should I Be Worried Or Let It Go?

user100 · Jan 1, 2020

Hi All,
My husband drinks a glass of wine at least 4 days a week. When I tell him not to drink he says wine is good for health. He says a glass but I doubt he is exceeding that. Thinking about his liking for drinking and not listening to me when it comes to drinking is affecting my health. I don’t get sleep mid of the night when I think about this. I get all kind of thoughts like why I got married to him. Can you please give your suggestion for below two questions:
1) How do I convince him not to drink or reduce the number of times. How much is too much? Is once a week okay?
2) Can I ignore, as I do not want my health to be affected as I need to take care of my two little kids. Not able to judge if the problem is big or small.

Thanks,
User100

MalStrom · Jan 2, 2020

If he is drinking just one regular glass and not driving afterwards he is fine, assuming his health is good. Whether wine is good for health is a matter for debate, however.

SGBV · Jan 2, 2020

user100 said: ↑

How much is too much?
Click to expand...

This is very subjective. In my family, a glass of wine on a daily basis is just a peanut manner. Every adult in the family drinks wine frequently, and that includes women as well.
Though I don't drink daily, I wouldn't mind drinking it at least a couple of days in a week.

Besides, I've read somewhere that a glass of wine on a daily basis is indeed healthy and that can keep you young. Not sure though!
But it doesn't make you drunk or look awkward after consumption like other alcoholic drinks. But, it again depends on individuals and their habits.

Having said this, using one glass of wine, that too for adult males only during social drinking once or twice in a life time is considered a sin at my in laws' place.
They don't really go into detail as to what type of alcohol it is, and whom you are drinking with, and whether you are drunk or not, as well as whether it is really unhealthy.... For them, the word "alcohol" itself is sin no matter what.

So, I don't think public opinions matter here...

Thyagarajan · Jan 2, 2020

Wish the op & @SGBV a happy new year.

Coming to the OP s question - So much can be said for & against.
2. WHO studies attributes French people least affected by cardiovascular issues, least fatal heart attacks among adults to their mothers who during their entire pregnancy consumed wine ( the innocuous one - red I believe) on regular basis twice in a day.
3. Google including Wikipedia turns up voluminous information for and against. Here is the link:
Health effects of wine - Wikipedia
4. I hope OP would discover answers for her two questions from link above.
5. Wine seemed to be associated with God by men of yore. A Look at the quotes in
god and wine quotes - Google Search
Would vouchsafe for my statement.

Thanks and Regards.
God created men & Wine & women for His pastime!

Angela123 · Jan 9, 2020

OP,
If your husband works out very well and is in good health and shape, drinking a glass of wine is good for him. I have known a lot of people who are in good health and have a glass of wine with their dinner on a daily basis. If his health is all good I don't think you have anything to worry. But it is always good to keep an eye on cholesterol levels.

Your concern makes me think:
- Did your husband just picked up the habit of drinking?
- Do you think he is drinking because of emotional issues (like stress eating, this is stress drinking)
- Do you think the kids will have and example to look up to if your husband drinks?
If his drinking worries you so much to the extent that you cannot sleep, communicate it to him effectively.

Rihana · Jan 9, 2020

You have asked good questions to yourself and here about the issue. You seem to realize that more than the potential impact on his health, you are bothered by the habit itself and that he does not listen to you. You know you are not yet able to judge the severity (if any) of the problem but it is keeping you awake at night and making you rue marrying him.

You need answers. Join him to find the answers. Give a gap of 1-3 weeks in your nagging. Then, start to join him 2-3 times a week when he drinks, either with a non-alcoholic drink of your own or without a drink. If he drinks when you are busy with other tasks, start with just dropping by for a minute or two and read the name of the wine. He might have a few kinds in the cabinet where they are stored. Read up a little about them by yourself, enough to be able to talk about the wines and ask intelligent questions.

If he protests or insists that he wants to drink in total privacy like in a room with the door shut, gently insist that you'd like to be with him, and that this is one way of dealing with your fears around this. If he still refuses, then, maybe start by just discussing wines at other times.

Be pleasant company with no scolding to start with. If you can bring yourself to do it, take a sip or two. After some days of this joining him, the talk can naturally turn to the pros and cons of drinking wine. Keep it casual. Trust that he is old and responsible enough to drink judiciously, and you are on this fact-finding mission only to reassure yourself.

Hopikrishnan · Apr 25, 2021

I think wine tasting in twosome or even larger numbers is a happier thing @Mistt. When we send away Indian children to America for graduate school, the children get exposed to "group meetings" in whatever Ratskeller that is near their college campus. The whole team with their professors chatting STEM things (not wine glass stems) over beers. Professors in our midst may comment on this .

I appreciated the following advisory:

Rihana said: ↑

If he protests or insists that he wants to drink in total privacy like in a room with the door shut, gently insist that you'd like to be with him,
Click to expand...

Learning more about wines is good for girls in child-bearing age. It is best to avoid wines, if planning pregnancy. Many (I might even say most) wines have sulphite preservatives. In the label look for things like sodium sulfite, sodium bisulfite, sulfur dioxide, potassium bisulfite, and potassium metabisulfite, all of which can indicate that a food product contains added sulfites. This is a preservative that ends up causing severe morning headaches in some persons. Google for wines without sulphites -- and buy a gift to the home wine connoisseur.

If you are done bearing kids (husband adequately "fixed" also) a dinner time wine can lead to a more joyful experience in the netflix-and-chill phase of the evening.

Large glass, with room for swirling (oxygenation), if you are having reds, is usually recommended.
Why The Shape Of A Glass Shapes The Taste Of Your Wine