How Do Girls Live With Their In Laws?

my mil dint even eat on the day stating some weird stomach upset reasons suddenly on the very first day i cooked in their place

 

Happens to some of us even when the IL’s visit. The problem is indian DIL’s are judged by IL all the time.

 

Somehow cooking is a good tool to make DIL’s feel inferior . FIL asks me if I use instant masalas when he likes something
I cook from scratch but never says that this is good. Its like his food won’t get digested if he praises my cooking

 

Mils dont interfere in their son’s routine as much as they interfere in their dil’s.
Just like we dils want nuclear family, may be PILs want a space of their own.. like stay near by, but not physically in same house. Who knows..

 

I want to share my situation..so that i get some peace of mind!!

My husbands parents came here for 129 days. This is their first visit after our marriage. Our's was a love marriage after a 10 years of wait. His parents have apposed for our marriage and had also kept discussions about me in many of their relatives houses and also at me friends places (i felt having a discussion on a girl at strangers place, without her presences is not manners). Staring few weeks were good, i treated them thinking my parents. I used to make them healthy food and serve. I have fulfilled all the requirements they needed. My husbands father(65) has high blood pressure and his mother(61) is diabetic and has parking son. I always have healthy diet plan from my childhood. I was following the same with my husband. Once they are here, they started making unhealthy food. I was not ok! to give unhealthy food to my husband. I used to cook with mild taste. I was effected with tuberculosis and ulcer and had bed rest for 9 months before marriage. So i don't want to get into that situation again. I know pain, so I want my husband to healthy food. His parents were not ready to eat my food. I allowed them to cook. They din't even consider my health and started cooking according to their taste. 3lb oil got finished in 2 weeks, ghee bottle in 2 weeks,46oz cashews in a week, coconut packet in 3 days. All these are the ingredients, one should not have too much. when i tell my husband, he say let them do what ever they want. I told him, that i'm worried about his health. I can stick to the limit food. But he can't stop him self when he is eating. He started eating all the unhealthy food. So, i found a way to keep him healthy. I started cooking early in the morning, so that his parents will not cook unhealthy food. This gave me a big trouble. My husband say, " you are not letting them cook and eat what they want"(as if, he controlled his food diet when i said).

They started acting weird. I always keep my home clean without any dust and water on the floor. Top of it i have a lower disc herniation, bust still i keep home clean, when ever i feel better. Not considering my pain, his parents spill food, water everywhere - everyday. So i have started cleaning everyday which resulted in worse back pain. When my husband is around, his mom acts like being nice to me and helping me in kitchen. Once he leaves to office, the old couple will be in their own world, don't even care to offer help. I'm a karate instructor. Though i'm physically tired, i used to make all the healthy food. I cut the fruits and place in the fridge and ask his parents to have them, when they are hungry. But, all the 129 days..they never had by themselves. I have to go serve them to their seats.
His mom has so much energy to draw, paint(i bought it for her boredom) and talk over the phone. But no energy to wash a vessel and make green tea herself. She acts walking slow and talks slow when her son is around. Otherwise, her's will the loudest voice and active lady. She yelled very bad at me with know reason. The words, she used were worse and i can't delete them from my brain. When their return date has neared, they started doing all the things which i don't like. . House is becoming more dirty, messy kitchen, Intentionally, they don't lock the tin caps in the kitchen cupboard and "mixing up used and unused vessels". When i show this to my husband, he says " they are getting aged, they can see". I agreed. one just one day, its happening everyday. Should i still consider my husbands statement. I clean up all the vessels and go to my classes, by the time i return, all the used and unused vessels will be mixed up. I stopped telling my husband, felt its of no use.
When i give food to my husbad, he takes it to his parents and he will eat, will not care to ask me.
When i say that i have made something special to him, he asks "did they eat?"(even they are not around). He don't even ask me.

And his father says, "i don't want to live longer and i don't want to eat healthy food." But he takes bp medicine and rushes to emergency when ever bp goes high. I don't understand his logic.

I grew up eating their food. Whats wrong if i eat that now? (software jobs, without physical exercise, eating unhealthy food). Don't know, how to explain him!!

Top of all these...his mom started lying. Which i hate to the peaks!! Now i don't have respect to them. I hate them.
Out of 129 days..100+ days i cried..feels like this is the end of the world!!

 

You cannot force adults to eat what you want ,even if it is healthy food.
As long as you are not asked to make unhealthy food,it is fine.

Your husband can be asked to have healthy food by giving him that option.

Similarly ,you should not be forced to eat unhealthy.

You make your own food and eat. Make a few of the things in more quantity and put on the table like salad, mixed grain rotis or healthy rice. Let them make the rest according to their taste.

As for cleaning...ask husband for help . If he doesn't help,get a cleaning service once a week and make him pay in front of his parents. Indian parents learn faster if their child's money is being spent on ' unnecessary services'. Tell them you have pain so you can't clean so much.

Or you just let things stay where they are till husband cleans up. Tell him your back is getting worse.

I really don't understand how people can oppose a marriage for so long and then expect good relations with the person they opposed.
If I were in your place,I would not even try to impress or care.
Why have they come to stay for so long when they don't like you?
Next time negotiate for a smaller vacation for them.

If they don't care for their health,let your husband deal with their health issues.
I sympathize with you. No one should have to host or serve people who opposed your marriage for so long .You are a good person to even care so much.

Take care of your health .There is nothing worth losing your health over.

 

Thank you so much. I feel very supportive.

 

Hi Priya
We can't change their food habits.they know it's oily,fully loaded with masala,taking non veg in night etc.they know it s unhealthy but they won't change bcos of taste.even if we tell them then we are comedian and we should be explaining them like lecture but they remain deaf.or your family will be bullied (at your parents house this s how tastes less food u take etc)
Just tell them if they don't want to hear leave them .we should not take the head of correcting their food habits.it will not happen.even it's for good dil should not say that .
Once they leave home take charge of your kitchen.cooj healthy food for u and your husband.
Fruits can be kept in table.let them have when everthey wish.serving them in hands are little extra seva.i ll just inform and go

Don't argue with you r husband now,its not going to work.leave
Don't cry for all such things.