How To Deal Money Matter With In-laws

lakshya2018 · Oct 11, 2018

Hi ladies,

Im working women recently married. My in laws are behaving good so far. My MIL used to cook for each day without any complain and my FIL took good care of me. Its normal family.
Until marriage, I keep my salary myself ... my parents never asked my salary. They gave me freedom to do whatever i want to do with it. I never wasted money for unwanted things. I saved money and bought jewels for my marriage. Im so independent and value money most importantly I very well know invest my money in good way.

It changed upside down when my FIL asked my salary. I dont expect it. It was a shock for me. For family expenses, they have money then Why they are asking mine. I know what you people... It happens in most of the house right? but it different for me because i brought up in such way. Both our families are middle class. But parent home is bit different.

I made up my mind what is the big deal in giving my salary after all this is also my family. I kept some part of money myself for saving and gave remaining salary. First they said Going to invest my salary in chit fund(1 L chit). Even after two months, they didnt put chit or gold chit.

I wanted to know what they are doing with my money?? If they are not going to do anything with my salary then it is better to be in my bank account. Atleast i get some money as interest. How to ask them politely about my money? beacuse they are so nice to me i dont want to hurt them.

Once my MIL said we will save ur & my son's salary to buy plot or new house. Why to keep the money in house locker when we are not going to use it? Atleast can buy gold jewels or coins in my money ?? just keeping it in locker is useful?

Don't know why my FIL want to rule the family when his son s in early 30s ... they are treating him as a child. Ok I dont bother about it now(future worries). My MIL buying jewels for herself but when i ask my husband to buy jewel in my salary he s keeping mum or saying any excuse. My doubt started here... why they are hesitating to buy from my money???

Last month he gave less the amount of salary than other months and he said I paid phone bill(One bill for all 3 of us (post paid family plan) ). My FIL said I wont pay for phone bill ...give the remaining salary... Whaaat ???? he s indirectly asking me pay the phone bill. my husband also gives his whole salary to his father. My FIL daily give some money for his day to day expenses. So he dont have money pay the bill. I'm the one who keep some money for saving & give remaining salary to them. So he s asking me to pay...

Please suggest me some way how to deal with this matter.. I dont want to hurt them also i dont want to lose my money. May be my doubt about my inlaws may be wrong. I just to know it.

Thanks.

nakshatra1 · Oct 11, 2018

Your in-laws are aged , they may not have much idea about complex investments and they could be duped by some brokers. If it's their income it is their right and freedom to do what they like , but it's not a good idea to invest someone else's money in chit fund . It is human nature that when we earn salary , we may want that , apart from household expenses /savings .. we may want to give some to charity , some.to our parents , some little bit for enjoyment like watching movie etc .. if u hand over to in-laws u will not be able to do these because u will feel awkward each time asking money . U don't have to hurt them but tell then that u are better equipped and knowledgeable regarding investments so u want to handle it yourself.keep them in the loop in your planning so they will not get hurt . Be transparent but take control ,think of them like your parents and talk freely that how u want the money to be invested . Everything will be fine .

lakshya2018 · Oct 11, 2018

nakshatra1 said: ↑

Your in-laws are aged , they may not have much idea about complex investments and they could be duped by some brokers. If it's their income it is their right and freedom to do what they like , but it's not a good idea to invest someone else's money in chit fund . It is human nature that when we earn salary , we may want that , apart from household expenses /savings .. we may want to give some to charity , some.to our parents , some little bit for enjoyment like watching movie etc .. if u hand over to in-laws u will not be able to do these because u will feel awkward each time asking money . U don't have to hurt them but tell then that u are better equipped and knowledgeable regarding investments so u want to handle it yourself.keep them in the loop in your planning so they will not get hurt . Be transparent but take control ,think of them like your parents and talk freely that how u want the money to be invested . Everything will be fine .
Click to expand...

Thanks for your suggestion nakshatra1.

I doubt whether they accept it or not. because it is their custom. My FIL's father kept control of all expenses & their incomes when they are young. Now, his brothers, daughter's PIL are all following same.
I thought to ask them to put Gold plan from my salary. But my FIL works in jewellery shop so if say that he will put in his shop... and i have doubt end of the Gold plan will they buy jewel for me or their daughter/grandchild.

They wont allow me to put in other shops because they will say here we have discounts as Im employee whereas in other shops wastage and making charge will be high. It happened once I bought Gold coin.

sweetsmiley · Oct 11, 2018

Try find couple of very good government investment schemes and talk about them and ask them to invest in that...
See the response for that.. if they agree to do, then you can continue the same..

if they are not agreeing for ur suggestion, find some relative/ur father and ask them to talk about some good savings scheme/land and inform ur FIL to invest in that for both of you... land is better option, you can avail some loan and salary will go to loan.

If both doesnt work out, Ask for some good gold jewellery...

If nothing works out, buy gold jewellery on your own and dont give money for one month. Take ur husband with you for buying...obviously some fights/differences arise, be ready for that.

And start contribute in house tasks including cooking and maintanence, so you will get some control in the house.
No need to be cunning but be smart.

lakshya2018 · Oct 11, 2018

sweetsmiley said: ↑

Try find couple of very good government investment schemes and talk about them and ask them to invest in that...
See the response for that.. if they agree to do, then you can continue the same..

if they are not agreeing for ur suggestion, find some relative/ur father and ask them to talk about some good savings scheme/land and inform ur FIL to invest in that for both of you... land is better option, you can avail some loan and salary will go to loan.

If both doesnt work out, Ask for some good gold jewellery...

If nothing works out, buy gold jewellery on your own and dont give money for one month. Take ur husband with you for buying...obviously some fights/differences arise, be ready for that.

And start contribute in house tasks including cooking and maintanence, so you will get some control in the house.
No need to be cunning but be smart.
Click to expand...

Thank you so much. will try it. blaming them alone will not resolve the issue. I will put my input once or twice. Let see what's their reaction.
Once again thank you @sweetsmiley ...

lakshya2018 · Oct 11, 2018

Hi ILT's

Please share your stories.. if you too come across these type of issues. It will be great help for to me solve my problem. Thanks for those who shared your opinions. I will surely make use of it.

armummy · Oct 11, 2018

One thing I Always tell my younger cousins or colleagues is to never give up control on your income however good the husband is .

There is no easy way to do this, this will cause conflict but you should stick to your guns on this issue.

You can give some percentage of your income for house hold expenses and for rest find a long term LIC policy or mutual fund and start investing in it and let your inlaws know that you have invested as it gives good returns or tax saving purposes. Also if you have not started PPF , start it immediately my and fund it to the max , it is very good tax saving instrument and returns are good too, give the excuse of tax saving to your inlaws.

Be firm and tell your husband that you would like to manage the money and you will contribute when they are to invest in property or what ever they told. Make sure you are party of that investment when you do it.

Since your husband gives his salary to inlaws it is a tough fight for you but you should fight it. Don't let anyone control your income

salad · Oct 11, 2018

Yours is similar to my story. My in laws took my h salary. They wanted my salary too. Same as you I gave part of my salary. My fil is working and had properties to rent but he won't.

After few years I realized they are considering me as ATM machine. Mil told me she is taking money from me and h and investing it in MIL's name!! And after them it will goto BIL( They do have lakhs in their bank and other properties+ mine & h salary). I was shocked. I didn't get the logic behind it. But it is a long story.

After so much drama. Now me and h decided a amount which we give them monthly. I bought a property in my name and told them we have loan to pay this is all we can pay now.

Every now and then my mil & fil keeps blaming me,bully me but I don't care. My h got transfer and we don't stay with in laws right now. I keep a minimum relation and have mental peace.

My lesson is buy a flat in your name. If you can't move, at least you can rent it and get some income. You and h need to work together. Decide how much needed for monthly expense and hand over just that to in laws. If they ask for money to investment tell them you are investing it already so you can manage. All is well. Secure your self financially.

salad · Oct 11, 2018

Newly Married Women-financial Tips

Newly Married Women-financial Tips

Go through the above link.

lakshya2018 · Oct 11, 2018

salad said: ↑

Newly Married Women-financial Tips

Newly Married Women-financial Tips

Go through the above link.
Click to expand...

thank you. I go through it