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How To Shut Up Mean Mils ?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by KayaCholan, Feb 15, 2019.

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  1. Feb 19, 2019 #31
    KayaCholan

    KayaCholan Bronze IL'ite

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    Yes @yellowmango I think a lot of the above people havent faced the wrath of traditional controlling inlaws who take offence to everything and anything a DIL does. A lot of DILs are not in a position to have direct conversations with Inlaws asking them for 'privacy' or saying things like 'dont enter when the door is locked.' This would often get misconstrued by the Inlaws and would be made a big deal of, as if its DIL has made an outrageous insulting request.
     
    KayaCholan, Feb 19, 2019
    KayaCholan, Feb 19, 2019
    #31
    shravs3 and Sunshine04 like this.
  2. Feb 19, 2019 #32
    Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    There is no need to communicate to a mil about privacy. Don't she already know that??
     
    Sunshine04, Feb 19, 2019
    Sunshine04, Feb 19, 2019
    #32
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  3. Feb 19, 2019 #33
    KayaCholan

    KayaCholan Bronze IL'ite

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    Yes @Sunshine04 exactly and in the same realm of logic installing locks is not the solution. Locks or no locks, shouldn't the MIL know not to enter a closed door ?
     
    KayaCholan, Feb 19, 2019
    KayaCholan, Feb 19, 2019
    #33
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  4. Feb 20, 2019 #34
    Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    How about a hotel-style "Do Not Disturb" sign? :smilingimp:

    50+ year old MILs ought to know better. But to be fair, some women married into joint families and conceived furtively in the dead of night. Never having experienced privacy themselves, the concept may forever remain alien to them.
    .​
     
    Amica, Feb 20, 2019
    Amica, Feb 20, 2019
    #34
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  5. Feb 20, 2019 #35
    KayaCholan

    KayaCholan Bronze IL'ite

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    @Amica Absolutely ! but also I think even if some get it they pretend like they dont... because they didnt get the privacy, so why should we ?!
     
    KayaCholan, Feb 20, 2019
    KayaCholan, Feb 20, 2019
    #35
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  6. Feb 21, 2019 #36
    SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Been there, done that.
    All those newly wedded times when we lived with PILs, I worried a lot about getting intimate with hubby bcz of MILs unexpected entry at anytime.
    So, I would prefer not to get intimate with H, or make it super quick by keeping MIL in my head.
    We used to quarrel a lot on this, and it definitely had a serious impact on our bonding those times.

    I regret for not doing anything sensible like your friend back then.
    But thankfully, we did not stay with them for long. But i still regret for all those lost days.

    First of all, it was the indecency of the MIL, who did that on purpose, yet pretended as if she was too naive.
    Secondly, it was my H's spinelessness. He was OK to lose his initial marital bliss but never ready to speak with his mom on this.
    And finally, it was my mistake too. I was too scared, embarrassed and very naive even to react to that.
     
    SGBV, Feb 21, 2019
    SGBV, Feb 21, 2019
    #36
  7. Feb 22, 2019 #37
    KayaCholan

    KayaCholan Bronze IL'ite

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    @SGBV - thanks for sharing your experience.

    A lot of people just say why dont you just have a conversation with your MIL and ask her for privacy or they say why dont you ask your husband to tell his mom. The truth is, people who have been in the situation dont understand that neither of these options are always easy or effective. Firstly, telling you MIL directly about "privacy" will be misconstrued by traditional inlaws probably leading to huge fights at home or tarnishing of the DILs name with the relatives. Secondly a lot of the husbands like you said are spineless against their parents in the initial years of marriage where they still consider their parents as the main priority of their lifes and the wife takes the second place only. In these situations the DILs have to devise a plan to change the situation they are in.
     
    KayaCholan, Feb 22, 2019
    KayaCholan, Feb 22, 2019
    #37
  8. May 7, 2019 #38
    bhavyagirish

    bhavyagirish New IL'ite

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    I wonder still these type of mils are there...:eek:
    its gud she told her indirectly ...
     
    bhavyagirish, May 7, 2019
    bhavyagirish, May 7, 2019
    #38
  9. May 7, 2019 #39
    adisum

    adisum Gold IL'ite

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    I dont agree to this. If a DIL has suffered in hands of an abusive MIL, she will never do the same to another girl. Or thats how My thinking goes. The kind of thinking that "it happened with me so I will do it with you too" is a devilish thinking and this has to be blamed on the thinking of that person and not on any other individual or generations.
     
    adisum, May 7, 2019
    adisum, May 7, 2019
    #39
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  10. May 7, 2019 #40
    Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    I am not that kind of person.
    I have actually seen this in reality in some houses.
    That's why I mentioned it here
     
    Sunshine04, May 7, 2019
    Sunshine04, May 7, 2019
    #40
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