Relationship Hijack And Banter

This sounds like a thread start question for relationship with inlaws sub-forum. Shouldn't this move there ? ==> Relationship With In-Laws <== click on that, and click on the red button that says "Post New Thread", invent a catchy title, and start a new thread.

 

...thought from the "Where are all the good men?" thread..

hahaha... the title-query is worrying about the wrong thing... instead of where are all the frog-exchanges in the world ? Frog owners bring theirs in and add to the collection, and then go around and taste what seems a better candidate.

 

Are you naming three (of many) in the forum who take soaked chia seeds and make that into yummy hot, savory porridge, khichidi ?

 

This car analogy seems to creep slowly from "marriage is a car, don't take it on a hill, and stress it out" to "spouse is car, it is best to have a lease experience before buying".

In one Seinfeld (Amreeki TV episodic drama about "nothing") episode, the tragedy of driving a new car out of the show-room lot and getting it "dinged" right away was compared to being pregnant after the first post nuptial "test drive".

It is no accident that american magazines like car&driver and playboy have a centerfold, a colorful photo that is designed to rivet the viewers' attention, and printed on wax coated heavy paper to be thoroughly drool resistant.

 

Hi @Amulet I hesitated quite a bit since I wasn't sure if just a thought in my head - without any well-refined thoughts on it - warrants a thread on it's own. But I decided to do it anyways. :-D. Posted it in General Discussions because it could apply as much to in-laws as parents. Here it is:
Nuclear Family Back To Late-start Joint-family

 

Since I write long paras and this might only be slightly related to OPs thread I am bringing my answer to @BhumiBabe's question here:

Instead of the in-law suite, this is a common setup I've seen growing up in India in at least 6 families I knew personally.
The primary family buys an affordable plot in the outskirts of the city/town and builds a single-floor home. About 10-15 years later when one of their adult kid gets married (and it makes sense for the kid to live close-by usually because of work reasons), then they extend the home and build a 1st floor apartment with a *staircase to the apartment outside the home*. This new "apartment" has it's own kitchen, restroom and even a little patio for drying clothes.
This new home for the newly-wed couple is completely independent and they can enter and leave at their own convenience without having to inform or take permission from the parents living downstairs.

- I know of two friends who would go stay at grandma's after being dropped off by the school van (which was just below their own homes) till their parents came back from work. With my grandparents in faraway little towns I used to think these two friends were so lucky having to visit their grandparents everyday.

- My cousin who lives in such a setup too with her mom downstairs - will have the kids run down with a bowl of curry if its something her mom will like. And grandma will call out for the kids if she is making a food item that the grandkids will like. (And key point to be noted - they both run a separate kitchen).

I think the independence, yet close-proximity and affordability of this solution even to a middle class multi-generational family - makes it a real good option.

This staircase outside of the home was key to make these multi-family units rather than the shared spaces in traditional joint families.

 

hesitate? I should think starting-a-new thread ought to come easy to you!

 

Haha! thanks for the reminder - that's the person I want to be, hence chosen as my id.

 

You're mixing up different threads/discussions - so answering here.

You seemed to have missed the point there. The importance of "separate" relates to a very basic human need for independence - what I was referring to is the fact that it is not a "modern" or "western" need or a "young-person/old-person's" need. Even a toddler, despite it taking twice the amount of time - will struggle to do things for themselves - be it putting in a shoe or feeding themselves a treat. The need to be independent is innate in us. How can we preserve this independence yet be physically close and involved in the lives of our near-dear ones - is the underlying thread of the point raised.

Your choice of words seem to represent a holier-than-thou attitude. Like others have pointed out to you recently and possibly many times before - I too wish you would give it a break.

My question above wasn't splitting hairs on how much trouble and how much discomfort it is going to involve. It was a question on what can be done to make it work well?

For example:
I have heard this many, many times from visiting parents at get-togethers: `We have to keep waiting till the kids are free over the weekend to get out of home.`

So perhaps the thing to note here - is in addition to the kid's school district, having a walkable neighborhood with maybe an Indian store within a mile - would be a good criteria during home-search process - as a way to keep your folks happier. Of course it may not be possible for financial reasons. But having these discussions and thinking of what can help - makes our lives better. These are not "splitting-hair" discussions - they are valuable for many.