Relationship Hijack And Banter

me too

 

True. Dowry has to stopped . Givers and takers has to be aware that dowry is unnecessarily creating burden for the giver. Inheritance is different from dowry.

 

Very true. Dowry is a curse for the society. Hope people get aware of it.

 

If the "dowry has to be stopped" people are a big segment of the marriage market (buyers and sellers) then websites like shadi, bharatmatri', horoscopexchange would have to take notice, and offer a special highlight to those profiles that support such a stance. And those who use those sites could use no-dowry as a filter for their searches. Society can only be changed by offering incentives for civil behavior.

The state (government, legislation) should not intervene and make rules, price controls, and loopholes like sreedhan. We already have criminal penalties attached to extortion of married girls under the 498A IPC statute.

 

True , inheritance cannot be compared to dowry . Inheritance does not create a burden on the parents . The son automatically gets his parents inheritance as he and his wife live with his parents taking care of them in old age which is a very difficult job and it's the sons home so they inherit it .. it's not a give and take because the son , his wife , his parents , his kids all live like one family in that house - it is not something they snatch from his parents ; parents are free to use their property in whatever way they want . Daughter should also get inheritance if she takes care of her parents .

But dowry creates a burden on the girls parents and gives wrong impression that a woman is a burden so the husband has to be compensated for taking this burden . Dowry implies there is no respect for a woman /wife's role in a marriage and inspirte of all her contribution to child bearing , child care, elderly care , home making she is still seen as a burden .If. A man feels that being a breadwinner is too much burden then he can go for working-earning wife . But definitely not take dowry from her parents .

 

Why is their any shame in walking empty handed into a rich family -Marriage is not a business . The man is marrying the woman because he needs a wife and she will do her role as home maker / child bearer /child care/ life partner etc she is not some free loader who needs to feel ashamed . And most of the inheritance goes to that son whose wife (and he ) takes care of his parents because that's his home.

If still the man feels that he deserves her parents inheritance then he should be ready to take care of her parents in the same way as they take care of his parents ..And no one should demand inheritance in the first place . If woman's parents are asking about the man's parents property during marriage they are equally bad. Parents hard earned property is for the parents to enjoy (by selling , renting etc . If anything is left they will pass it on).This who are after property , money , dowry they don't have any values for relationships .

 

In our society women never had a recognition as an independent entity. She is like a baton being passed from father, to husband, and in her old age, to a son.

Your message describes well this relay race of life, where a woman is simply a thing they carried like a baton.

The recent Indian supreme court judgement went a little step forward in recognizing a woman as a real person, and not the property of her husband.

Parents have to come around to recognizing that

• A daughter's education is as important as a sons, and if the money slated for her dowry is spent on her education, she may find her own match, and/or stay home and support her own parents in old age.
• A girl-child's misery is often initiated by her parents in not preparing her well enough for life in the real world, and then after having handicapped her so, go ahead and foist her on some caretaker-husband and pay the fee for such care-taking. As the famous saying goes "Stupid is what Stupid does"

 

Yeap.
Isnt the most important responsibility as a parent teaching - how to stand on your feet?
Have we failed to instill into our next gen the pride of being self made person?
Food , shelter and a Can-do spirit - is it too much?

@Shanvy, what lovely example you have set. Salute!

 

Yes. Goody-goody parents who mollycoddle their children do their kids a major disservice. If you are in India, you are allowed to put your kids across your knees, and give them a few sharp stinging slaps to their bottoms, whenever the kids seem to be asking for it. Have to do this before they grow up too much and hit you back. I really wish we have some kind of obedience training for kids, like we have for guide dogs. When we are old and decrepit, the guide dogs take us everywhere, it would be nice to have our own children trained well enough to do that.

A nice combination of

1. parents providing a good education that has the scope of getting the girl-child a means to make a living, and perhaps even to support a slug in the form of a husband.
2. creating a dysfunctional family environment such that both boys and girls in the household would want to get (the hell) out of there and establish themselves as independent households, or households with room-mates who are kindred spirits, even when unmarried.​

would be such a gift for the children to make them well-adjusted adults for the real world living.