A Letter To A Son Entering University(from A Stay-at-home Mom)

anushri · Jul 11, 2018

My darling,
Yesterday when I left you in the hostel, I was reminded of the first day of your preschool. That day You hugged me tight refusing to enter your school. Don't know why, I am missing that day a lot. From yesterday I keep replaying that day again and again. Yesterday, I hugged you when I was leaving, you said "Chill ma", patting my shoulders. I see our roles have reversed now. I realise that in this period you have grown independent where as I have grown dependant on you.
Since your father is working in a place several miles away from us, I was always an overprotective parent, trying to do both the roles and messing up most of the times.. this has often left you confused.. You were never comfortable in hugs and kisses. But when I underwent hysterectomy and oophorectomy, I hugged you and said that I am a mother only because of you. From that day you used to come to me for the morning hugs to make feel better. You continued this till I got strong physically and emotionally.
I will miss our long chats and silly laughter at nights. Our unplanned movie dates... Eating outs.... Never ending discussion on Friends serial... Will you miss any of these?To be precise, will you miss me?
Being an Indian parent, I was worried about your performance in higher secondary.. We were fighting all the time.. I was hurt when you even told me that you will remember only the angry mother.. I thought I had lost you. Couple of weeks ago you asked me to listen to Rockabye song. I knew that song is about a single mom.. It did not affect me then.. Now when I was listening to it back home after seeing you it brought tears in my eyes.
Today when we were having lunch, you asked me casually, "So how many hours did you cry yesterday after leaving me in hostel". I was dumbstruck.. I am at an age where I strongly feel "Love is understanding". You have understood me so well.
Our conversation have changed in these two days... From "ma, I need crispy dosa.. You need to improve your cooking... where is my tie/shirt" to "ma, how do we wash this shirt... How many days can I use one towel". I have mixed feelings... I am happy that you are becoming independent. At the same time I miss my routines.. Every day waking up to make breakfast and boiling milk for you will not be my routine anymore.. That background process on my mind which always plans your lunch and dinner is confused now.. I should have had a hobby or a part-time job. It would've distracted me and not made me feel miserable.. I did enjoy making you my life.. Now I am facing the consequences.. Oh, Is this empty nest syndrome?? Will I survive this?? Please do call me to talk to me...

GeetaKashyap · Jul 11, 2018

anushri said: ↑

My darling,
Yesterday when I left you in the hostel, I was reminded of the first day of your preschool. That day You hugged me tight refusing to enter your school. Don't know why, I missing that day a lot. From yesterday I keep replaying that day again and again. Yesterday, I hugged you when I was leaving, you said "Chill ma", patting my shoulders. I see our roles have reversed now. I realise that in this period you have grown independent where as I have grown dependant on you.
Since your father is working in a place several miles away from us, I was always an overprotective parent, trying to do both the roles and messing up most of the times.. this has often left you confused.. You were never comfortable in hugs and kisses. But when I underwent hysterectomy and oophorectomy, I hugged you and said that I am a mother only because of you. From that day you used to come to me for the morning hugs to make feel better. You continued this till I got strong physically and emotionally.
I will miss our long chats and silly laughter at nights. Our unplanned movie dates... Eating outs.... Never ending discussion on Friends serial... Will you miss any of these?To be precise, will you miss me?
Being an Indian parent, I was worried about your performance in higher secondary.. We were fighting all the time.. I was hurt when you even told me that you will remember only the angry mother.. I thought I had lost you. Couple of weeks ago you asked me to listen to Rockabye song. I knew that song is about a single mom.. It did not affect me then.. Now when I was listening to it back home after seeing you it brought tears in my eyes.
Today when we were having lunch, you asked me casually, "So how many hours did you cry yesterday after leaving me in hostel". I was dumbstruck.. I am at an age where I strongly feel "Love is understanding". You have understood me so well.
Our conversation have changed in these two days... From "ma, I need crispy dosa.. You need to improve your cooking... where is my tie/shirt" to "ma, how do we wash this shirt... How many days can I use one towel". I have mixed feelings... I am happy that you are becoming independent. At the same time I miss my routines.. Every day waking up to make breakfast and boiling milk for you will not be my routine anymore.. That background process on my mind which always plans your lunch and dinner is confused now.. I should have had a hobby or a part-time job. It would've distracted me and not made me feel miserable.. I did enjoy making you my life.. Now I am facing the consequences.. Oh, Is this empty nest syndrome?? Will I survive this?? Please do call me to talk to me...
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A lovely post!

We never realise when the little bundle of love that we carried around grows up taller and stronger than us. We never realise when the little one to whom we taught the road safety rules grows up to help us navigate a busy street admonishing us lovingly for getting lost in our thoughts! May God bless and protect our loved ones always.

HazelPup · Jul 11, 2018

Such a lovely post. Nicely written.

anushri said: ↑

should have had a hobby or a part-time job
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Inspite of job or hobbies once a parent is always a parent. Any parent would miss their offspring when they fly off the nest. But remembering that the kid is well-equipped for the world outside and it’s time for the kid to make their own nest will bring content and satisfaction. All one could do then is sit back, watch and enjoy the efforts of one’s own hard work as the children flourish in their lives. All the very best.

sindmani · Jul 12, 2018

Nice post. Thanks for the post

Sofea · Jul 12, 2018

Anu darling! This is amazingly written and straight from the heart! I could feel your anguish, untold fear, loneliness and every other indescribable feelings that you are going through now! Any mother would.

My 3 year old son just started going to preschool a few months back and the day I first sent him was exactly as you had described of when you first sent your son to his preschool! He was clinging on me like a koala bear, with tears running down his cheeks and with eyes full of fear! That look on his face that day made me terribly sad and if given a chance, I would have carried him in my arms and run back to my car. But something told me that I have to stop protecting him under my arms. And to let him fly out on his own. He may trip, fall and even hurt himself but without that independence given to him, he would never learn to get up and fly again.

I've known you for so many years now and I have seen your little boy growing up to be the dashing young man that he is now! The sacrifices that you have done, and the hard work that you have put to make him who he is now, is not a joke! All I can say is, I wish I can be at least half the mother that you are. That itself would be a great achievement for me! You are the epitome of a wonderful mother, Anu and I wish that life bestowed upon you all the joy, love and happiness that you so deserve!

periamma · Jul 12, 2018

anushri said: ↑

My darling,
Yesterday when I left you in the hostel, I was reminded of the first day of your preschool. That day You hugged me tight refusing to enter your school. Don't know why, I am missing that day a lot. From yesterday I keep replaying that day again and again. Yesterday, I hugged you when I was leaving, you said "Chill ma", patting my shoulders. I see our roles have reversed now. I realise that in this period you have grown independent where as I have grown dependant on you.
Since your father is working in a place several miles away from us, I was always an overprotective parent, trying to do both the roles and messing up most of the times.. this has often left you confused.. You were never comfortable in hugs and kisses. But when I underwent hysterectomy and oophorectomy, I hugged you and said that I am a mother only because of you. From that day you used to come to me for the morning hugs to make feel better. You continued this till I got strong physically and emotionally.
I will miss our long chats and silly laughter at nights. Our unplanned movie dates... Eating outs.... Never ending discussion on Friends serial... Will you miss any of these?To be precise, will you miss me?
Being an Indian parent, I was worried about your performance in higher secondary.. We were fighting all the time.. I was hurt when you even told me that you will remember only the angry mother.. I thought I had lost you. Couple of weeks ago you asked me to listen to Rockabye song. I knew that song is about a single mom.. It did not affect me then.. Now when I was listening to it back home after seeing you it brought tears in my eyes.
Today when we were having lunch, you asked me casually, "So how many hours did you cry yesterday after leaving me in hostel". I was dumbstruck.. I am at an age where I strongly feel "Love is understanding". You have understood me so well.
Our conversation have changed in these two days... From "ma, I need crispy dosa.. You need to improve your cooking... where is my tie/shirt" to "ma, how do we wash this shirt... How many days can I use one towel". I have mixed feelings... I am happy that you are becoming independent. At the same time I miss my routines.. Every day waking up to make breakfast and boiling milk for you will not be my routine anymore.. That background process on my mind which always plans your lunch and dinner is confused now.. I should have had a hobby or a part-time job. It would've distracted me and not made me feel miserable.. I did enjoy making you my life.. Now I am facing the consequences.. Oh, Is this empty nest syndrome?? Will I survive this?? Please do call me to talk to me...
Click to expand...

@anushri Emotional snippet.At one stage this happens to all whether they leave the children in hostel or they go far away for their job.Thinking of their future we have to bear the pain.Yesterday our parents,Today we and tomorrow our children have to face such situations.cheer up.

anushri · Jul 12, 2018

HazelPup said: ↑

Such a lovely post. Nicely written.
Inspite of job or hobbies once a parent is always a parent. Any parent would miss their offspring when they fly off the nest. But remembering that the kid is well-equipped for the world outside and it’s time for the kid to make their own nest will bring content and satisfaction. All one could do then is sit back, watch and enjoy the efforts of one’s own hard work as the children flourish in their lives. All the very best.
Click to expand...

I did not mean to say that my suffering is more than a working mother. Mother is a mother. IMO all mothers are give their best only to their children first. Next comes their spouse/parents/siblings. I have worked and I did my masters after my son was born. I enjoyed my corporate life too. I just meant to say had I continued working I would've had a routine.Since I don't have a routine I miss him more... It will take sometime for me to accept the fact that he is okay to be off me. When the child is born they cut the umbilical cord and give us the child. So it doesn't matter even if the cord is cut. Now I feel the cord is cut for the first time.

anushri · Jul 12, 2018

Sofea said: ↑

Anu darling! This is amazingly written and straight from the heart! I could feel your anguish, untold fear, loneliness and every other indescribable feelings that you are going through now! Any mother would.

My 3 year old son just started going to preschool a few months back and the day I first sent him was exactly as you had described of when you first sent your son to his preschool! He was clinging on me like a koala bear, with tears running down his cheeks and with eyes full of fear! That look on his face that day made me terribly sad and if given a chance, I would have carried him in my arms and run back to my car. But something told me that I have to stop protecting him under my arms. And to let him fly out on his own. He may trip, fall and even hurt himself but without that independence given to him, he would never learn to get up and fly again.

I've known you for so many years now and I have seen your little boy growing up to be the dashing young man that he is now! The sacrifices that you have done, and the hard work that you have put to make him who he is now, is not a joke! All I can say is, I wish I can be at least half the mother that you are. That itself would be a great achievement for me! You are the epitome of a wonderful mother, Anu and I wish that life bestowed upon you all the joy, love and happiness that you so deserve!
Click to expand...

Thanks Sof! Thanks for the kind words.. Now when I look back and see whether I did a good job or could i have been better, your response seem to give me some assurance and peace...

anushri · Jul 12, 2018

periamma said: ↑

@anushri Emotional snippet.At one stage this happens to all whether they leave the children in hostel or they go far away for their job.Thinking of their future we have to bear the pain.Yesterday our parents,Today we and tomorrow our children have to face such situations.cheer up.
Click to expand...

Thanks... I know we can't escape... Accept the reality and move on...

anushri · Jul 12, 2018

sindmani said: ↑

Nice post. Thanks for the post
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Sindu...I wanted to talk it out to someone... When I came back home it was very late... So chose this space to pour my tears... as always..