I'm Marrying an Iyer Boy and I Have Loads of Questions! (Apologies in advance!)

Re: I'm Marrying an Iyer Boy and I Have Loads of Questions!

I spoke regarding orthodox bhrahmin families and Thier traditions n customs ..few are not possible to follow in this generation but there r families who beliefs n fallows some changed .. I said op with this reg not to worry ..
Am not saying all rituals are perfect but at the same time not all rituals are evil practices..

its ones personal feeling n belief whether to follow or not follow ..

 

Re: I'm Marrying an Iyer Boy and I Have Loads of Questions!

Did some make a statement that all rituals are evil?

 

Re: I'm Marrying an Iyer Boy and I Have Loads of Questions!

Did I say someone said all rituals are evil practices I made my statement .this doesn't need any background like If someone makes a statement them only I should make statement . Don't try to put someone in the trouble unless necessary ..

Let me correct so u wil be satisfied .. The ritual kanyadan is not an evil practice as some one specifically said its evil practice .. It never said girl parents to burden n stress themselves while performing ritual ..

usually father bears expenses ( changes are welcome if grooms parents comes to bear expenses ) is most of cases so everything should be under his control on how much to spend where to say yes where to say no ..no ritual said go for rich wedding it said what u can do .. Do it .. If u can't do it don't do it ..

atleast don't point who are doing it ..

 

Re: I'm Marrying an Iyer Boy and I Have Loads of Questions!

I don't know about Iyer weddings, dear OP, in general I would like to advise you. Please worry about the fat part, don't worry about the expenses etc. That is for the parents to look into. I hope your parents are not having any problems on that end. Otherwise, please leave it to them, they know better about that. I would strongly suggest you refrain from discussing the expenses. Just pay attention to your fiancé and his parents - how they are behaving etc. Look good for the wedding, don't keep anything sad or anything that displeased you in the back of your mind and look sad or angry, keep smiling throughout the ceremony. If you have time try to workout and lose some weight. This function is not something that you get to repeat again. So look your best and hire a good photographer/videographer. I hope you get what I am saying. Every Indian marriage will have something that gives the boys' side a wonderful opportunity to complain. Just see to it that it's not you who they get to complain about.

 

oppsing the worng thought process is first step....people who are doing wrong things and spreading wrong thought process, challenging them on thier way of thinking is also needed for change of soceity....u can call them empty bhaashan.....
regarding taking actions, people may or may not be taking in their life....no way of knowing,as this is online forum....people can only write and discuss....noone can show direct action here....
for e.g people who write in favor of joint family, one can say to them go n live in joint family in ur life....dont give empty bhaashan here....

 

what was the wrong message here and who gave it .

regarding joint families , yes you should tell them to live in joint families, what is stopping you. Only people who do empty bashans will feel bad not ones who practice it.

 

OP,

I am a tambrahm and have had an arranged marriage. I am from Kerala and he is from Tanjavur. Before, during, and after the marriage, I almost felt like I was marrying into another culture, simply because each family has different traditions. So, look at it this way - even if you had an arranged marriage, there could have been a situation where the grooms family did something totally different from you.

Things I faced similar to you - nosering. It was not something I had, and was not interested in. Luckily for me my MIL asked DH to talk to me about getting one prior to wedding. I was able to gently but firmly tell him NO. Not sure if I would have had the guts to tell her. Even today she laments the fact that I refused to pierce my nose. I love to laugh and tell her that atleast she has a special DIL who is different from all others.

The one ceremony I did not understand prior to my sister's wedding was where the groom's feet are washed by the bride's father. To me it was insulting to the father of the bride. It was the priest who explained (during a conversation or rather argument I was having with him later) that in our culture, we wash the feet of any guest who enters the house. So basically, when the bride's father washes the groom's feet, it is simply because at that moment he is a prominent guest.

Have fun during the wedding. Iyer weddings are a lot of fun, and you can really enjoy every part of it.

All the best for the wedding and the future!

 

My problem with such rituals is the SIL is a prominent guest but why not the DIL? No one is rushing to wash her feet from the groom's side. Next argument from elders would be that DIL is leaving her home to be part of the groom's family so she is not a guest. SIL is not leaving his family so he is a guest in his wife's family.

I don't mean to offend anyone- just a thought. I did not have to do that mainly because I had decided I am never leaving my parents ever.