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Help Me Decide!

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Mindfulness, Jun 29, 2019.

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  1. Jun 29, 2019 #1
    Mindfulness

    Mindfulness Senior IL'ite

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    Hello all

    I am new to the forum...we are family of three( me my husband and son). Both are working. My husband in usa since 10 years and i am since 6 years. I am currently in a dilemma whether to stay here or return to india.. i do not want to feel post this on r2i forums as it is filled with answers revolving around money, savings,401 k amd stock returns. My dilemma is mainly due to social life. Kindly share your thoughts.

    Social life challenges in United states-

    1. Constantly need to search people unlike india.. people move back or move to different city.
    2. Limited choice. In india you can choose 10 like minded friends from 100 . Here choice is very less.
    3. Chances of finding same wavelength people very rare... it is due to limited choice
    4. No strong bonding friendship with other culture people. They talk about dogs, ex’s, entirely different stuff.
    5. All activity on weekends. Weekdays really boring and dull. Even if one is working mundane life is monotonous. Day to day life in india is vibrant.
    6. No neighbors bonding.. unlike india where neighbors are considered family( i hear things have changed in cities now) people are busy in india.. it is same as here.
    7. Setting play date and finding same age kids as ours is difficult.
    8. No wedding functions invitations.. i really miss that part.
    9. Our kids completely secluded from family tree( no cousins, sometimes language problem, limited grand parents love)
    Social life challenges in india-

    1. Family politics- be it anything comparison, jealousy, competition, manipulation.
    2. I personally hate my relatives. They interfere way too much. Very judgmental and gossiping..definitely want to be away from them.
    3. My parents- they consider me as an outsider now.. i have a brother.. still unmarried.. they favor him over me. Lots of comparisons. Instead of being happy about my life.. always comparing to brother life.
    4. Mother in law is very possessive of her only child( my husband). Very cunning and smart. Same in law issues. Nothing unique.
    5. Gossiping interfering narrow minded people compared to usa
    6. Lack of privacy.

    Pls help me decide which is better according to you. If you were me which one would you choose. I am not very good at writing. Please forgive me if some of the points are redundant. Some points may be wrong to. These are just my opinions. Thank you.
     
    Mindfulness, Jun 29, 2019
    Mindfulness, Jun 29, 2019
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  2. Jun 29, 2019 #2
    Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Gold IL'ite

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    Looking at the SL list of India, I think ur better off being right where ur. Why not approach the IL'tes here on the forum who are based in US. You m8ggt just find the right friends r groups for u.
     
    Sandyr46, Jun 29, 2019
    Sandyr46, Jun 29, 2019
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  3. Jun 29, 2019 #3
    ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    You atleast have the luxury of choosing friends n walk away from them if it doesn’t work but the same walking away isn’t as easy with relatives.

    Your family politics from point 1 to 6, will it let you enjoy if you move to India?

    Even in india, if you choose to live in a city that’s different from where your families are, your 1-9 points, you may face almost the same issues here too.

    People who put in the effort, sometimes lot of it, has good social circles, it requires some level of sacrifices n adjustments n efforts too. But if you are too busy working n not ‘actively’ social, the friends list maybe very minimal to zero.

    N there’s politics, gossips, etc in these social circles too. Only luxury is walking away if it gets too much.

    It’s tough to get into already existing social circles. Making new ones requires efforts.

    Social skill is a different challenge, for some it’s very easy n for some, it’s very hard, n some manages to find a balance. Location plays a part too I agree, but location alone doesn’t change everything.
     
    ashneys, Jun 29, 2019
    ashneys, Jun 29, 2019
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  4. Jun 29, 2019 #4
    SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Answer is pretty obvious in the list you made.

    Talking to your neighbor about their dog for two minutes versus attending a wedding surrounded by relatives that you absolutely hate ?
    Then having to hear the gossip , be looked down upon the same relatives while parents talk about how great your brother is VS chilling in your room ( coconut water in one hand and iPad in the other) . The only whining in the background would be your son , complaining because he is bored and you are not doing fun stuff with him.

    MIL living with you , stuffing parathas into your husbands mouth everyday VS MIL giving you paratha recipe on FaceTime once a week.

    Still want to go back ?
     
    SinghManisha, Jun 29, 2019
    SinghManisha, Jun 29, 2019
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  5. Jun 29, 2019 #5
    Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Gold IL'ite

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    :clapclap::clapclap::clapclap:
     
    Sandyr46, Jun 29, 2019
    Sandyr46, Jun 29, 2019
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  6. Jun 29, 2019 #6
    Mindfulness

    Mindfulness Senior IL'ite

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    Yes i can approach and i have done that too.. people are themselves not clear about their choices.. so I thought online forum may bs helpful.
     
    Mindfulness, Jun 29, 2019
    Mindfulness, Jun 29, 2019
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  7. Jun 29, 2019 #7
    Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Gold IL'ite

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    Try 'meet-up'
     
    Sandyr46, Jun 29, 2019
    Sandyr46, Jun 29, 2019
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  8. Jun 29, 2019 #8
    Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Gold IL'ite

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    As for the decision I think ur pros and cons reflects ur clarity that on a sub conscious level ur better off being where ur. Just make up ur mind.
     
    Sandyr46, Jun 29, 2019
    Sandyr46, Jun 29, 2019
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  9. Jun 29, 2019 #9
    Mindfulness

    Mindfulness Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you. Nicely written. But choices are more in india. Dont you think so? Amount of effort required is more in united states. In india finding friends is not that difficult only maintaining them is difficult. Here it is both i feel
     
    Mindfulness, Jun 29, 2019
    Mindfulness, Jun 29, 2019
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  10. Jun 29, 2019 #10
    Mindfulness

    Mindfulness Senior IL'ite

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    Class..:p:clapclap: however wedding functions need to attend only once a year but talking to neighbors about dog is on a regular basis. I wont be cooking paratha with her.. they like to live independently.. it will be face time either india or here.. i want to avoid my parents for sure... they are more irritating to me than my in laws..
     
    Mindfulness, Jun 29, 2019
    Mindfulness, Jun 29, 2019
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    SinghManisha likes this.
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