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How Do I Say No

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Vedhavalli, Oct 12, 2019.

  1. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    I have no intentions to make money.
    She asked teach, my problem here is I don't know how to say NO on face.
     
  2. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    I have told her,
    1) I'm busy one weekends
    2) Weekdays aren't possible for her also to me. 3)I have clearly said "I'm sending my own kid to class than teach at home, language skills are developed by interaction than reading/writing in 1-1, that's why I'm sending my child"
    4)I suggested her 1 more class near by. She isn't giving in. Keep giving me pressure.

    I don't think I'm misleading her or giving false hopes, where I have communicated legibly.
    How else to say??

    P.S basic common sense I'm sending my own child to class with a fee, why would I teach someone else?? I'm too polite to refuse. That's the Crux
     
    periamma and anika987 like this.
  3. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    she is your friend and so I feel no need to worry about telling her what you feel in a nice way.

    if she is a good friend who does not take advantage,she will surely understand and will Not be mean or anything back.

    Even if she is bit hurt,it’s okay coz there is nothing wrong from your side.She will surely get over it within half a day.

    Again,since you mentioned she is a good friend,the above will surely work.

    I am also surprised that she even thought to ask you to teach her kid since you yourself are putting your DD in a class.

    Neighbors or acquaintances may not understand but a friend will.Otherwise,that friendship is not right.

    you are not even being mean..just diplomatic.

    tell her “I am sorry..wish I could teach your kid and Infact also mine but due to lack of time,am putting DD in class. Else I would have no problem teaching both the cuties.Weekends something or the other cropping up! I am sure you understand”

    I think the above is very polite and she should understand.
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2019
  4. virtualkv2020

    virtualkv2020 Platinum IL'ite

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    Its an indirect way of shooing her away from you when you quote a high price for your services.You should probably take some training from my daughter to say a big fat NO;)
     
  5. virtualkv2020

    virtualkv2020 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hmm sounds like she doesn’t want to take the hint as you are too nice to her. I think it’s high time to say a Fat NO.
     
  6. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks for understanding my view. Will tell her same (by hearting the lines) hehe.

    Sometimes I feel, if I'm being nice and develop friendship. That person asks a big favor
    Long back whom I thought as a friend, asked regularly pickup drop kids to school, shopping, taking them out, baby sit thier kids .... Few times I said no, because of my other errands. She kept bothering me . So I had to step up said NO. She stopped talking to me.
    Now this??
     
    anika987 likes this.
  7. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:@Vedhavalli
    Telling ‘NO’ Meaning ‘YES’ and vice versa is a great art. The diplomats in embassy are regularly doing this.
    For meaning big ‘NO’ one should begin telling softly
    “YES’ if ever possible, I shall....
    Regards.
     
  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    That’s emotional blackmail what that person is doing and we should not fall for that:)

    I am a sensitive person and one thing that worked for me which I follow..
    “ It’s better to be alone than in bad company”..

    now..am not saying that friend is bad but either we should be strong enough to say NO else we should be okay if the other person drifts away..

    yes,we should be flexible BUT for the right things.There is nothing wrong from your side and you say what you need to.If she lets go and comes back..good for both of you coz your friendship will get stronger with less expectations.Else..it’s bye bye.

    The way to do it is we should start to be ourself and stop looking for friendships.Any relationship will sustain and grow if developed naturally with one being oneself.It may be slow but it’s worth it.Bending over saying “yes” and trying to please someone is worse for you.

    I stopped going behind people and trust me When I say I lost only the bad apples.I may have few acquaintances but am very relaxed and happier.

    Our inner peace is more important than anything in this world.

    Don’t have any expectations from
    Her and just say what you have to politely as I mentioned.

    all will be fine.
     
  9. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    seems you have learnt a lot from:clap2: IL
     
  10. gknew

    gknew Gold IL'ite

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    Well said @anika987.
    I am exactly like OP. I always be so nice and please to others to gain or retain the friendship. But people have used me till date and no true friendship. I don't get back the same behavior and response from them.
    My DH used to say, "just do what u can..go with the flow. Don't expect anything from anyone". I used to host play dates and offer help to other kids. Like picking them everyday from school. Mom's used to ping me to pick them up. They have never hosted a playdate at their place. They say, u are being a sweet host. So, we can have play date at ur place. My kid is also happy about it and he cheer up everyone. He wants to their house to play. But that never happened.
    I always hesitate to say NO. Just to hold on the relationship and be good to them. But there is no real friendship even after that. I don't have any friends here. Always alone. People come to me when they need help.
    As you said, I don't know if it's better to be alone than being in a uncomfort group. Haven't experienced it. So, if it better to be alone? With no company at all. Like no family level friendship.
    Op, sorry if it's deviates from your topic. I am also having the difficulty as you, and really want to learn to say NO.
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2019
    anika987 likes this.

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