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Broken And Helpless

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by FE40, Oct 29, 2016.

  1. lssony

    lssony Junior IL'ite

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    Good that you have posted here..
    I am two steps ahead of you, I married to a drunkard, smoker, he eats Gutkha what not. He said to me before marriage, that he was addicted to alcohol because of his ex, today he is back to square one. I feel like a fool now n have a 4 months old daighter, I feel I bought her to this world by ignoring his bad habits. I feel very guilty about this.

    So please run away from drunkard. You are blessed now to be single.
     
    FE40 likes this.
  2. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    I remember, last time when you posted the suspicious behavior of your boy friend, many of us adviced you to stay away from him.
    If I remember correctly, you were saying that he is in touch with his ex, and son which you did not like. It was against his promise to you.
    I personally told you that he will have contact with his son, no matter what. If he says no, then he is probably lying or hiding it from you. If he genuinely careless about his son, then he can never be a good husband to you or his step kids, because if someone is irresponsible with his own kid, how come he becomes responsible with his step kids?

    You promised to stay away from him after reading all the suggestions, and looked grounded. But now it seems you are fooled again.

    Problem is not with him. But with you.
    You are expecting something unrealistic. So, you are attracted to people who fake themselves to be unrealistic like this one, in order to gain something back from you.
    He faked to be a great lover, great care taker and what not. In return he got love, care, money and sex for free.
    The moment his mask is revealed, he escaped.

    Stay grounded. For this, in case if you need counselling, go for it.
    It is not just about your life. It is about your kids' life too.

    It is utterly carelessness to lose a huge chunk of money on a person, who was already on a suspicious list. Specially when you are single parent of 2 teen girls. You must act responsible, else not only your life, but that of your kids would be in danger.

    PS: What I meant by reality is:
    You must be in your 40s, with two big kids.
    As for second marriage, chances are not so bright when you look for never married guys.
    So, if you look for a widower or divorcee, there will always be a baggage. Either in the form of ex wife, kids.
    He has his own set of responsibilities towards them.
    You can't question this.
    Your boy friend left his wife for sexual incompatibility. But he maintained a great bonding with her, thus contacted her often, went an excursion with her and he loved his kid a lot.
    He just missed sex in his previous life. He got that from you, with some monitory allowances. To which he lied. But he showed a lot of red signals in the past, which you failed to notice. Perhaps, your loneliness, desperation to be in love, physical needs have blindfolded your eyes.
    But as a mom of two teen girls, you really need to wide open your eyes before you fall in love for the next time.

    It is indeed great that he cheated you with money only. Had it been with your daughters (like sexual abuse etc, as we read in news) it would have been a nightmare. Thank God for this lesson learnt. Move on.
     
    Madhumagie, NeetaR, minn1 and 3 others like this.
  3. FE40

    FE40 Silver IL'ite

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    True SGBV, am the problem, i have been big fool to trust him again.

    His son failed in his exams, he cried to me, he lost his job, again cried to me. Somewhere deep i had love for him, so trusted him again. But he used me up nicely.

    Now, i have an extra burden to repay that loan too.

    My daughters are my life always, that is why i restricted from his drinking habit when staying with me, though he stopped it completely initially, it seems he could not live without alcohol.

    I should have not fallen for his tears, just fell again SGBV, my mistake, not a mistake, but a big blunder. I have face the consequences. I need strength to come out.
     
  4. FE40

    FE40 Silver IL'ite

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    SGBV, he promised to repay the loan within a year. He also promised to work hard, without getting into alcohol, but he changed within two months.
     
  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Don't beat yourself harsh for the mistakes. You are human, and it is human nature to make mistakes.

    I have done a lot of mistakes in the past too. Something like loosing a big chunk of hard earned money, loosing parents/in laws inheritance and what not. If you count those losses, I would have lost more money than whatever I have right now.
    But I have learnt a big lesson from those mistakes. I think the lesson that I have learnt was so expensive. That's why I had to lose so much money on that. Never mind. The lesson is worth. It helps me even today to control my life.
    The lesson that I have learnt was "never trust anyone blindly" "Trust your instincts" "Have self confidence" "believe in yourself" "Love yourself and the kids more than anything" and "don't be fooled by emotions"

    Consider the losses, including financial losses as something you have paid to learn some important lesson in your life, and move on.

    He is not worth your love and dedication.
     
  6. FE40

    FE40 Silver IL'ite

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    Yes SGBV, the tears i shed today with pain, should make me strong enough to shoo him away when he comes back again with his fake stories.

    Though am trying my best to be strong, am breaking down many times. The moment i wake up in the morning is the worst for me.... am totally disoriented that time. Many a times thoughts went suicidal, but daughters' presence did not give any boldness to attempt anything of that sort.

    I have called my parents to be with me for a while, though i did not share my stupidity to them.

    Trying my best to come out..... dont know.
     
  7. FE40

    FE40 Silver IL'ite

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    Update: He keeps asking me for all his original documents like certificates, passport, driving license, etc.

    I told him to close the loan and take it. He says that am cutting his hand by holding his documents and how will he work and solve the issues.

    I told him to bring the car and give away, close the loan, then do things as he wish. I told him this loan is huge for me to pay emi every month. I told him am not rich to pay emi for other families.

    He says he will repay the loan slowly, I told him I can't trust him anymore, nor his words, hence am holding the documents.

    No apology for what he did, instead blaming me for my behaviour!!!!
     
    ivlakshmi and guesshoo like this.
  8. FE40

    FE40 Silver IL'ite

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    My heart goes for you.....

    I can understand the pains you are going through.
     
  9. FE40

    FE40 Silver IL'ite

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    Update: He says he will commit suicide, since am holding all his documents. I told him to come and take his things and go.

    I also reminded him it was his statement that he will close the loan and take the documents. And now he has changed. I also asked him how to trust people who change their words often as per their convenience.
     
  10. FE40

    FE40 Silver IL'ite

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    Should I even give his documents back?
     

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