Painful time in relationships

First go somewhere to a quiet place where you can write your thoughts out loud.

Try to communicate yourself to her, take her somewhere or write on a paper better off, don't email or something. Best way is to talk out loud. Because singing the same song in your head is not going to solve your problem.

1. It is perfectly understandable that some people are more dominating than others. It is your responsibility to communicate that to her and make her feel how difficult it is to you whenever she behaves in a certain way. Passive expectations without communication in relationships don't work especially after the relationship is past the fantasy phase.

2. You just can't always work on the relationship problems she has with others. At best you can say it out, if she doesn't work on it, forget it. Work on yourself and her.

3. People are complicated, it gets even more as we grow older together without talking to each other. Children are so wonderful at communicating of course not always.

4. Try a few times, see if she's feels for your problems. Only after several trials you should think about moving away. Life is not worth suffering and we shouldn't let others do to us. Keep yourself happy and make others happy.

 

Maybe things are not working as you planned for your life but we all face difficulties and running is not a solution solving and facing are needed. Write all your problems on a paper and then decide what possible solutions are. Your parents are not well please hare a nurse for them and some lady who can look after house. You do get a lot of servants in India. Second, as far as profession goes, if you not at peace how you can concentrate in your work. Do some meditation so that you get more inner strength. Girls basically are v emotional they think like in movies every thing get better at the end. Your wife is v immature she nodded her head first and when got married realized her mistake, you have to decide what you have to do for your wife. Is up to you no one can guide you. As every one said past is past we can't change but yes we can make our future.

 

Looking for an answer on this.
As YM said, ur wife committed to stay with ur parents expecting they will be nice to her. She showed u the proofs of their bad behavior. So that is not valid anymore.

As everyone said taking care of ur parents is 100000% urs and ur siblings responsibility and not ur wife's.

 

she herself committed to my parents that she would stay with them and take care of them until i sponsor her.

And she must have realized soon that the "sponsorship" was never going to happen, and hence she fled to her own place, fearing that the commitment would be just one-way.

Of course nobody marries to bring so called ' aaya ' or nurse or maid in house by spoiling dreams of his life, but isn't the girls should think twice what commitments they made before marriage.

But, did you at least once love her as a wife? Marriage involves commitments, both ways... but, love, trust and caring for each other comes first. And it isnt about commitments alone. Else, we would all have got the commitments and bonds written on stamp paper and notarized.

I not mad at my wife but my mother was hospitalized for 10 days and my father is already suffering from his health, in spite of telling me that my parents are in trouble and sick, isn't her responsibility to go there and at least see how they were doing even for a day ?

You can't talk to her nicely, no talks of taking her to your place of work to have a good life together and build a bond... you talk only of her "commitment" and responsibility. Have your kept your responsibility towards your wife???

i was shamed when my married sister had to take them to hospital and care for them while my wife didn't bother to make single phone call, sorry but this is nonsense from an well educated lady.

Why should a girl be ashamed to take her parents to hospital when need arises? Being married doesn't mean a girl has put an end to her relationship and commitment to her own parents. Are you educated?

The basic Indian culture principle teaches us to look after old age people when they need us, if we can do favor for unknown people why not for our family members.

Indian culture also talks in huge volumes about how a man should take care of his wife as well.

I know most of you are women and likely would think from woman's prospects more, most of you have common opinion that i should bring her to Australia, even if i don't, she would come sooner or later because she legally married to me and that is my responsibility, but the question is if this is why girls marry to a person lives abroad.

Yes, OP, all girls have this in mind when they get married to grooms abroad or working in other cities. No girl gets married to do "only seva", away from her spouse.

Neither me nor my parents' have ruined anyone's life. My wife and her parents were pretty much aware that something fishy going in our family well before marriage and I clearly told my wife 6 months prior to marriage that i am not in a mood for marriage now but my parents are forcing me.

She might have thought she could come to live with you and slowly build a bond, and her parents might have also given that idea to her. They might have known "something fishy", but may not have known the real reason.

She wasn't kid or headless body who couldn't think what meant to say.

So, were you a kid when parents pushed/ talked you into marriage?

Sorry to say but i am not expecting all answers/ advice in my favor, but i request for a moment think that i am human being too, i also have heart and emotions.

Sorry Op, it would be unfair if I favor you in my response. Yes, you have a heart, and you have emotions.. all that flows for your first love and your parents... none for your life partner.

 

@Yellowmango

Totally agree with you. OP should note the valid ILs advice.

 

Gosh OP,
You got a lot of advice and opinion. I am not going to repeat .Just wanted to ask you this - You have a sister. If it was your sister in your wife's place, would you tell her you went into it with your eyes open.So suck up and take care of the ILs ? Will you say that no one ruined anyone's life? Please take a moment and think about it.

 

Can u explain why you have to be ashamed for ur MARRIED sister helping YOUR(HER) parents when they are in need??? Seriously i need to know why she cant and why she wont..so u think ur wife has more responsibility than ur sister who is actually own daughter of ur parents??? I hope you will reply and open my eyes ..

 

I think you got many answers to your question ..one may advice wrong but not all..waiting for your precious reply

 

Why the hell will she look stay with YOUR parents or worse even take care of them????

Do you stay with her parents????

We have the freedom to decide where and whom we want to stay with. Marriage has not made you her master and her your slave that you will decide what she will do!!