Am I Being Reasonable Or Selfish

shama146 · Mar 15, 2017

Hi all,

Posted this thread because I wanted an unbiased opinion.

I had a c section on 14 Feb and having a 2.5 yrs old toddler. I m at my mom's place since 25 th Dec. Still my tummy hurts a bit. I wanted to be here till April end, as i thought by that time I will be fully fine. Here only my mother and father live as my elder sister is married and brother also lives abroad. My mother is 66 years old but very energetic and likes to do much house work by herself, though we have a maid.

I also live in the same city with my hubby only. There is no help there except my maid who is very unpredictable as to when she will take a leave. Maids over here are very demanding and difficult to find. Hubby also wanted me to be here till April. But I feel that my mom feels like i m a burden on her. Its true that her workload has increased coz of me and my toddler. My elder DD is very naughty. House becomes mess coz of her. At times she says few things which hurts me a lot.

This Sunday she indirectly told my hubby to take me by first week of April. I somewhat felt bad. My hubby also felt bad.

So here my concern is whether I got hurt was reasonable or i m being plain selfish, coz my parents are old and they have done what they could.

Emarald · Mar 16, 2017

No you are not selfish. Every women needs rest after postpartum. But your parents are old now and don't have that much energy to handle active toddler. You should not expect from your old mother now. If possible hire extra help in your house. Its always comfortable in our own house. This phase shall pass and you will have no obligation from anybody.

happygolucky22 · Mar 16, 2017

yes your mother is old and you also need some rest and care. If you are not already doing, how about you try to be more active and helping in the household chores and taking care of your toddler, cutting veggies, dusting, cleaning up after toddler's mess etc. so that your mom also gets much needed help and some rest as well. Also, may be pay the maid some extra cash and even pay her the monthly salary for the time being you are there and ask her to help you out with additional small chores. May be you are already doing this. Leave in the first week of April so that you can still come back later in the year for small vacations with 2 small ones

Ragavisang · Mar 16, 2017

sorry replying to the wrong thread

Ragavisang · Mar 16, 2017

sorry replying to the wrong thread.

shama146 · Mar 16, 2017

Thanks Emarald and happygolucky22 for your reply.

Yes coz of parents age I m also thinking to leave by April first week.

DDream · Mar 16, 2017

Dear OP,
You should be very grateful to your mom for helping you so much during these months.
Handling a 2.5y is not an easy job, it is not like doing household jobs. My parents can't handle my kids even for a week. It is too much for them. She hinted this matter to your Dh, may be because she is already crossed her threshold. I am sure she would not have done that if you were there with baby only.
It is better to be in your own home now. Involve your husband more into it. Slowly you both learn how to manage new situation. Please don't act as a super women by doing everything thing. Take enough rest and take care of yourself. It is very important. So ask your husbands help .
Have a great time.

yellowmango · Mar 16, 2017

Congratulations op.
Op...it has just been a month since you had the c section.You will soon feel better and stronger.

Your parents are old and taking care of you,your baby ,a toddler and home for more than a month is too much.Help you mom out,find some more help and move to your place. Parents will ask their child to go only if they are really overstretched and not able to cope.

shama146 · Mar 16, 2017

Thanks ddream and yellowmango for ur reply. True managing an hyperactive toddler is a Herculean task.

dia3 · Mar 16, 2017

Hell,even my mom woudl complain if i by default make her my nanny or my other kid is running like crazy messing up their house....me not married yet but my sis n bro are..all nice people deserve peaceful life n rest in old age....]

pay for a nanny and a maid from ur and ur hubby's salary....before bringing a child into the world, one shud think of what they can provide for that child in terms of resources including nanny care expense.....if resources r less, make provisions accordingly or think twice before impregnation instead of burdening relatives as default caretakers despite tehir repsonsibilities n age !

my sisters and brothers hired a nanny in US from their own salaries instead of assuming my parents or their spouse's parents as default nanny..no good person deserves this in old age