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Silent Treatment

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by newwife, Apr 28, 2019.

  1. DXBDesi

    DXBDesi Silver IL'ite

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    This is exactly what I did (though I am the DH), and the response from my wife has been to complain no ends to her family and close friends on how I don't "love" her, of course that brings negative vibes from them on how I am not treating their daughter right.

    The unwritten rule is I have to prove my love by accepting bad behavior, and since I am not doing that, I am bad and her family is concerned about how to change me into what I was.

    of course the tactic used is to stop taking care of herself, wear ragged clothes, stop eating for 2 days (!), and use her awful image as an advertisement for "look, how bad my husband is"

    all will be well if I give in to bad behavior, and run after her saying sorry every time she screams or does silent treatment.
     
  2. SearchingPeace

    SearchingPeace New IL'ite

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    Try finding out if he is having some issues within which is forcing him to behave this way
     
  3. priyanka12345

    priyanka12345 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    I have been through all this and still silent treatment prevails. sometimes we start feeling they have mood swings and act good to us and bad at times when things dont go their way.
    The only thing you can do is change yourself. Be firm and bold and take charge of your happiness.

    I initially used to cry and do as per his wish.. slowly I realized he wants to control me and make me a doormat. He plays with emotions and we give in for peace and love. But it does not last long. Like you my husband also took his parents side when I needed his support the most and that was turning point for me. I have not looked back since then . I stopped cooking for him since I felt being used like you feel. I used to cook when I feel like do what I want.
    I started taking my son to nearby places on weekend without telling husband.. he was angry and used to sit at home.

    Make friends, go out and enjoy life. take kid to garden enjoy in vacations. Do everything as if you are single parent.
    Hubby seeing that we are enjoying will eventually give in. I am still fighting and hoping he gives in . Sometimes its frustrating but we need to keep trying for our kid since they need a father figure.

    I dont hope to enjoy anniversary with him or birthday's with him. If he joins fine if not fine.. I used to take everything personally like you. But really they do it as per their needs. If they want they will talk even if we say thousand things to make them angry and they might get angry suddenly even without slightest arguments. Its all what they want and nothing as result of our behaviour.

    So focus on yourself and your happiness. take good care of your kid and enjoy with them. WE need to be happy even being lonely and you will slowly learn it once you accept this phase in life.
     
    DDream, senorita2019 and Vaikuntha like this.
  4. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    When child turns envoy OP can inturn selectively try silent treatment to the child! And watch for his reaction.
     
  5. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

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    May be..opposite attracts? Just kidding
    On more serious note, I think it is past life's bad karma
     
  6. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    man or woman - silent treatment as a form of manipulation, passive aggressive behaviour should not be accepted. sorry to hear your wife belongs to that category. hopefully things have turned around for the better.
     
    SinghManisha likes this.
  7. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Some women can make life hell for their husbands too. This passive aggressive silent treatment is not gender specific.
    I would advice the same that I advice any woman, don’t put up with it !

     
  8. ramya8085

    ramya8085 Bronze IL'ite

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    it is not sadistic, it is called Narcissism. Read about it, the narcissist always needs an Empath. because they are emotionally empty. they need someone to validate them and worship .

    unfortunately , after some time the giver bucket of giving love/ sacrifices is empty and now they do not have anything to give and they are either angry or depression. which the narcissist again uses to point that they have issues.
     
    KashmirFlower and nemesis like this.
  9. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    PERFECT! you are on the right track, lady!

    keep doing that. do not give up this attitude even if he becomes polite. Because, the moment you soften because you think he has changed, he gets his power back and he goes back to doing what he has always done. it takes a long time to train this specie called Indian Mama's Boy.

    This is not to say, be rude or disrespectful. it is about Not being a doormat or begging him for loving you or putting you first. It is about keeping this attitude of putting yourself first. If you don't make yourself #1, he definitely won't!

    Good luck! Keep posting your little successes here, when you can.
     
    Vaikuntha likes this.
  10. HYDGIRL1234

    HYDGIRL1234 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi
    My husband didnt even wished me on mothers day as we had argument 3 days back and even i said sorry .he raised his hand on me. But acts as i did wrong and blames that i proactivated him to slap me.
    Now this silent treatment is still going on
    Its more than 10 days he stopped talking to me.i have to ask him for everything shall i swrve u tiffin dinner and the answer comes in one word.if he has to convey he conveys it to me through my child studying in 10 th class .I am thinking even my child will behave with his spouse same way.
    I am going into depression because of this.
    Even if i act like him not talking it will strech to weeks.he doesnt care what others think also.he ignores me infront of others also.my son.and he r going out to malls not even asking me.sometimes my son comes and asks me whether i will join them.even if i go.he wont speak to.me.dont know till.how long this will go.fed up of this silent behaviour.
     

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