problems after moving to usa after new marriage

Don't worry for anything . Things will change soon . Make your memories wonderfull with him . And try to change him as a positive way . You can do it .
Note- Make a friendly atmosphere .

 

Op...what is your husband's problem with your parents?
Is he also upset about your wedding and jewelery? If so...how is he any different frm his parents.
Besides,how does it matter to them.It is after all your jewelery.Whether it was less or more should not matter because the jewelery s for your neck,not theirs.

If you are bothered,do ask him why he is putting conditions on you. How does he expect you to go live with in laws if they are not talking to you? These things tend to become a habit if not stopped.

 

ask your husband who has told them about the false richness details. If there is a communication gap try to clear that out, Because even your husband also seem to be feeling that you people have cheated them by telling false richness.

In the long run it will disturb you both. Whenever there is difference he might raise this point. So better to clear that out once for ever.

Also never have a financial transactions between your husband and your parents. That will be disaster.

 

Dear OP,
I feel like we sail the same boat.... MIL always had complaints about the dowry given and all that... These complaints used to be done often during the early stage of my marriage and now 2 yrs into marriage I still face them now and then.... Even my hubby was not much acquainted with my parents... Even now he searches for words to talk to my parents...doh1 He wishes for b'days and anniversaries and do the courtesy talk now.... After that he starts searching for what to talk.... It took nearly 2 yrs for my DH to do this...laugh1smileybut he is sweet and understanding... He lets me do what I want... Let me stay at my parents home and at the same time makes sure I stay at my In laws too... he also makes sure that none of us neither his mom nor me gets hurt... What I wanna say here is husbands take lot of time Infact years together to gel up with wives parents but a wife gets gelled up in no time with her in laws.... #hard fact:bang

 

OP

Could you clear one doubt of mine please.
Did your parents in anyway posture to have a higher status than they have to get you a good alliance ,which a number of people do.
If yes,your ILs choice to holding it against them is justified.
It might not be dowry but the dishonesty that might be bothering them.
How they want to react is their prerogative .


Another question is how tactful or mature are your parents when it comes to handling sensitive relationships?
The mall incident that you quoted would certainly offend anybody.I mean dropping you at door and driving away is extremely bad manners.Given your mom's condition ,she could have at least came inside ,exchanged greetings and excused herself real quick citing her problem.Or at least made a phone call to explain. That's how courtesy works not only in these relationships but otherwise too.

Your husband seems to be a good man.Well brought up,who knows how to treat his new wife well despite what happened between families.

I can feel your alacrity for the situations to resolve between the families for parents' misery is hard to bear for any daughter.
But as somebody posted above,if there have been inappropriate actions from the elders does not mean you start feeling despondent for yourself.You might be young and naive but they are mature enough to handle it own their own.


For now,be happy with that wonderful husband of yours. Savor every good moment that this new life has to offer. Learn all the lessons that it makes you.
Eventually ,when they see their chidren happy together,both set of parents will melt with the warmth that you'll exude from your home.

 

As for your visit to India,you'll have to be visiting and staying in both the homes.
I'd say, seize this opportunity to make things better between yourself and your ILs,however,little you may achieve.It would not be advisable to speak for or be an advocate for your parents as your relationship with them needs to be strengthened first and there's should follow.

Can't help quoting my husband here when this morning he was helping our son with knotted shoe laces."You can tie a knot very fast ,but it takes a lot of time ,patience and skill to untie it and this applies not only to shoe laces but life too"

 

OP... when your mom was suffering from a wound that suddenly start oozing... you should have called your husband out .. take your mom to nearby doctor and dress the wound and come back to your new home.. offer her food, drink and rest and then take it forward from there...

dropping you at the front gate and leaving in a hurry is still a bad choice..

OP... can you also see that you have a certain mental block in dealing with your DH and ILs?? I can see that your ILs are cold towards you... but your DH sounds ok and reasonably fair in dealing with things and you are not making use of his sane head... you have to now clear your mental blocks and steer it towards right behaviour...

 

Hi Sanya,

I absolutely understand your situation. But, you have to understand that these things are not important. I still can't believe that you agreed to stay at your in laws house for a month without even meeting your parents. Why did you accept this condition? You are very silly. You have to be bold enough and have guts to tell your husband that he cannot force you with conditions like these. when he cannot talk to your parents, how can you agree to go and live at your inlaws place. This sounds so stupid to me. Speak for yourself. Nobody can save you if you don't speak against this. Have self respect. We are not here to obey their orders. You need to improve self esteem. By the way this world will not turn upside down if your inlaws don't talk to you and your parents. Your parents are nice and don't try to degrade them. Your inlaws and even your husband should focus on you instead of finding faults with people. You behave the same way with your in laws as your husband behaves with your parents. Have pride in being a women. Start feeling confident. Life doesn't end with inlays and husband..... Take care.

Roses3