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The Scars Of Infertility

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Myliltwincesses, Nov 19, 2019.

  1. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    I had my twins after seven years of marriage and I am ever grateful to God for answering our prayers.

    I thought a lot before writing this post.But, I want to be honest and so I am expressing my raw feelings.I am not going to edit this and I don’t wish to sugar-coat my words.

    As a person who had experienced infertility, I ask myself, whether I am happy now after having my babies.

    Yes, I am definitely happy now, but I still have scars due to infertility. I am unable to forget and forgive the way this society treats a couple, especially women,who are yet to have children.

    So, what triggered my hurt feelings again? I saw a friend recently and she shared with me her problem.She is married for 9 years and is criticized by her family and society for not having child.When she shared her feelings, I saw myself in her.

    It was like rubbing my old wound and yes, it still pains.

    I was working full time after marriage and some people said that I am postponing having children for my career growth ( My personal opinion is that it’s not wrong). But in my case, it’s not true.

    Further, I got bombarded with questions from so called relatives.I was polite with them once, but they didn’t stop.I started answering them back and they labelled me as egoistic.There are few who even told that God is punishing me without kids for answering back to elders.

    There were some persons younger to me who had children first and they behaved as if they have full rights to boss over me and started lecturing about having children.

    I was strong when I heard all nasty comments from family,friends colleagues and even strangers, but there were times, when I broke down.

    The way this society treats a woman for being childless is very harsh and brutal.It has to change and I don’t know when people will stop interfering in others’ personal lives.

    They fail to understand how they hurt a girl’s feelings.I ignored many for my own peace of mind. I decided to stay away from negative and toxic persons.

    I buried my deep emotions and spent time with few who really cared for me accepted me for who I am.It helped a lot in my ttc journey.

    I have heard, time heals most of our sorrows. But now I realized that even some scars can cause pain.

    Some of you might think that I am being immature and it’s time for me to move on. Yes, I am trying, but when I see another woman suffering like I did, it’s difficult for me to let it go.

    When will the scars of infertility fully disappear??

    What do you think about this? Please comment your views.
     
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  2. Agatha83

    Agatha83 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear @Myliltwincesses,


    I empathize with your feelings put up here, and I realize the pains and trauma you have undergone to attain motherhood. All over the world where women are never asked personal questions whether she is single, married, divorcee, or a mother with a daughter or a son, here in India people can be quite ruthless in treating a single, childless or widowed woman.
    Congratulations on attaining the post of motherhood and thank God for the precious gift of twins. Put aside the hurtful comments and move forward. All the best.

    Agatha83
     
  3. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    Yes, I am trying to move forward.But when I meet another woman going through same struggles, it pains me. I connect with her more.
    I am enjoying motherhood now. Thanks for your comment.
     
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  4. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    That is quite natural so the pain you feel when she narrates is to be expected, actually. Because it feels "close to home".
     
    Myliltwincesses likes this.
  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Congratulations op.

    You have every right to feel the way you do.

    Will society change it's cruel ways?
    I feel with more and more people choosing to live their life their own way....the society and extended family will have less and less chance to interfere in individual lives. That day will come .

    What can people do till the change comes?
    Be the change. Be more assertive, take your life decisions yourself and cut out people who hurt you. Life is too short to be around hurtful people .

    Take care and hugs to you .
     
  6. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks rgz.yes, it feels "close to home"
     
  7. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks..Hope the day this society changes comes soon.
    This struggle had already made me more assertive.It also helped me realize the true colour of certain persons.
     
  8. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    So sorry you had to undergo such hurt and pain

    The wounds of your infertility have healed long ago. It is only the wounds inflicted by friends and family that remain. You need to forgive or accept that some people are heartless or ignorant and just keep them at a distance, and move on . This takes time , and the sooner you realise that they are not worthy of your anger or your time , the faster you will heal.

    You are reliving your pain , you are going back to that helpless moment when harsh words were spoken to you and they broke you. Forgive yourself too for getting overwhelmed.

    It is good you want to protect your friend. This will help you heal. This is your slap back to those narrow minded people who hurt you, to say "you hurt me and I had no one to lean on, but my friend, she has me."

    There are many people who can be mean, and many who are are so supportive and empathetic. We just strive to be in the later group and move on. Find that joy in your lil ones to heal yourself. You will heal one day surely, when you can look back without the raw anger and gnawing pain. All the best @Myliltwincesses
     
  9. Myliltwincesses

    Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for your kind words
     
  10. Giri12

    Giri12 Gold IL'ite

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    So sorry to hear about ur scars of infertility. As u move ahead in ur life u will be engaged in so many ways ur scars will definetaly heal by d time. When u see society blaming a woman about infertility u can polietly n firmly should take her side n stop n rubbish chatting about it. This could be really helpful for that woman
    Wish u all d best with ur babies n life
     
    Myliltwincesses likes this.

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