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A Big Vent

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by dhivyacc, May 16, 2019.

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  1. May 16, 2019 #11
    Viswamitra

    Viswamitra Finest Post Winner

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    @dhivyacc,

    Don't worry. Relax. You did everything you can to make them feel comfortable. Don't let your kindness to be converted into a weakness. It can happen only when you let it happen in your mind.

    When I was living in Pune in 1985 (I was 31 years old and my wife was 23 years old), my mom told that she was planning to visit us with my older brother, his wife and two daughters. We were happy. Later, we came to know that my uncle and aunt with their 4 children were likely to join as well on this trip of two weeks. When I came to know about it, I told my wife that makes a complete cricket team and my wife casually mentioned it to her Marati neighbor. Her son accidentally listened to the joke spoken by her mother in Marati to someone else, visited our house with an autograph thinking that it is the real Indian cricket team.

    My wife being 23 years old (just 2 years after our marriage) decided to consult an elderly Tamil lady living Pune for a long time how to handle the situation. She gave a calendar of what my wife needs to do for each breakfast, lunch and dinner. She also advised her to never let anyone get into her kitchen and asked her to handle everything herself. When the guests came, they came with so many flours and other preparations to indicate that my wife won't be able to handle 11 guests including (6 children). She handled it so nicely without a single hick up thanks to the advice from the elderly lady. All items brought by the guests were nicely packed and sent back with them.

    When I offered her to help, she asked me to stay away from the kitchen. I went to work everyday other than Sunday and they all stayed at home and visited various places from time to time. Luckily, we didn't have a child of our own at that time.
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2019
    Viswamitra, May 16, 2019
    Viswamitra, May 16, 2019
    #11
    Needtobestrong, dhivyacc and Anusha2917 like this.
  2. May 16, 2019 #12
    SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Why are guests throwing tantrums and making the host guilty ? What happen to plain old gratitude towards the host ?
     
    SinghManisha, May 16, 2019
    SinghManisha, May 16, 2019
    #12
  3. May 17, 2019 #13
    Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    The hosts may have told them to "feel at home", and the guests had taken it literally.
     
    Amulet, May 17, 2019
    Amulet, May 17, 2019
    #13
    Thyagarajan, beautifullife30, dhivyacc and 4 others like this.
  4. May 17, 2019 #14
    Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    Very much needed right. For a south Indian to survive without idli dosa is difficult if not impossible. :grinning::grinning: plus no we don't want batter ground in the mixie. The wet grinder batter is very much required.
     
    Anusha2917, May 17, 2019
    Anusha2917, May 17, 2019
    #14
    Needtobestrong, Thyagarajan and dhivyacc like this.
  5. May 17, 2019 #15
    dhivyacc

    dhivyacc Silver IL'ite

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    Hm nice explanations and i got it too.
    yesterday one akka called me and told that they missed some of the items and asked to check.
    I said i will check and courier it.
    Yes 500 Kms.
    I prepared breakfast and showed them and asked them to eat. they just got up and it was 8:30 and before that i finished breakfast. moreover i took one child she is in 10th std so she got ready so took her and went.

    Moreover, now that i remember, she said she wants to go to hotel, but we dint took them. as the schedule was tight and children wanted to play.

    anyway its a good learning as how vishwa said i should not let anybody inside kitchen even though they are close relative. they will think in their perspective only.

    since they are my mom's sisters (not immediate) , i let them otherwise i wont.

    after coming back from church , i inquired about whether every one had breakfast etc. they said ipa than saptom .
    i asked them to eat lunch, apo kuda we shall eat in hotel and we are not hungry already we are full. we shall start the trip like that only they said. they also spoke to me casually and enjoyed in park and beach.

    it in turn created conflicts to my parents as well. i told my mom, amma because of you only i know them.
    then she understood younger sister is doing and making things crazy, elder one is ok like that. i also keep distance hereafter, not sure how her DIL is managing her .

    Also asked my if anything better to courier with some gifts because at the end we planned to give some gifts to children, since they left early i could not.
     
    dhivyacc, May 17, 2019
    dhivyacc, May 17, 2019
    #15
  6. May 17, 2019 #16
    dhivyacc

    dhivyacc Silver IL'ite

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    its a very good learning than, even though it is bitter , it helps to understand the relations.:hmmm:
    Also next day my sister called and talked to her (chithi). She said so many things which is irrelevant. Am in some big positions and i manage so many things like that and i am elder, i dont need to listen your words, antha alavu enoda nelama innum kiltharama pogala etc etc.
    after talking , my sister called me and said , will she do the same to her own daughter, what she is thinking and doing is wrong. leave for some days and then it will heal by itself.
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2019
    dhivyacc, May 17, 2019
    dhivyacc, May 17, 2019
    #16
  7. May 17, 2019 #17
    dhivyacc

    dhivyacc Silver IL'ite

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    they just got up , i gave them tea and they are not ready to come. one girl only got ready and i went with her. my spouse was there. they are very keen in shopping and going out only.
     
    dhivyacc, May 17, 2019
    dhivyacc, May 17, 2019
    #17
  8. May 17, 2019 #18
    dhivyacc

    dhivyacc Silver IL'ite

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    hereafter this will be the mantra - eventhough how nicely they spoke :argue::grinning:

    "She also advised her to never let anyone get into her kitchen and asked her to handle everything herself."
     
    dhivyacc, May 17, 2019
    dhivyacc, May 17, 2019
    #18
  9. May 17, 2019 #19
    dhivyacc

    dhivyacc Silver IL'ite

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    apdi ethum kondu vanthriuntha paravalaye... i prepared everything and it was handy only :relaxed:. no work for them :grinning:
     
    dhivyacc, May 17, 2019
    dhivyacc, May 17, 2019
    #19
  10. May 17, 2019 #20
    dhivyacc

    dhivyacc Silver IL'ite

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    :clap2:
     
    dhivyacc, May 17, 2019
    dhivyacc, May 17, 2019
    #20
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