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Friendships In India Vs Abroad..

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, Jan 9, 2018.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Lot of friends topics in IL...
    So thought to post my observation :)

    I had he good luck to stay for few months in India sometime back and was in Bangalore for a while..

    Good thing I liked is unlike here,there is a very good playarea,community classes and lots of people around.Hence,there is no need for forced friendships,play dates and "trying" to meet people and the dreaded potlucks.

    Infact,expectations like they "have" for reciprocate if we call etc are a lot less.Good Diwali,new year parties,just pay money and no force.One can go or not..their wish.

    However,everything is he opposite here abroad.Tamil group,Telugu group,Hindi group,do everything together,no space or boundaries,friendships forced..hmm.
    Especially in the apartment complex,there is so much of politics here even more than India.

    I guess since we are away from motherland,one tries too hard to know another person and adjust to feel secure but it totally backfires.guess loneliness plays a major part in our attitude here.

    back in India,one has relatives,school/college friends,either maids or random
    Neighbors,office etc etc to keep them
    Occupied and no dearth of people.The mentality is also not like "neighbors are like family ".so it's easy.

    When it comes to relationships and it's expectations ..being abroad is a curse.Yes, we need people but sometimes people overdo it and there is no space and boundaries.Trying to be friendly with whoever comes our way and vice Versa is very tough.

    Friendship is beautiful and it should go with the flow.There should be a connect and no hardwork
    Should be done to maintain.It is the same for any relationship.It has to happen naturally.

    I have some friends back in India and I still have contacts with them.I have one good friend here in the USA but as I said..it happened.i did not change who I was and neither did she.even if we have problems it gets solved easily as there is no ego and here is a connect.that is friendship.

    Relationships are relatively easy in India esp friendship.Sad in western countries it is worse.

    One OP had a thread "tricky neighborhood " influenced me to
    Jot down my observations.Thanks to her.
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Why would an adult need random neighbors or maids to keep them occupied? If the adult has some to-do's in a day and some goals, want-to-do's, they would usually be short of time for pursuing those. Almost everyone has books they want to read, skills they want to learn. Where is the dispensable time that needs to be occupied by random neighbors or maids?

    I read and hear this often -- life in U.S. is so predictable, so boring, so uniform. In India there is so much liveliness and things going on, no time or chance to be bored ... door bell ringing, people dropping by, busy with activities, social visits, dealing with maid servant, water supply, repair guys... Never a boring moment.

    It is sad if a person is unable to occupy his time and day fruitfully, seeking out company as suits him, and needs random neighbors, maid servants and so on to fill the time. There's custom written headlines and there's filler news. Aim for the headlines.

    No space and boundaries in lives abroad? I'd think it was the opposite.. too much concept of privacy, respecting boundaries and personal/life space of people.

    Maybe for a person who knows want they want from a day, and life, and how to go about that, abroad life suits. For those who need daily life's hustle and bustle to feel active and occupied, India suits better.
     
  3. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    It's true that shallow friendships are forced while living abroad.
    You like or not, attend parties attend potlucks...play date and their politics...

    I went to a desi association for volunteering on a spl day event. First question they asked was do you speak ***** language? I was shocked.
    Many a times I encounter people asking questions related to the state language which belong? Because I can speak 4 indian language fluently. I feel bad.
    You're 100% correct op Gujrathi, telgu, Tamil, Punjabi, Hindi group exist and people mingle only in that group. Within the linguistic group, sub-groups are based on the territory where we belonged, another subgroup is based on years lived, based on US degree non US degree.
    My friends office has interesting subgroup people who have thier wife working and not
    Also seeing how many selfish, our people have become, back in India though selfish people exist, mostly I have seen generous and kind people. Here it's pure business type relationship, if they want something only people maintain contacts.
    I'm not talking about true friends, it's the so called friends.
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2018
  4. Naari

    Naari Platinum IL'ite

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    I might have a different opinion on this. With the really fast life, I almost feel like there are is absolutely no time for anyone or friends for that matter. Even when I was not working, I felt like I had no time to breathe between home, kid, cleaning, cooking, reading, my daily dose of social media, catching up on current events, grocery , shopping, decorating-diy etc. But I admit I am a fanatic home decorator & shopper (deal hunter) & had my energies tied in that direction most days. So, I may be an exception.

    Also was the same in India. The working life is crazier in India & I remember getting back at 10.30 from work most days . So had no time for friends after college life or that’s what it feels like.

    So IMHO, no much difference as far as friendships go. Spending times with friends is more like one off - weekend affair.
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2018
  5. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Friendship are selfish nowadays,be it India or USA.
     
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  6. ashima10

    ashima10 Platinum IL'ite

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    Right about overdoing stuffs! Even we talk that we wouldn’t be meet so much if were in India .
    But we tried not meeting as well ... kuch time bad boring hojata hai !
    I don’t know who told me this may be one junior in college “ you dnt make friendship after graduation if lucky til masters . Uske baad bas acquaintances .. some with good frequency some with bad some with none.
    Most irritating are overdoing ones like oh Iam your nieghbour you should approach me first.
    I have a group here who tells me do come out often otherwise your kid will also be like you and Iam like wow ! Someone even told me aree usko Mobile kabhi kabhi se diya karo otherwise she will be like you . Not active anywhere on social media ( I was like Iam anonymously ;) ) and hope she is like me !!
     
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  7. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    :openmouth:
     
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  8. Nylaa

    Nylaa Silver IL'ite

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    Quite a few good points mentioned already! It's interesting how everyone's experiences and observations are different.

    Personally, I think friendships and the pace of life depend on location and various other factors. For instance, region and local culture and whether one lives in a major city or a smaller town play a major role in attitudes towards interpersonal relationships. Working versus being a SAHM is another factor that influences the pace of daily life. In my observation, if one works, has hobbies, and family life to juggle, life is pretty busy, whether abroad or in India. I think that @Naari's description of work life in India is on point (based on talking to family members who live in India).

    I also agree with @Rihana regarding the boundaries issue. I've observed the opposite of what the OP has observed. I think the culture in India allows for more blurring of boundaries and personal space whereas abroad privacy, respecting boundaries, and people's personal space is expected and even taken to extremes.

    I don't entirely understand what people mean by "forced friendships" though. When it comes to personal relationships, we don't "have to" do anything we're not comfortable with or socialize with people we're not fond of (family being the exception to this as, obviously, we can't choose our family). As long as one is respectful and polite, it's perfectly okay to decline invitations to functions. People, typically, won't hold it against you as it's generally understood that people lead busy lives and can't attend everything.
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2018
  9. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Platinum IL'ite

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    Like here in IL we are discussing almost everything by maintaining our own space if that would be possible in real life how much fun we could have.
     
  10. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Funny thing..one of my neighbor gave me a hard time just for the reason I keep to myself:)

    She did hold it against me and used to show faces and Infact bluntly used hurtful words but I tried to stay positive.

    I was still respectful and polite to her but just coz am a homebody,she did not like it and want everyone to be close like family.Now little better.
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2018
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