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Leave Her Alone - Part One

Discussion in 'Breast Feeding' started by Myliltwincesses, Sep 29, 2019.

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Sep 30, 2019 #11

Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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HariLakhera said: ↑

It's a subject of, by and for mothers but since fathers have also been brought in, from personal experience I can say that breastfeeding is not only good for the child but for the mother also. A mother somehow refused to breastfeed and as a result she developed a clot in the breast. It is natural way of give and take. The milk has to find a way out. It forced to stay put, it may be cause of breast ailment in the long run.
Sorry Moms and Moms to be.
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I am not against breastfeeding..My twin girls are 9 months old and I still breastfeed them.I also give them formula milk at times.

I feel that a mother knows what's good for a baby..Let her decide..If she doesn't have milk supply even after taking medicines, she shouldn't be criticized.
Few mothers won't like to breastfeed due to their own reasons..It's her own choice and others easily judge her.
I wish to reiterate that a mother will always remain a mother, irrespective of whether she breastfeeds or not.

Myliltwincesses, Sep 30, 2019

Myliltwincesses, Sep 30, 2019

#11

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Sep 30, 2019 #12

Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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joylokhi said: ↑

An elder woman , most often a mother, MIL or some other close relative is usually brought in at the time of delivery and post partum, to help the new mother cope with the baby and herself. I am a senior citizen now. When i was a new mother, being completely overwhelmed with the birthing etc, simply followed the advices given by our elders with the understanding that it is for the best. However,in recent times, when girls get married and have children etc only when they are very much mature in all ways, be it age, knowledge of everything around (may be google for the rescue), and strong independent streak, it would the ideal for all elders also to just follow what you preach here: Leave her alone!
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I personally feel that giving advice is OK, but criticizing and judging new mothers, isn't good. Advices are valuable only if they are given after new moms ask for it.

Myliltwincesses, Sep 30, 2019

Myliltwincesses, Sep 30, 2019

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Sep 30, 2019 #13

armummy Platinum IL'ite

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Sometimes it helps to listen to elder women ... they have experience and can help with good suggestions. Well ignore criticism but do listen to suggestions , use it or not is your decision
.

We had prenatal classes where my dr suggested to throw away the bottles to avoid nipple confusion ... I took the message to heart and breast fed exclusively ... my mom who was a working women had told me repeatedly to start the bottle as I was a working woman and need to get back to work ... and I did not take it seriously till about 6 months and then tried and my child never took the bottle ... I was anyway on extended Maternity leave and then joined office after my child was 8 - 9 months . I used to come back every afternoon from office to feed the child till about it turned 15 months or so and started napping in afternoon ...lot of unnecessary stress trying to get baby used to bottle and travel in hot sun etc

Next pregnancy I followed mom advice and started early and pumped ..

And baby crying due to hunger is also a very valid probability .... so no harm in trying out more feed

My mil also had her remedies for gas and stuff ..... it helped

don’t just ignore everything ....

armummy, Sep 30, 2019

armummy, Sep 30, 2019

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Sep 30, 2019 #14

Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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periamma said: ↑

Breastfeeding is good for children .There are medicinal values in Mother's milk and this help the child healthy.you won't believe that children are breast fed even for three years in rural areas.In cities women feel shame to breastfeed thinking others would make fun of them.some have an opinion that they will lose their beauty.you have taken a good decision to breastfeed
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Dear Madam,
Thanks for your reply..

Regarding 'losing of beauty' part, I really don't know..Some mothers may not like to say that they have low milk supply and hence be quiet.This might have been misinterpreted by others OR they might not like to breastfeed due to reasons known only to them.
I don't wish to comment on their decision, but according to me, they are always mothers irrespective of they breastfeed or not.

Myliltwincesses, Sep 30, 2019

Myliltwincesses, Sep 30, 2019

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Sep 30, 2019 #15

Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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messedup said: ↑

I want to share my experience here related to breastfeed. This is not irrelevant and some new moms can learn too from this.

When my EO was born he had a low blood sugar level. Doctor advised us to give him formula milk too with the breast milk. By the time I was in hospital someone or the other was there to take care as I had a C-section and used to give him the formula milk regularly. Like one time breast feed and other time formula milk. When we came back home I gave him that milk few times then I myself decided that its not necessary now and I stopped giving that to him. It was his 6th day and he was in my mil's arm. She suddenly started shouting as the baby was not reacting and was very dull. Me and mil started crying as we thought that he might will die. Then we rushed to the hospital and there doctor checked his papers and gave him the formula milk. He suddenly started crying and became normal. I am still crying by thinking about that day. New moms should take care of that too. If doctor has suggested something then one should follow that properly.
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Thanks for sharing your experience

messedup said: ↑

I want to share my experience here related to breastfeed. This is not irrelevant and some new moms can learn too from this.

When my EO was born he had a low blood sugar level. Doctor advised us to give him formula milk too with the breast milk. By the time I was in hospital someone or the other was there to take care as I had a C-section and used to give him the formula milk regularly. Like one time breast feed and other time formula milk. When we came back home I gave him that milk few times then I myself decided that its not necessary now and I stopped giving that to him. It was his 6th day and he was in my mil's arm. She suddenly started shouting as the baby was not reacting and was very dull. Me and mil started crying as we thought that he might will die. Then we rushed to the hospital and there doctor checked his papers and gave him the formula milk. He suddenly started crying and became normal. I am still crying by thinking about that day. New moms should take care of that too. If doctor has suggested something then one should follow that properly.
Click to expand...

Thanks for sharing your experiences.Yes, it's always good to follow doctor's advice properly.

Myliltwincesses, Sep 30, 2019

Myliltwincesses, Sep 30, 2019

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Sep 30, 2019 #16

sweetumrn Senior IL'ite

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Even i have faced the same issue, after delivery for couple of days my milk supply was less. my MIL and her side of family started telling me to feed FM for which i didnt agree at all. i had got so wild one day i made my MIL sit infront of me and expressed the BM in a bottle and showed from that day onwards she never asked me to feed FM.

sweetumrn, Sep 30, 2019

sweetumrn, Sep 30, 2019

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Sep 30, 2019 #17

Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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armummy said: ↑

Sometimes it helps to listen to elder women ... they have experience and can help with good suggestions. Well ignore criticism but do listen to suggestions , use it or not is your decision
.

We had prenatal classes where my dr suggested to throw away the bottles to avoid nipple confusion ... I took the message to heart and breast fed exclusively ... my mom who was a working women had told me repeatedly to start the bottle as I was a working woman and need to get back to work ... and I did not take it seriously till about 6 months and then tried and my child never took the bottle ... I was anyway on extended Maternity leave and then joined office after my child was 8 - 9 months . I used to come back every afternoon from office to feed the child till about it turned 15 months or so and started napping in afternoon ...lot of unnecessary stress trying to get baby used to bottle and travel in hot sun etc

Next pregnancy I followed mom advice and started early and pumped ..

And baby crying due to hunger is also a very valid probability .... so no harm in trying out more feed

My mil also had her remedies for gas and stuff ..... it helped

don’t just ignore everything ....
Click to expand...

Yes, I am open to suggestions, but not criticisms and judgements..There are several reasons for a baby to cry apart from hunger ( I am sure as I checked it out).
Regarding home remedies, I am ok with external application for babies..But I don't like to feed any home medicines suggested by elders without my doctor's approval.It's my personal opinion. I am not ignoring, but I am not comfortable in following things without confirmation from professionally qualified people.

Myliltwincesses, Sep 30, 2019

Myliltwincesses, Sep 30, 2019

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Sep 30, 2019 #18

Myliltwincesses Silver IL'ite

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sweetumrn said: ↑

Even i have faced the same issue, after delivery for couple of days my milk supply was less. my MIL and her side of family started telling me to feed FM for which i didnt agree at all. i had got so wild one day i made my MIL sit infront of me and expressed the BM in a bottle and showed from that day onwards she never asked me to feed FM.
Click to expand...

Yes, it's a common problem faced by New moms..I am happy that you handled the problem and did what you wished for the baby.

Myliltwincesses, Sep 30, 2019

Myliltwincesses, Sep 30, 2019

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Sep 30, 2019 #19

Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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rgz said: ↑

and father. (@Myliltwincesses You missed that important 'and' )

Those two should jointly decide - with some give and take on who gets the veto on what , when differing.
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I tend to agree with you.
2. Mother and father joint decision again depends on
a. Whether they are literate or illiterate with or without any exposure rural - mother or urban mother
b. Are they from joint family set up where possibilities of exposure to senior siblings and elders are numerous
c. Are they unexposed first time mother and live in nuclear set up
d. If yes for c above should they or the mother alone attended related workshop
3. OP first query about general comments by near and dear about gender of the new born. The world is like that. Keep fitting reply ready depending upon the age of the commentor.

4. second part about BF & FB the choice and unsolicited comments and instructions by near and dear.

5. Educated and thorough about intricacies of feeding can decide on her own. But listening and following others experience blindly may not turn out to be always good. If mother is ignorant about this, then naturally such mothers follow advice of her gynaecologist and to some extent her mother if latter is near.
6. World is quick to comment irrespective of other party solicited or not. Mother might like to collect all related data and analyse in her head and come to a decision as to what is eventually good for her and baby as well. Google is flooded with hundreds of pages of notes about BF & FB, dos & don’ts.
My best wishes to OP and her new born.
Regards.

Thyagarajan, Sep 30, 2019

Thyagarajan, Sep 30, 2019

#19

Myliltwincesses likes this.
Sep 30, 2019 #20

Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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Twin Pregnancy – C-section Experiences

Myliltwincesses said: ↑

Note: This is not a fictional post..I have penned down whatever I faced and still facing as a new mom.Further, I have also included experiences of my close friends ( as told by them to me)..This post is not to blame or judge anyone.I wish to share certain issues which most of new moms face.If you are still interested, please continue reading.

1.Gender:

When my twin girls were born, I was told by many that if I had at least one boy baby, it would have been good.I always reply them that I am elated to have my little angels with me. I was surprised when even so called highly qualified people differentiate between boys and girls.I understood that certain people are wired like that and it’s difficult to change them.

2.Breastfeeding:

I strongly feel that only new moms should decide what to feed their babies and not others.It’s high time that this society should stop judging mothers based on whether they breastfeed or not.

Let me start from my own experiences..On second day after my twins were born, a very close relative who was staying with me in hospital,told me to stop breastfeeding as I didn’t have enough milk to feed my babies. I asked her to mind her own business and continued to breastfeed my babies.I wasn’t ready to stop without even trying.After a day, slowly my milk supply increased and I am breastfeeding them till now ( they are 8 months old). I also give them formula milk.

Whenever my babies cry, another family member comments that my milk wouldn’t be sufficient for my babies and so they cry due to hunger.I reply that there are several reasons for a baby to cry apart from hunger and as a mother, I would know if they are really hungry.

One of my friends who is also a new mom, is advised by her close family member to stop breastfeeding in spite of her good milk supply. When she asked for reason, she was told that her baby is thin due to her milk.My friend replied back that her baby’s weight is good as per her doctor and not to interfere in this matter.

Another friend had a low supply of milk and she consulted doctors and lactation consultants for the same.Even after several efforts, her milk supply didn’t improve and she started giving formula milk for her baby.She is being criticised for this by all.She is managing this as she is mentally strong.But, at times, she used to feel bad.I tell her that she is the best mom and not to listen to others.

Given above are some of our experiences. I really can’t understand this – A new mom is criticized for both breastfeeding and not breastfeeding.

Many persons are trying to influence a new mom and trying to make her feel guilty in whatever she does.I feel that she should be mentally strong and believe in her fully to overcome this situation.I accept it’s hard but definitely doable.My personal opinion is that all decisions regarding a new born baby is to be taken by a mother.

What do you think??Please comment your opinions and experiences.

(To be continued..)
Click to expand...

similar points raised and the echo effect can be felt in link below the post which stands nominated for current month:

Twin Pregnancy – C-section Experiences

Thanks and Regards.

Thyagarajan, Sep 30, 2019

Thyagarajan, Sep 30, 2019

#20

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