Between SIL n her DH fights we are getting screwed

Guess you should first bring some sense to your husband. Tell him that his sister is acting silly by bringing these fights to him and to her mom and ask him not involve in this.

My mom was bringing all fights between my brother and sis in law to my ears till I started asking 'do you have anything else to talk apart from his fights? Because I have hell lot of things to bother about than to worry on what they fought'

 

OP,

Had I cooked and my husband ate some one else's cooking, it would seem selfish and insensitive to me. I would have refused to cook any thing at all. It doesn't matter that your SIL cooks simple food. At least she is cooking for her husband. He should be more appreciative of her efforts. He can also eat out sometimes, instead of pressurizing his wife to cook every time. Both of them can go out and enjoy a date. Also, he should be helping her manage some of the housework, instead of watching tv all the time.

She can not stop him from eating at his mother's place, if he wishes. But she can act genuinely hurt and tell him "Ok. But I already made food. If you don't want to have it, then please tell me before hand, I won't cook for you."

Of course, she should also be flexible, and cook some of the things he likes. It may not be possible every day. But on holidays when he is home to enjoy good food and birthdays, she can try. There are sites online for easy, quick and delicious recipes. She should try to make different things sometimes. She can also ask for her husband's help when she is cooking his favorite dishes, and slowly try to get him be more useful around the house. Her husband has to see her making efforts to keep him happy. I think he will help her then. If she does every thing all day, she must be tired, and not feel like cooking much. Ask your husband to convey this to her. Let him tell her before thinking of divorce, she should try every thing to save her marriage. If it doesn't work out, she can get divorced, but not without trying to sort things out first.

She seems like a woman who feels overwhelmed easily and does not have enough maturity to sustain meaningful relationships. Hence the need to resort to such drama. That is her way of gaining control over a relationship. Her act of taking up a knife is not normal behavior. She is facing problems in her marital life too, because of her immaturity. You should realize this, and try to cut her some slack, OP, hard as it may be. Try to avoid behaviors that cause fights with her. As for divorcing and staying with you, I think it is very likely she is only saying that in frustration, to gain her family's support in her quarrels with her husband. Maybe she is only doing that to get them involved in talking to her husband, as she is struggling with her communication to her husband.

Tell your husband that he can not control his BIL's actions. He should ask his SIL to change the way she handles her relationship with her husband. Say her husband will change over time, but for the time being, she needs to take action to save her relationship.

 

Its a love marriage....didn't the guy know about culinary skills of her before wedding??
did she act differently when they were dating and gave a false picture of a good cook?

Men are weird...they know it before wedding and choose to ignore it then...and assume that girl changes and starts cooking awesome food after wedding..They date an educated, good looking, earning, outgoing girls and then want the cooking skills as an added feature...How is that possible?

My H is the same...since his mom cooks good food, he expects me to cook the same..
Since mine is love marriage, I never understood what their style of cooking and tastes were, since we were abroad while dating. Now after moving to India, he expects me to be a great cook even though he knew that I barely cook. And their food never appeals to me even if it tastes wonderful as thats not what my parents family eat.

To maintain peace, I started learning their way of cooking and eating cuz the fights were getting worse just because of so called 'tasty' food. Once in a while, I add twists by cooking my mom's recipes.

OP, if I had some well wisher like you in the family, I would tell them to ask the guy(your BIL here) to help the wife in cooking and appreciate her food first(since its love marriage and he is equally responsible for this situation). Then slowly she will understand that she needs to cook his fav food sometimes too..Seperation/Divorce seems too silly just because of 'cooking'. Ego plays an important role here as the guy and girl are used to mutually agreeing on everything while dating and then see the differences after the wedding.

 

marriage is give and take. He is lazy and she does not cook his favourite dishes! YOur Sil and her H seem to be fighting over silly things.

are you sure that there is no other underlying reason? may be instead of talking to the H, your DH / MIL(if she is mature enough) should have private chat with his sister to know what is going on in their life. advising your own sister is better than advising a third person. JMHO.