Need Advice On Convincing Dh

@pinky2cute , I would start with writing down exactly where you will need help.

Cooking? Can be cooked in advance, portion and freeze. trust me. I did this for a good friend of mine when she underwent a major surgery and she couldn't walk at all for 6 weeks. Plan now, portion and freeze. You need it for 4 weeks? Plan for 6 weeks and cook and freeze. This should be the least of worries.

Attending to you: Who will do this for you if you need to use the washroom/ shower? Everyone knows its not going to be your inlaws or your DH. It has to be outside help, even if your inlaws are in the same house. So, start looking for a maid.

What next? list down the issues and we can tackle it. Make that list, it will help you come up with answers when your DH starts being a 4 year old again.

 

I am more inclined to suggest that you have your in laws over for a very short time in your place while you recover from surgery. But you know them and your ability to deal with their presence better.
Recovering from a major surgery is pretty stressfull, so you should get to decide who is around you while you go through this process. If husband still insists , stay and recuperate at parents place . Let him spend time with his folks and they can leave before you come back. I hope you have a speedy recovery.

 

Ok do one thing. See a house in the city you decided. Pay the advance. Tell them you will be shifting only after a month.
Get the surgery done take rest at moms place. Since your mom is unable to take care of you, hire a nurse there. After one month , shift to your new place happily with your DH.
Tell him , as you are undergoing surgery, you shouldn’t take too much stress. If his parents come to new home at this time , you will be very much under stress. Do you want this to happen? Or faster recovery from surgery? Ask him such questions and let him think.
Tell him you can invite his parents after you settle. So it will not be a problem for anyone

And Is it possible for your DH to shift to that new job only after your surgery?

 

Pinky,

Okay, I understood your dilemma. As shravs suggested, spend a month after the surgery with your parents and hire maid exclusively to help you so that your mom is not taxed. After a month long rest, move into the new house with hubby. Don't worry unnecessarily and spoil your today. As far as the in-laws are concerned, tell your dh that they won't be able to help you physically due to their advanced age, so after your surgery you would LOVE to have them with you in the new house for a while. If necessary, you may stock your refrigerator with precooked food, dosa batter, a couple of varieties of spicy chutneys etc. He should be able to manage with that. All the best.

 

Yes tat would be better. But don’t stress too much thinking about Inlaws.
Right now surgery is your main priority.
Since your DH is already in new job then don’t worry about such things.

Daily keep reminding him that only after you guys settle at new home, you can invite them for few days.

We cannot stop inlaws completely from visiting our home.
That may cause further issues in future.
So only after settling well you can invite them for shorter duration.
Some owners will ask how many people will be staying in the house. Mention only 2 of them will be staying to your owner.
Indicate this to your DH , so inlaws can stay only for small duration.

 

Hey pinky,
Since your husband is already staying with friend,go to parents house and have surgery. Recover fully . Health is more important in the long run .
It is just one month.
Stay in close touch with husband .

If money is tight,why not look for a studio or one bedroom apartment for now instead of a two bedroom apartment.

Once you get a job, you can shift into a bigger one .
Financial burden can cause problems in early marriage.

Getting a smaller house will reduce the financial burden and it is easier to maintain . Less cleaning required,less things required ,less rent,less security deposit,less maid salary.

This will also be like making a compromise with him to help him .
He is the only earning member and his financial distress should be acknowledged.

He may be feeling overwhelmed by the new responsibility of starting a new home and full responsibility of it for the first time.

Acknowledge his fear and offer a soulution.
Make him feel that things will slowly get better and soon you will be joining him in reducing his load.


For the rented apartment,you both can do the puja . Tell him you will invites both parents when you both buy a house in the future.
Or when you rent a bigger house.

As for the fear of husband getting brainwashed....he can get brainwashed even when you both are together.
Tell him to enjoy living with friend for now like a forced bachelor.
If they brainwash,you do the same. Your husband will either learn to stop getting brainwashed or keep getting brainwashed by whoever is stronger. Make sure you are stronger with better logic and solutions .