My Heart Cries For My Sis Who Is Now A Mil

Hi OP,

I read your opening post and all other replies and felt that the boy is at fault, till I read the above quoted post, we cannt come to conclusion just by seeing romantic or happy pics on social media, people just upload those for society, and there could be bigger problems which cannot be even shared with parents or siblings, there might be something that nephew might be going through and is not opening up with anyone. Before judging him, is there anyone who is close to him beyond just a relative or a cousin or if possible can you get in touch with him and let him know, how his mother felt about their visit to the US of A, dont blame him or his wife or dont use the words he changed after marriage or something like that, just get to know how is his relationship with his spouse, how is his life and so on so forth. I wish everything revert and they stay connected as a family (along with new family member)

Thanks

 

I am sorry for your sister.. I couldn't agree more with Rihanna. He doesnt know what he is missing.
Not everyone has parents . To have parents who are able to travel to US is a treasure that wont last forever.

That said , since this behaviour seems unlike him, have your Sister/BIL had a conversation with him?
Maybe he has a reason/explanation?

It would be best to broach the subject w/o being judgemental ('changed after marriage')
Just tell him something like 'we were hoping for more time with you.. and how come you dint attend your sister's graduation..
If you have anything going on in life, we are here to support you'

 

Op, Your sister and brother in law must be devastated. At the same time, your niece acted maturely and showed lot of courage. She is a good girl. Your nephew by the way seems to be wrapped around his wife's finger. Not bad if he balanced family relationships too. But your nephew acted immaturely and same for his wife. How can he tell his parents that he has other plans the next day to visit wife's cousins. I feel that was the way to ensure his parents didn't prolong their stay in his place and leave immediately.I doubt they had any plans of visiting cousin. Your niece is a smart girl, who didn't do anything overboard and told your sister in person.Its great that she didn't rely on her brother more than necessary. She got the clue and didn't intrude on them.

This visit shud be a lesson to your sister too. Next time an invitation comes be wary. If it comes to your nephew asking about your sister's visit wade the question. If he insists tell him he behaved badly. If the DIL or son come to India, don't ask them to visit unless they want to visit your sister.Good Luck.

 

Yes, your sister need to remember this. They have allowed her as a guest just for two days, so she need to maintain the same when she need to visit them in future. But i feel very bad for ur sister - not easy to accept this treatment from own son.

Tell you sister to ask about this to her son directly instead of creating distance. this will not be resolved in any other way

 

OP,

1..Did your sis visit her son for his graduation ceremony?
2.. Or did they visit him before this trip? And was the behavior same?
3.. did he study in a hostel setup during his school or college days?
4.. who planned this trip? Your niece or nephew? And for just graduation?

Why i asked is.. one of my cousins grew in a hostel environment and unfortunately, he has shown similar behavior. He didnt know how to invite, entertain, etc. he didnt mean anything bad.. just that he wasnt used to it. But, when his parents planned to come, he took care of them well,but he didnt even invite them for many years cuz he lost that connection with them. Talking over phone was enuf for him.
Your niece seems to be quite independent. Bravo!

Somehow, the whole description looks as if his behaviour is cuz of his marriage, which puts the blame indirectly on his wife. Lets not do that.

 

I really feel bad for your sister...I can understand what she is going thru.
1)How can a person not receive own parents?
Here my husband and myself going to airport to receive people who come with family for first time to US despite our friends are well qualified, travelled wide.
2) telling parents to stay only for 2 days?
So direct to tell Don't stay more than 2 days.
It's really cruel. No one with good relationship would do that.
3) pls ask your sister to talk well to son. Ask openly what happened...
4) niece behaved Excellent,if I were her, would have cried to mom. Highly matured and handled well
5) ask your sister be normal, it's definitely painful. When the son n Dil visit India ask sis n bill to go for long trips, 2 days after their arrival.
6) ask your sis to not over bend to Dil n son.
Very formal relationship is fine.
Missing sister graduation in a alien country, within same city... Omg definitely worst behavior.

 

Hi @blessed,

Sorry to hear this story, just reading it is painful, cant imagine how hurt your sis and niece feel.

How was his relationship with his parents after marriage, before visit? Was he courteous on the phone?

Who is he close within your family? Is it your sister or her hubby? Whoever it is, should call him up when he is alone at work and have a heart to heart chat, no emotional reaction or blaming or name calling.. just a calm relaxed chat about the indifferent attitude he had (Do not talk about his wife). Things could be as simple as you didn't come to my graduation but came only for sisters’... you never know..i think your sis should do this instead of being down for so many days..at least they can learn better how their longterm relationship is going to be, and plan their financials accordingly.

Your niece is awesome, your sis should take some happiness in that.. I hope things get better for them soon!