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A Lady Avoided Conversation - As I'm On H4

Discussion in 'H4 Indian Ladies' started by Vedhavalli, Jun 10, 2018.

  1. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    @Vedhavalli,

    Please don't be so fragile that others can hurt you this easily. In your shoes, I would be glad she moved on, if she is not trying to make friends with me for my personality. Give her the benefit of doubt like others have suggested - perhaps she was trying to find out how to get a job. I have been a stay at home mom intermittently and it always has been by choice. I quit working to take care of the kids. While at home, I had people tell me things like "you should start an at home day care to help working moms like us", "Hey you stay at home no, can you pick up my kid and keep him with you till I get back from work?" If the request is from a good friend, I would absolutely do but it was usually acquaintances and I would always tell them that I was busy and couldn't help. I also gave them a benefit of doubt and assumed their request was genuine and meant nothing else, even if it meant something. That helped me immensely. I also realized, if I don't take offense it helped get better to say no with more confidence - yes, you shouldn't let this affect your self esteem. You shouldn't be finding reasons or justifying your position to anyone.

    If you are asked questions like this, be upbeat about what you do and you can talk books you read, the me time you
    try to get out of the day, the new skills you are learning or the new dish you cooked - whatever you think made you happy for the day. If they say you have a lot of time for your child, please say "Yes and I absolutely love it!"

    I somehow felt that you were genuinely hurt, so chose to respond. I am sure you have many good friends and come across quite a few wonderful women. Give them the preference, even in your thoughts.
     
    Vedhavalli, Greenbay, Laks09 and 3 others like this.
  2. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    And oh to this comment,
    way back when I moved to US Amway was pretty popular and we would get bombarded with people asking me to join considering I was not working. One time we met a couple with a toddler and newborn in a temple, made friends and the husband would call us routinely and without fail. My DH was suspicious and started avoiding them but they persisted and so one time I took the call and asked them directly if they have anything do the said business. They were mortified and we eased a sigh of relief - 20 yrs fast forward we are still good friends! Touchwood!
     
  3. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    @Vedhavalli ,

    sorry to bombard you but in a different context while reading an advise column :facepalm: :biggrin: :facepalm:, I came across some advise that can applied to many of us though it was told in a different context. I wish I could get that concise and precise like in giving counsel, but then again, thank goodness I am not! I am still learning too....So here I quote -

    "If you react to the comments positively rather than defensively, your remarks would give you the opening to smile and tell these “conventional thinkers” how proud you are of your daughter’s decision to pursue her dreams."


    See, we can all apply this at some point in our lives!!

    Okay you will hear no more from me ...promise!!
     
  4. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you... Your replies made me feel better.
     
  5. Anabalas

    Anabalas Senior IL'ite

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    DON'T YOU WORRY!
    There are few people behaving like that for the last twenty years. Just avoid them.
     
    anika987 likes this.
  6. Thenmozhi39

    Thenmozhi39 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hey. .I was working till this April in India and now on h4...nothing to feel bad of being on h4. If someone feels so let them, just ignore those kind of people. I worked in USA 6 years before. so I know both working and being at home difference.. You are preparing fresh food every morning rather than refrigerated ones.. You are spending time with kid, taking to library , been to park so on. You are much happier than them so yes they do feel jealous. . Still kids are different they change by time...
     
  7. Aarthisri2019

    Aarthisri2019 New IL'ite

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    Don't be so hard on yourself for being on h4. It is a tough busy life as it is let alone being on h4 or working. We all try to do our best to our family and friends either way Just ignore such circumstances and move on
    May be it is good teaching moment for our kids on how not to behave in the public. anyways there are so many good people you will come across. Let's keep an.open mind and take them in!!
     
  8. mayaangel

    mayaangel Gold IL'ite

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    I wouldn't give a damn to people who don't want to be friends with me. Just being a critic here. I think deep down you are missing working and annoyed that you have to say that you don't work anymore. Your quote that you worked in Fortune50 MNC suggests that you also put working women in a high pedestal. Also, if you had continued to work your kid would not be as disciplined as it is now ? :) Raising kids is not related to working mom or stay at home Mom. I am also asked many times whether I feed my baby home made food or hotel food and other obnoxious questions and also judged. It is our own insecurities that makes us interpret a situation. If you had been working and the same person had jumped conversation to another person.. what would you interpret ? It is all in the mind.. but i think you are thinking from heart and hence the feeling that people ask questions sugar coated..but they have a hidden meaning etc.. According to me it is you own insecurities that is cropping up.
     
  9. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    I think we are unnecessarily assuming that the working women would be jealous ! All people are different and we just can't stereotype like that- there are many working women who work very hard outside and also cook food before going to office , and there are many working women who are not able to do any household chores yet they are excellent mothers who spend "quality time" with their kids and provide real emotional support... there's no relationship between being a good mom and being working/non working. Many women are working for very good reasons and are happy about it. Just to sympathise with OP doesn't mean we have to show working women/other moms in a poor light. We all are contributing to our families using our own strengths and there is no need to do such comparisions.
     
    mayaangel likes this.
  10. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    I cant believe people ask you such questions - how mean of them !
     

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