Financial Details Between Married Couple

I agree, for a healthy relationship, all of these should be open for each other. I would share my email UN/PW and mobile lock PW, but the trust is already gone regarding these things. In fact, I didn't have a mobile lock pw until my husband used that against me.

In the meantime, especially when one of the spouses is not working, transparency, access and communication is very important.

 

It's not normal in a healthy relationship. Bcoz the couple do budgeting, investments n planning together. Like saving for holidays, jewellery, property or even an expensive thing. You can achieve a lot by staying transparent. But u have to understand that the both the partners has to be open about this. This shud include giving for parents/ siblings / family/ friends / unnecessary items like spending for bad habits. Or if the detail is bothering u, segregate a monthly money for 'cash in hand'. If u r beginning or trying to begin financial questions, stop asking questions n only listen abt d income n expenses. It is a touchy subject, n d money maker can get nervous n cause fights. So start slow. First listen den Set a small target, like let's try to save this much money n work towards it. U may or may not b successful but it's a start for both of u to walk on the same path. Start doin the accounts together. Don make a fuss abt d expenses u hate, not initially. Reach to a situation wer u r comfortable enuf to talk abt the finances then u can bring in the changes.

 

He seems to be a controlling person n loving it. This is an attitude of "keeping her in her place". There's a sayin in Tamil that translates to "if u keep bending, the person will keep makin u to bend even more". Eventually it will break u only. The reason that nobody can see through him is bcoz he is a great friend but a lousy husband. U need to stand up and start fighting for urself. I know it's easier said than done. But only YOU can save urself here. Jus like how a cat can fight if it's cornered, d same goes for u too. Never hav ego in a marriage but self respect is important. So don't take nonsense from ppl. Start treating him d same way he is treating u. If he seems shocked, Tel him dats exactly how he makes u feel. Say if he makes u unhappy, dat u will make his life unhappy too. It may sound so rude wen u r reading it, but it has worked out in real life. And it's a concept of bullying the bully so he understands too. It's not gona b easy n may take a long time. If u want to continue in the marriage n make ur life better in d long run. Then stop taking it n stand up n giv him a taste of his own medicine. Good luck sister.

 

Initially my H did not share any details of his earning, while I was expected to share everying (not only the details of my earning, but my whole earning) with him. He would not basically refuse to share, but in fact he would do something or the other NOT to share the details with me.
Initially I did not force him. But later I found this to be abnormal, yet asked him about the details of his earning.
Then he would share his account A and I always doubted that there should be an account B too.
Because I know he earned better, and his account A did not convince me.
I tried to ask him via various means, and that even affected our initial marriage thus I've stopped asking by thinking we can not awake someone who pretends to be asleep.

After a while, I've stopped sharing my account details with him. In fact, it happened with my job transfer, where I have given a new account to deposit my salary +allowances.
The old account remained same. We both accessed, and he would often inform me whenever he accessed that. But I kept my new account a secret. I would transfer only a certain % from my salary to the usual account, and he was fully kept on the dark about my full salary or savings.
He did not ask me anything directly about it although he would hint here and there.

After a few years, we both planned to save. So, opened a new joint account for that purpose. By this time, we have grown so matured in our marriage (you know that we were too young when we got married) yet, respected each others personal space while respecting our marriage.
So now, we both share certain % of our earning to that account, and I purely maintain that though he shares that account with me. I give him a periodic update about this to him.

Other than that, we share our loans, EMI and investments in jointly, thus certain % from each of our salary goes to them directly from our banks.

All in all, we have a rough idea about each others' total earning, yet none of us share our pay CH with each other or discuss them in detail.
In fact, we earn more than enough, and I am sure my H supports his folks as much as he wants, and I do the same, and we both know this, yet we both wouldn't bother that much about them.

 

Ok, knowing this, my question to you: Do you earn money?

If yes, are you willing to split your finances? You could possibily have a joint account where both of you put enough money in for home finances, using the percentage system - Like if you are earning only half of what he's earning, you put 1/3 and he puts 2/3 share of the total home finances. The rest of the money is for your own personal expenses.

If you are NOT earning, and are completely dependent on him, please find a way to earn your independence. At this point, its the only way to regain your self-confidence so that you can stand up for your rights. You really shouldn't be a bystander in your own life, so don't let him make you think so. You don't have to argue to earn your rights, but you do have to be a bit stubborn.

 

Hmm, well, lets not think about the long term, and try to fix the short term problem. You earn money right now, so you have every right to decide how to use that money.

He's asking you to pay rent? Like 50-50 roommates or does he just not want to pay at all? If he wants to really draw the line in the sand, and separate the expenses, then you actively do it for him. Don't let him make that decision on his own, and leave you powerless. Reclaim your independence. My husband has done the same thing (took away our joint credit card, never give me any cash or card to spend for home errands, tell me that I should pay the mortgage, never buy anything for the house or the baby - this was when I was a SAHM) and I used to be really scared about how I will survive. And then I realized, I'm not starving, I have a roof over my head, and now I have a job - I'll be ok. It's all in my head.

Don't get involved in how he uses his money. I ignore what my husband does with his, because he is super miserly and he's obsessed with his own financial security. I can understand it may be from his upbringing, so I really don't make a big deal about it. He enjoys investing so I let that be his hobby. It's a benefit to me whether he gets more or loses money. At least it gives him something to do.

I have a separate credit card, because I don't want to be questioned about my spending. I buy my own clothes, hygiene products, cell phone, snacks, crafts, books, toys or clothes for my son, I paid for my own car (which he uses ), and I use my money to eat out. He can't do anything about spending on my account, so it gives me the satisfaction of using my own money. I also pay for the mortgage every other month, though technically, he earns double what I earn.

Just say 'No'. It's your savings, and you have every right to use it the way you want to. If you want to contribute a portion, go ahead, it will at least appease him. But, keep some money for yourself, because you need to feel like you have some control of your life. He might not think you need it, but don't be bothered about what he thinks. It's important to take care of yourself, because he clearly doesn't.