Dos And Donts Of Marriage

Some wonderful inputs here.. So many good points. I got to learn a lot from each one's experience.
From my experience these 6.5 years
Do's would be as many mentioned communicate more and more and more . Sometimes when fights are there I never approach my siblings or parents. Likewise I tell my hubby the same let us both sit and find a solution. There's nothing which can't be resolved.
Most important don't is never complain MIL is like that MIL is like this to hubby. They will never accept nor like it. If any problem with MIL I will try to change the way I am dealing it without complaining.
Other points I agree with what many have mentioned.
Good learner thread @shravs3

 

Yes that's true! Now even there is a competition among cousins circle...Who got a good match,who has a good spouse...Who is in to a big family all.. comparisons in all aspects....

 

Do not forget, same is true for boys; their parents are their strength.

Relationship with in-laws can be very supportive. There are so many youngsters bring their parents and in-laws in turn to US to care for their children. BTW, this was not the case back in the 70s and 80s. DIL may not be as close to MIL as her own mother, which is natural. But, the ILs love their grand children as much as your parents do.

There were 4 DILs to this MIL. 1st one (known to the family) started out wrong by fighting with MIL before marriage. 2nd was an outsider, didn't have a mother and stunned MIL the way she treated her MIL. 3rd was an outsider and never cared for MIL and constantly reminded her MIL everything in her house is hers and MIL is just a visitor. 4th (known to the family) last DIL wanted to separate her DH right after marriage and she started out with MIL as controlling and always bad mouthed MIL, even after her death. Her children are the only ones whose minds were poisoned and these kids can't stand their grandmother.

Years later MIL told her daughters that her 2nd DIL was like her daughter. When asked "why", she said that she was stunned at her unassuming behavior and her affection. When I complained about back pain, she took my blouse, measured and brought me right fitting supportive bra. Only, a daughter would do something like that. This was just one example. The 2nd DIL also debated with her MIL without any hesitation. MIL, at times was also critical to the 2nd DIL; the 2nd DIL never held on to her critical statements and found a way to handle her. The 4th DIL would say that only the 2nd DIL can get away saying things to MIL. Any thoughts "why?"

 

Dear @Topaz49 ,
I have never mentioned boy/girl in my post.
I have mentioned "spouse".

 

Men usually take things lightly than women. Most of the time the conflicts are between MIL and DIL.

 

This was an illustration of an example that there are not always strict "dos and don'ts"; it is much more than that (not diverting from the topic). The ILs relationship cannot be separated in a marriage; because many times it is part of the conflict in a marriage. Marriage, especially among Indians is very much intertwined with ILs.

 

Encourage husband to spend time with friends /family and have good relationship with whoever loves them and cares for them .

Don't expect everything to be perfect from day one . Avoid fights over small issue because ultimately we are causing stress to our life partner. Life partner ls the most important person in life so we should recognise our responsibility for our partners well-being and happiness , means we should not be cause of their distress. We should love spouse unconditionally. That doesn't mean we have to accept any wrong things , just deal with matters in a compassionate and mature manner. If we lose our temper , we should immediately try to cool down and never hesitate to say sorry .False ego is bad for relationship.

Both should act as a team . Always think "our money" not "my money", always think "our house" and be wiling to share all household chores and financial responsibility as per capacity without gender roles.

 

There may be instances the couple may chose to keep their finances separate from each other. There are also many instances that it may be the best thing and justified.
My friend has saved lot of money, due to health issues not working anymore. Wife is a spend thrift and her entire family is dependent on her. They both have chosen to keep their finances separate. They don't control each other and hence there is no conflict and are happily married.