Shameless neighbour

Dear OP, though the scene is so irritating we cannot do anything about that because it is happening inside her home. We have no clue whether she is doing it willingly or without knowing. If she has good rapport with her neighbours we can atleast tell her that it is looking so odd but in your case she seems to be not a friendly one so it is better to avoid her, but if she is spoiling our minds or our family members mind then we need to completely close our window. This is what i will do if i am in your situation.

No where OP has mentioned that her DH has issue with this then i dont understand why some replies are coming here and stating some funny comments on her and her DH, this is seriously not a welcoming one. that is where the personal attacks is getting started i guess....

At the same time i do agree with the aspects of growing up kids with what we as a parent teaches. Kids may arises numerous doubts and also gets confused with what they watches in TV and what the reality is. But if we explain it in clear sense then we can definitely avoid the issues in many ways. They listen to what their parents tells, they definitely fix up their mind saying what their parents and teachers saying are 100 pct correct.

I will tell what happened in my apartment, we live in chennai and our area is still not such a modern one. My next door resident was wearing shorts 3/4th one day, and my daughter never seemed such cloth anywhere else (apart from TV), so very curiously she asked "Mom, see that aunty is wearing such a short cloth" in a very surprising and disliking manner. Because she never seen me wearing the shorts! I told her "this is also a kind of dress where some people likes to wear during summer", the next immediate question she asked "then why you are not wearing?" i knew the question will be arised, for that i said "i do not like to wear because this is so short".

I did not hide anything from her, i told my preferences and others choice also. So when she is teen my answer will be the same. But i might tell her the consequences of wearing in public places in some places, in chennai itself there are some places where noone will mind if we wear shorts, but there are still some places where this seems to be not a decent dress. So we can definitely tell our kids what is safe and what is good and what is choice etc, moreover we can be a role model for our kids, because the first place where the kid is learning things is from the home!!

 

Hello Mimi77,

Instances of sexual assault on women keep happening. Do you believe, that neighbourhood woman of you who exposes ' sleazy' dress, and women alike her who wear such dresses are more prone to sexual assaults ?

Sorry for the diversion ! Just wanted to see your way looking at this issue !

 

How can one know what the other is imagining? Even if someone imagined a well-toned, dehaired, sevelte heroine in good shape in a skimpy nightie, how can one conclude that she is shameless or of loose character?? There is no clarity on the kind of so-called nonsense and shameless activities she did in this thread. Then why is that neighbour being labelled a slut indirectly?

There is nothing wrong in having hair, flab and sagging flesh. What kind of impact does such features have on a person's character? I see a few moms come to the bus station in sleeveless nighties/salwars with unshaved underarms to drop off their kids. Doesn't mean they are loose and displaying their revolting features wantedly. They may have no time to take care of their body. They may have saggy boobs from breastfeeding and not working out since they have no time. What does character have to do with one's appearance?


And its ok to cover up such revolting and disgusting features of women and be ok and cool when men display saggy man-boobs and saggy underarms? Even a handful of women will not say a word against a man dressing/behaving inappropriately in public. If its a woman, the entire lot will be more than eager to shut her up and drive her away.

How about very old people? Most of them have saggy features, flab, unshaved underarms, etc. That is after a lifetime of work, sacrificing themselves for children and trying to put some sense into them.
Should we ignore what they have done through their lifetime and shun all old people because they have revolting features?

 

@JanSri:
I agree with what you mentioned here. I am facing a similar situation at home and at work. I feel comfortable wearing shorts (especially because of summer) at home, that is considered a big no no in India. This was nothing when I was abroad. Same is the case with formal skirts. I don't wear them at work anymore in India and I have to go for salwars or formal shirts/pants. There is a difference in the way we are treated based on the way we dress.
Also, I agree that in closed communities/apartments, common responsibility is a key factor for living peacefully. As OP mentioned in her posts, that neighbor was wearing whatever she wore in her house. Had she done something like that in a common area of that society like a children's play area or a store, that's something to talk about.

A common responsibility is to not look at other houses too. Had it bothered anyone for a long time, it would have taken just five minutes to walk up to her and explain things decently. This kind of responsibility would have saved that lady from getting evicted along with her 2 kids. Looking out for neighbors in the tiniest ways, even if there is no full-fledged relationship is not a complicated thing to do.

I have been trying to explain this repeatedly. Had this been a guy, women just walk away and close their doors. I have seen some women comfortably talking to neighbors wearing just a pair of boxer shorts and standing out in a common balcony. No one comments about a guy's character when he dresses almost nude. So for men to behave like a brat and have a "I'll do what I want" mentality is accepted?!!
Then why a different approach towards women from women is what I don't understand.

 

@Sparkle, I completely agree with most of what you say. Having said that, exhibitionism for whatever reason is just wrong, imo. When I was abroad, all my windows looked into greenery and I had gotten so used to it. After coming here, my living room window looks out into the street and my neighbours living across on the higher floors, can directly look into the happenings in my living room - so I keep it closed. All the other windows look into the neighbour's walls on either side (faded paint). For me it has become a habit to look out through the window. A window is there to provide fresh air and to look out from. I dont think the OP was looking for the neighbour in question.

Having said that, the point I was trying to convey in my earlier post was 'Be a Roman in Rome'. When I was young (about 12 or 13), when I went to visit my grandparents in the village, I used to wear skirts (3/4th) and tops, my thatha said to me, 'You have to wear half-saree. This is a village. You cant dress here like this.'. I was only a little girl. And after that I used to find one reason or the other to not go there at all. My grandfather used to find even a salwar objectionable.

So, we need to look at things in context, where the person is living, what are the circumstances, etc....,. Anything quoted out of context will seem like something else always.

At the end of the day, any normal person, IMO, would want to have amicable relationship with their neighbours. Afterall we are social animals. Exhibitionism to me screams not-normal ( I wouldnt use the word abnormal ).

Also, I dont remember mentioning about either men or women in particular. So dont understand some parts of your post (as you've quoted mine).

J

 

Exhibitionism for some reasons is right. IMO.
Sports wear is usually very revealing. But there is a matter of comfort and performance. (Mentioned this somewhere else)
Not only men, but women are also sensitive to heat, getting rashes, prickly heat etc. So if a woman wears a nightie that is not like a tent or some sleeveless top and a pair of shorts - just for her own sake, that is right.
Hospital gowns are very revealing. This cannot be a bad exhibitionism. It is a part of a patient's repair or recovery.
Isolating the rights from the wrong will lead to clarity, instead of generalization.

(General thought: If any kind of exhibitionism is wrong, how is wearing a saree that reveals one side completely open and showing off almost the entire cleavage area correct? Why doesn't anyone correct a woman wearing a saree this way but goes about complaining about women wearing other kind of clothes?? thinkingsmiley )

Correct, looking at the context is what almost all posters including me did. The context most posters looked at is not what she was wearing and was at where she was dressed that way. That was within her house. And its her house and she had the choice to draw the curtains or not and leave the windows open or not.
If such behavior was bothersome, that society could have established some common rules for men,women and children biglaugh) about dressing in the first place instead of letting her stay there and then evicting her.

I was quoting that as a reference....
For men, context, where a person is living and the circumstances don't matter. For women it is imposed. By women in the first place.

 

Wearing what you want is your choice, judging you by what you wear is others choice.