# Me Too And A Knee-jerk Reaction By Men

We live in a land that is referred to as Bharat Maata, our earth is Bhoomaata, we worship Durga Maa (incidentally, this is Navratri season!), yet we don't like our women or their well-being. We look at them as objects of entertainment or the subservient beings and we never miss an opportunity to snuff them out. We love our women when they are in the photo frames or follow all the diktats laid down by men!

#MeToo movement has arrived in India to the discomfort of Indian men. Several women have bravely come out with their stories about harassment and sexual abuse at the workplace in the hands of men who were their bosses, seniors in their profession and who could control their future.

#MeToo is a passionate issue for women because most of us have been in that situation or we have been forced to change our paths, strategies or accept a step-down assignment while the perpetrator of the crime got away scot-free. Haven’t everyone seen this and can’t they understand the injustice women have been subjected to. When men and women are integral parts of the biological system and when we need one another from birth to death, what do men gain by forcing women to be subservient and ill-treat them at every walk of life? Why don't they treat women as humans and equal partners?

Whenever women voiced their concerns they were asked to ignore or shut up by their organizations, friends and parents. Most women have suffered a silent rage all along; mental trauma, a sense of self-doubt, loss of esteem, loss of courage or drive to dream big, a general loss of faith in the society and so on. With the #MeToo gaining momentum, voices that were hitherto buried have risen.

Why Don't Victims of Sexual Harassment Come Forward Sooner? | Psychology Today

God has been immensely kind to me and I have not experienced the worst as many other women have experienced. (Whatever little happened, I had to keep quiet. I never learnt to dream big or take big leaps of faith. I spent all my energies in ‘protect' myself!) As little girls, we were taught how to stand, sit, eat, and give up on many dreams because we lived in a man's world. When we complained against boys, we were asked to ignore, change our course and stay in groups for our own good. Hardly anybody thought that boys too had to be taught to stop misbehaving, to treat and respect girls as equals.

As young vulnerable girls we learnt the following lessons:

1. Don't go without the protection of an adult (because men attack)

2. Avoid public places (because men can't control their hands)

3. If anyone tries to act smart, put your head down and walk away (because men don't like any reasons or logic; when their fragile egos are hurt, they can stalk, threaten with worst consequence, physically or sexually assault, throw acid and so on. Since boys will be boys, a girl's safety is in her silence.)

4. Hide from the public gaze (because men have no control over their urges)

……. What a list of fantastic lessons that we learnt! With such lessons and constant misconduct by men around, we survived and achieved whatever little we could. How fair was our situation? Do boys grow under such suffocating situations?

What I don't understand is why every man should get negatively disturbed and defensive as the #MeToo gains momentum? Why are they bent upon slut shaming, publically abusing and accusing women of being greedy for a few moments of name and fame? This knee-jerk reaction astonishes and shocks me to the core. Do I fail to understand why are men so apprehensive? Why are they imagining the worst outcome? Is it guilt or fear that is affecting them? Why are they so particular about the time frame? When there is an able legal system in India, it is for the accuser and the accused to sort out the issue. Let them battle it out and may the right one win the case and till then why call these women names and overreact with statements like women are opportunists, gold diggers, serpents etc and they asked for the trouble by aiming high and so on? Even a sex worker has the right to say ‘NO' and that has to be respected. Nobody has the right to violate another person and walk away free. Would these men who are so rattled by #MeToo, keep quiet and support the predators had their mothers or daughters been attacked?

I am unable to understand the fear psychosis that has gripped men and we have to laud the amazing sense of solidarity they are displaying with the accused! Why aren't there any responsible articles by men acknowledging the unfairness? Why no responsible advice from men to other men to stop their predatory habits? Instead of slut shaming the accusers, why aren't the accused men shamed publically? (Today actor Akshay Kumar, Farhan Akhtar and Farah Khan have issued statements against Sajid Khan’s indiscretions. This is a positive move.) Instead of acknowledging the possibility of an offence, why are ludicrous and inane jokes being made at the cost of women belittling their concerns?

Of late, I am hearing 'wise' men say that henceforth we need only single-sex offices, we must refuse to work with women, we must not employ women and so on. Any logic in this 'All or none' reactions?

A certain Geetanjali Arora's tough talk against #MeToo is being showcased on the social media to trivialize the movement. If this is an authentic post, I would say that this lady is gutsy and immensely lucky. None of the guys slapped by her threw acid on her, organized a joint assault or rape! During my tenth public exam, our centre was a boy's school. Because I refused to allow the boy next to me to copy from my answer sheet, he spat on me in the examination hall and wrote dirty things on my books kept outside the hall, he and his gang followed me till my home like a pack of wolves and when I complained to our invigilator, all he said was, 'ignore and write the exam, nothing will happen'! For the remaining days, my father would escort me to and from the exam centre! For many days even after the exams, I would freeze looking at those guys hovering around my home. Everyone knows what happens in the public transport buses and how no one steps forward to stop those anti-social elements harassing girls or women. Slapping is unimaginable under those circumstances when the public around acts dumb, deaf and blind!

Agreed, that many cases that have come up on the social media and many men have been named. Some of the cases seem frivolous. In many cases, prima facie we know when the case is an opportunistic one. For example, the case against Chetan Bhagat seems totally flimsy to me. A few such cases do not destroy the authenticity of the scores of such other cases. In Tanushree Vs Nana case, there are strong shreds of evidence in her favour; journalists, ADs and others on the set have corroborated her statements, yet I don't see her getting enough support or sympathy. Nana's political connection, good social acts and talent seem to make him immune!




Let us give both of them the benefit of doubt. May there be a fair trial and at the end of it let us all jointly shame the opportunistic woman or the man. Till then, can we be a bit restrained in our reactions?

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Manisha, Can you believe, I read somewhere a couple of days back that Nana cannot be tried because he is a great actor and a human being! I am a fan of his acting and his social work, still, I would want him to be tried by our legal system. Let him prove that all the proofs against him are wrong. Sanskari Aloknath, Sajid Khan, Salman Khan, MJ Akbar...the list of offenders is endless!

 

Isn't that really shocking? Only a victim would know how it hurts and destroys one at the core.

 

Good one, Shravs, agree 100%.

 

Suasin,

Thanks for this fb. I grew up in a city and for our own good, we learnt to keep quiet. We never wore pants or fitted clothes, still, we were touched badly whenever we were in public places! Even after my marriage, when I freelanced, I have had men passing innuendoes or sexist remarks. I had the luxury of not wanting to work but I realise what I lost or gained now because of this inherent fear. If only our men learn to respect women, most of these sexual harassment cases would come down. Girls and women can develop to their full potential. We must teach our daughters to shout, slap and report. We must also teach our boys to respect all and treat everyone well. Everyone must learn to respect each other's spaces.