Terms And Conditions On Inlaws Moving In

Then your husband needs to see things for himself. My husband wanted us for years to live with his parents, we finally did and things went so bad they kicked us out. I had to let things play out for my husband so he could see this. You need to do the same thing. Let them come, carry on your life as you did before, do the bare minimum for them that is required by you and let the chips fall where they fall. You DH life needs to become miserable only then he will learn. Don't 'go out of your way for them and make him do everything for them. Ask them for help in all your household work as well as you DH. If they refuse then DH needs to pick up their slack. My MIL always complained about how I user "her" washing machine, kept taunting. I told my DH you must do the laundry as she is annoying. He did it twice , and she made a comment that he should not do it. I knew she would come to that conclusion. I began back again after a few months, and she never said a word. Let them pit themselves against each othter and stay out of the way. Your DH needs to see bad treatment of you now in the present, he does not care about the past so leave the past issues out of it. AS well, they will not get GC that quick, now is your time to cozy up with your DH and get him on your side. My DH was on my side about 80percent when we moved in, and by the time we left he was on my side 200 percent. You need to get your DH love and adoration first. Key is to stop arguing and talking about them and repair your relationship with him. Form a bond soooo strong that he will back you up when his parents come if they start issues. He will see that you had a good harmonious household and they are damaging it. If they come move in to a stressful chaotic home, your DH won't see the difference. I think if you not willing to divorce then you need to go down this rout.

 

It feels like i am reading my life story! I have been through similar issues. GC topic came pretty hot when my ILs came last visit. And I was at a point of walking out cause of them not been rational with their theories and expecting me and my kids to follow along which I did not agree with.

GC - practicalities are not the same as what your DH is stating. I was in exactly same shoe as you (I have a manipulative and demanding SIL as well). Inspite of disagreements. My DH came this close to filling the greencard. When it came down to filling the fee, DH asked one final time and MIL said- i will do it when it comes, I don't have to decide now. But when the money part came (insurance in particular) DH wanted 100% assurance from ILs and when he did not get that, he withdraw the application. I was so relived. I am not sure if this is a temp. issue and may appear back for me in future, but temp. it is resolved for me.

And FWIW, we have a separate suite for ILS but they hardly stay there. They use the same kitchen, do the same controlling stuff they used to do in our previous house. Nothing changes. And when they stay, it becomes the coaching corner to get my kids and tell them what to do and what not to. Same thing for my DH. Coach him to be a better brother- convince him to send money to his Sister every so often and what not.

All I am saying is; I feel your pain. Take care.

 

That is lovely. I imagine comedian Thangavel & party in tamil movie. I am unable to recall the movie name. He depicted his and his mothers plight to the delight of his spouse.
Super advice to be followed verbatim.
God bless All.

 

You cannot control any one's life. Looks like financially you are well off and can afford GC expenses and insurance expense. I think you are exaggerating the whole issue to new level. There is nothing disgusting about her suggestion.

 

Factually a *good* public school education is actually good, so your SIL is not totally wrong about public vs private. Final decision is you and your H anyway

 

Your DH has already suggested buying a bigger home for all of you . You cannot handle your mil on daily basis then put that forward as a problem . If you think you can use insurance as excuse your sil already has a answer for that . Just be honest . I’m still confused why you want to open such discussions with SIL . What is your expectation from sil ? You and your DH are going to host his family . Limit your discussion with your DH . You and your DH are a team by involving your Sil you are complicating this further . Your sil will not side with you . She will have solutions for everything you will bring up but at the end of the day the people who are going to implement is you and your DH. Just work with your DH and find a common ground where it is amicable for you and him .

 

My heart goes out to you. This seems to be a universal problem with spineless Indian husbands who cannot support their wives' point of view. They just impose and impose their decisions all the time. In-laws who come from India are never used to doing household chores as they have maids in India. So using a dishwasher or vacuuming, or cleaning toilets or putting the bins out or gardening will be a strict no no for them as it is below their dignity. They cannot drive a car in USA and so are overly dependant on being taken out by their children. Not having a public transport system in a highly developed first world country like USA is just absurd, but this just adds to the problem. So they sit at home all the time getting bored and doing nothing and expect to be taken out every time the family goes out at week-ends. So there is no privacy inside the house and none outside. It is seriously exasperating.

But since your husband is suggesting moving to a bigger house, you can look for a house where at least their bedrooms are on a different floor so that you have a bit of privacy. An adjoining suite with own kitchen, bathroom and bedroom would be the best idea. It will still be one big house where they can enter your house from within, but there will be more chance of privacy. Also, opting for a bigger house will be a saving for you and the kids' future, so definitely shift to a bigger house.

Manipulative mother-in-laws and s-i-laws will never ever change. Your husband will never stand up for you in front of them. He will be terrified of his mother, father and sister all his life and live in a constant feeling of guilt. These things will never change. Tell your husband that they should stay for 6 mths with you and 6 mths with their daughter so that you get some respite. Condition for gc is that they should be in USA for 5 yrs but they don't have to stay only in your house. Sulking and not talking to your husband just suits him fine, so not a very good idea. Tie up your money in solid investments like getting a bigger house or buying a 2nd house and renting it out. That way there will be less money for people to fritter away uselessly. Your m-i-l was a school principal so will be getting a good pension, so also your f-i-l. Let them spend it on themselves and enjoy their life. You and your hubby have a duty of care towards the future education of your kids.

For your mental peace watch some very helpful Buddhist teachings on youtube, they are very helpful.