Parents/siblings

rosylife · Jan 4, 2019

Asking for a friend. My friend has one elder brother and a younger sister. Their dad works in a private firm and is about to retire in few months time. My friend is worried and confused after learning from his dad that he hasn’t planned for retirement. He being from a middle class family was shocked to know his dad has zero savings.

His salary is not enough as he has a one year old and wife is expecting. His dad spend maximum money on teaching his sister. His brother has only done diploma because of money issues and he also has a family to look after. His sister is working now and not helping to run the household.

Admission was taken for his sister after paying 70lakhs donation. While his college fee for four years was around 5 lakhs.

Who will look after parents money needs now? According to him his sister has to look after as his parents invested a lot on her. He and his elder brother earns very less compared to their sister.

I couldn’t give any suggestion or advice as I not able to figure out if it will be fair on the sister. Another thing is all of them scored well in studies but the parents invested more on the sister .

Needtobestrong · Jan 4, 2019

If your friend's father dint have proper savings he should have been upfront about it and not invested so much..70+5 lakh is a very big amount even for upper middle class families...also how did he arrange for this money? Through personal funds or by taking loan or borrowing from someone?his sister should contribute some money to household considering circumstances, else help in repaying education loan taken..need to know entire situation before commenting further..

Anusha2917 · Jan 4, 2019

A mutual understanding between the siblings is required. Is that girl married yet ?
Now just because the father didn't spend on son's education he can't say he can't help him at all. Within his reach how much ever he can he should. His financial situation will improve with time and initially it maybe tough but eventually he should pitch in and help his dad as much as he can .
Same holds good with daughter. She should continue to help as much as she can afford if she's in a job. Parents, their old-age ,money needs, hospital needs etc are equal responsibility of all the kids whether one got more money or less money is a secondary topic. It cannot be like u gave me 10 rupees only and I will return you only 10 rupees. Doesn't work in relationship that way. Especially with parents.

rachaputi · Jan 4, 2019

Using that reason it will not be fair morally.. in financial perspective, girl can give larger contribution in total expenses. For moral/physical support everyone's responsibility.

rosylife · Jan 5, 2019

Needtobestrong said: ↑

If your friend's father dint have proper savings he should have been upfront about it and not invested so much..70+5 lakh is a very big amount even for upper middle class families...also how did he arrange for this money? Through personal funds or by taking loan or borrowing from someone?his sister should contribute some money to household considering circumstances, else help in repaying education loan taken..need to know entire situation before commenting further..
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He said that his dad sold all the family property they had and also took loan over the house they are staying now. His sister is about to get married and is asking help from them for her wedding expenses. His parents have some savings for her marriage.

Topaz49 · Jan 9, 2019

rosylife said: ↑

savings
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If they are truly concerned, it is time to have family discussion so everyone has a chance to evaluate the situation and come to some resolution. "savings" should be used to pay the loan on the house; otherwise they may not even have a house to live in.

Sister should have an opportunity to explain herself why she is asking them to help. Perhaps, she has not seriously thought through her parents financial situation. She may change her mind after the family discussion either to spend herself on her marriage or go to the court house.

armummy · Jan 9, 2019

I am quite amazed that brother says he stopped at diploma due to money issues and they spent 70 lakhs on sister ... I am not sure if it is true , may be brother did not show interest in studies ..

If they paid 70 lakhs , it should have been a professional course , how is sister doing in terms of employment , and family should discuss how she can repay the money back to parents in full or part.

The only advise you can give is to them have a discussion with sis and plan for division of responsibilities regarding parents care. Brother cannot completely push it off on sister and sister cannot wash her hands off.

rosylife · Jan 13, 2019

armummy said: ↑

I am quite amazed that brother says he stopped at diploma due to money issues and they spent 70 lakhs on sister ... I am not sure if it is true , may be brother did not show interest in studies ..

If they paid 70 lakhs , it should have been a professional course , how is sister doing in terms of employment , and family should discuss how she can repay the money back to parents in full or part.

The only advise you can give is to them have a discussion with sis and plan for division of responsibilities regarding parents care. Brother cannot completely push it off on sister and sister cannot wash her hands off.
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Yes the sister is a doctor now.. He said that he and his brother both of them scored above 90% at that time. These days I think most get above 90%. His sister has started working but earns less according to her. She told them that she wants to save the money for her marriage.

Can the sister be expected to repay? I dunno if that can be asked. Sister knows about parents financial issues but said that she has to pay for her wedding.

rosylife · Jan 13, 2019

My friend told me yesterday that his wife told him that its unfair of his parents to expect a lot from the brothers . His brother has accussed his parents of partiality already and now his wife is also saying it wasn’t fair. Both the brothers wanted to study medicine , but the parents chose the youngest for medicine. All of them studied well enough.

According to his wife and brother the parents should have split the money and taught all of them equally. Now because of their profession they are earning lesser than sister and still have to contribute equally.

It seems elder brother is going to ask his dad why he din’t atleast fund studies to learn Dentistry for all three of them. In that way he feels all of them could have earned a decent income and would have looked after equally.

DXBDesi · Jan 13, 2019

Friend should ensure family doesn't get to know of wife's opinion .... even if they may guess she would think this way

Then it will be a case of "dear son brainwashed by wife to not help old and poor parents"