Relationship Hijack And Banter

The very expensive RE in India surely adds to the misery of the institution of marriage. Parents own a house (or even a 3BHK-2B flat) in a metro, and the son obviously knows it's worth, and he could not afford to get a flat of his own to live with his new (& employed in most cases) bride, the bride ends up with an incompatible mother-in-law. The scheme of the married young couple could be that the home they share would eventually be theirs and they need to put up with the trials of a collective family in the interim. More often than not, that interim would be very long, and much of their lives would'a been spent in hell already before the house becomes theirs.

Recently I looked at the indian census data for 2001, and it appears that 50% of people had never been married. It is very likely that trend had continued to the current day. In fact we have a few 40-60 year olds (in both genders) in the extended family who had never been married. It is sad; but, isn't that a good thing also ?

 

It is demand and supply ... If people stop buying the demand will reduce .

Two culprits are involved in the transaction even by law both giver and taker are punishable .
you cannot paint one as saint and other as demon . Both are responsible for the system to flourish .

anyway enjoy your day /night .

I will have to Leave at this.

 

Did the data exclude Children from never married category. 50% seems high

 

Me neither, what was I saying?

What if the kid attracts wrong partner because he/she has money?

 

You were replying to sunshine the exchange was a bit cryptic she said many mums here will take dowry or something like that

 

Hahaha I read your words with a shock... of recognition hence the laugh. You see poovai my extended we are all here and so far all incomings have been non Indian. And our side is telling their kids are all telling exactly same things to parents what your niece said hahaha. We were all under impression must be non Indians don’t care, won’t give so they are demanding whole both sides giving from one side only ie from our extended Indian side hahaha
Didn’t realize this is global phenomenon or that it is even happening in India!

This is interesting. why do you think this is? Why our Indian kids are feeling so much entitled

 

census data link: Modifying The Arranged Marriage Model
Yes; kids [those below 15] are in the 50%.
If they are removed, the percentage falls to roughly 25%.

 

It is possible for the "giving"-parents to attach conditions. For example in America they have revokable trusts which will own the condo (flat) that the kids live in, and in case the marriage breaks up (and many do), the property is not in contention (in the divorce settlement) at all, because it belongs to a trust that is controlled by parents. If the marriage is long lasting, the trust usually transfers the property when the children of the marriage are ready to go to college.

Parents figure that the married couple, even if incompatible, would be too darn old by then, and besides the property can be sold to fund the grand-children's college education, if their parents wish that.

Some private banks in India can do that for property owners, who have a mortgage (with that bank) on that property, and the parents are responsible for EMI. Essentially the dowry-flat is held by the parents as a hostage (surety money) for the good life of their daughter in the marital home. A juicy carrot on a long stick.

 

Reminds me of the good old days when the child will hold his breath, his cheeks bulging away, ....(so cute) ..., till we give in to his demands. And we'd be holding large skillets like tennis rackets, just to catch the burst of the half chewed food that will come out when he gives up.

 

The word dowry, and look at how many trajectories..wow.

25yrs ago,me and my husband took nothing from the parents..25yrs later we still have not taken any.my inhertitance we refused, explained the same to the kids too. we showed by living that we are capable of making our own fortune.

coming to my kids, we do not want to give nor take any. infact, my dd says why should you give it on a plate, when you worked for yours..the young man, says support me a little for my education. rest you both enjoy, have fun, you deserve it for the way you worked for it.

so if i was gifting some jewels for my dd for her wedding (does that become dowry??) i would be doing the same amount for the dil. this is something i stated 10 yrs back when we had a similar discussion in these forums, and i still stand by the same.

so coming to the latest trend, casual talks and enquiries happen, when your kid is of marriageable age, mine being 23, and the demand for brides in this community, happens frequently, and i smile saying when she is ready. well that lead to question if she has a bf and all, and that is a story for another day..

you are a nri, in such a position, you should atleast be able to put some 250gms worth jewellery apart from silver, and grand wedding.. my niece got married, being the only daughter, my cousin stretched and did around for 50 lakhs when the groom is from relatives circle...I was upset. i was telling the dh, why should this lady stretch so much and do everything, what happens when she is in need..why not give things after her to the daughter. why not deposits instead of the lavish spending..

the manager at the bank, is a close friend, and when we were talking and told him, there is no point in buying jewellery because none of us are so into it, he says, you are lucky, my daughter who is 23, has told me i should exchange all the jewellery and also arrange a lavish wedding, and she wont settle for anything less. (citing this, to say why should groom side be always blamed) ..

you are doing it for your girl, do what you want to do is a commonly heard dialogue too.

and i am not sure how many of you understand tamil, but if you understand, you should see a episode of neeya naana a show, that took tn by storm..can't find the full episoode.

(this was a troll)

though there may be justification and reasoning for their demands, but this gen..a sample here..not that all girls are this way..