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India Visit With Some Worries

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Sapna56, Apr 23, 2019.

  1. Apr 23, 2019 #1
    Sapna56

    Sapna56 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi All
    I am married for 5 years now and since day 1 I had problems with my MIL and SIL. SIL was very interfering and both women kept DH in control. DH used to get carried away with MIL emotional drama and crocodile tears.
    I kind of ignored these problems assuming that I will never live with these women as DH lived in US. But things turned different. Six months later after I moved to USA, DH called SIL in USA and enrolled her for master's by paying whopping fees. This was followed by PIL. All these things came to me like shock one after other.
    As I was not earning I had no option other than tolerating all the issues.
    My PIL and SIL treated me like a maid. I had no say in anything. MIL and SIL were the ones who will take day to day decisions. I didn't resist for any of their decisions and waited PIL go back to India.
    MIL and SIL made my life hell. My child was an infant that time and my first priority. PIL expected me to do all the household tasks and treated SIL like a princess.
    MIL tried to provoke me and tried to behave in such a way that I would initiate a fight. But I didn't fight at all as I was also worried about my safety. Whenever I used to get frustrated, I would just leave home and go out for sometime either at friend's place or shopping.
    MIL used to torture me saying that whether friend is boy or girl.
    MIL and SIL together did slut shaming about me. They also do this in front of DH and DH has no say in it.

    With this kind of marriage, I first tried to become independent and sought a job. Slowly things started changing. SIL went back to India after I gave DH an ultimatum.
    FIL used to call my father like a support center if I don't do household activities. Expecting that my father will troubleshoot all the issues and will ask me to be PIL's maid.
    I stopped talking to PIL and SIL as these things have hurted me to the core.

    DH even being aware of everything still expects me to talk to them. We are visiting India and PIL are worried because if I am not talking. They will not be able to spend much time with their grandkids.

    I try to convince myself to let go things and have a new start, but the past memories just keep haunting.
    Need your opinion.
     
    Sapna56, Apr 23, 2019
    Sapna56, Apr 23, 2019
    #1
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  2. Apr 23, 2019 #2
    Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi @Sapna56,
    I think you had enough with them. The new beginning as you think will give better relationship , I'm sorry for being negative.
    They treated a new mom like maid..
    .PIL are worried for society, neighbors and relatives around them if you don't talk. To be honest PIL are worried only for outside people not to rebuild relationship with you. As for grandkids they have their rights/affection I wonder where was this affection love when they were infant?
    I would suggest keep it to bare minimum talking... Speak only when spoken to, give 1 word replies. Don't stay more than 2 weeks at this place. Else croc will shed tears and big drama would follow up. Maintain same after coming back. Enjoy your trip eat , shop. Forget about PIL SIL
     
    Vedhavalli, Apr 23, 2019
    Vedhavalli, Apr 23, 2019
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    pinkRoseBud, KashmirFlower, Afresh and 1 other person like this.
  3. Apr 23, 2019 #3
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    :grinning::grinning: You have a way with words.

    Letting things go and "new start" without all parties agreeing to it and signing the agreement in tears and blood is of no use.

    There is a sweet middle between talking and not talking. Strive for that. As in communicate but stop short of lively talking. Talk when needed: where is the rice? where is the yogurt? can we please get banana for the child? when will maid-servant be coming to clean the house? till what time does the water come? how to switch off geyser? And so on.

    Trip with children gets so hectic and the little ones keep every one busy as well as become the center of attention. Remain super busy with the kiddos.
     
    Rihana, Apr 23, 2019
    Rihana, Apr 23, 2019
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    shravs3, Afresh and Amulet like this.
  4. Apr 23, 2019 #4
    happydheivanai

    happydheivanai Silver IL'ite

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    If u start to be nice sure they will start to toucher u...keep them in Hi bye relationship.if they want to b with their grandkids let they b nice to u.

    Don't think about them just try to enjoy ur holidays.
     
    happydheivanai, Apr 23, 2019
    happydheivanai, Apr 23, 2019
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  5. Apr 23, 2019 #5
    Afresh

    Afresh Gold IL'ite

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    In my opinion, no one will ever let go of the past, so you definitely need to make a new beginning of a modified relationship with ILs.
    This foundation, should now be with all the knowledge about their past behavior and also keeping your best interests in mind. You should keep minimum interaction, bordering on no meaningful interaction. Keep busy with kids ,as suggested and do not try to open earlier wounds, they'll bite you only more.
     
    Afresh, Apr 23, 2019
    Afresh, Apr 23, 2019
    #5
    Giri12 likes this.

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