Please help - Uncommunicative Husband

amri24 · Feb 8, 2012

I have been married for an year, and my prob is that my h is not talking to me frankly and there is no intimate relationship between us. we both are reserved type and i tried talking to him but he is not involving. The biggest prob is my MIL and SIL, we stay alone but still there is no privacy because my H says everything (including sex) to his mother and sister. This character irritates me lot, he doesn't talk to them infront of me, there is no personal between us, MIL is insisting for a baby so he is pressurizing me but I’m not interested now as i want to have good understanding with him and he also doesn't have a permanent job even though i work. He was very caring for first six months but now he doesn't supports me and i don't understand whether he likes me or not. i tried many things to change him but e is going out of my hands and not understands my care for him. I cannot guess their expectations, he is not giving respect to my parents but expects from my side. Sex is not normal between us and he has sex with me only after his mother says (for baby) but he seems to be not interested. I'm very confused whether it's common in arranged marriage, i don't want to upset my parents by updating them everything. Im afraid of my life and when i see my MIL i'm very nervous and scared. I don't want my MIL and SIL interruption between us what can i do? please help

parvathi1980 · Feb 8, 2012

Dear op, your hubby's behavior is not normal. He should not be discussing everything with his mom nd sis. Do not succumb to their pressure and have a kid. Frankly something does not seem right. Wait and watch. But try to talk to him regarding your private life. But how are you so sure that he is discussing everything with his mom?

bukbuk · Feb 8, 2012

Am curious. How do you know he is talking to mil, SIL about sex?

ramyavenkat · Feb 8, 2012

Why can't you try some counselling for your husband and how sure you are about your hubby discussing your intimate issues.

abcdguy · Feb 8, 2012

Amri:

Curious how is your relationship outside of the intimacy. Do you guys get along well, and talk about other things (how your day is going etc). I think the biggest issue is why he is reaching out to his FAMILY as opposed to his wife. I can't speak for all men, but if I was trying to understand your husband he might not feel he can communicate as freely with you.

I would work on trying to fix your communication so he doesn't have to seek outside parties for help.

amri24 said: ↑

 I have been married for an year, and my prob is that my h is not talking to me frankly and there is no intimate relationship between us. we both are reserved type and i tried talking to him but he is not involving. The biggest prob is my MIL and SIL, we stay alone but still there is no privacy because my H says everything (including sex) to his mother and sister. This character irritates me lot, he doesn't talk to them infront of me, there is no personal between us, MIL is insisting for a baby so he is pressurizing me but I’m not interested now as i want to have good understanding with him and he also doesn't have a permanent job even though i work. He was very caring for first six months but now he doesn't supports me and i don't understand whether he likes me or not. i tried many things to change him but e is going out of my hands and not understands my care for him. I cannot guess their expectations, he is not giving respect to my parents but expects from my side. Sex is not normal between us and he has sex with me only after his mother says (for baby) but he seems to be not interested. I'm very confused whether it's common in arranged marriage, i don't want to upset my parents by updating them everything. Im afraid of my life and when i see my MIL i'm very nervous and scared. I don't want my MIL and SIL interruption between us what can i do? please help
Click to expand...

amri24 · Feb 9, 2012

thanks for your replies, im sure that he updates everything to them as i can guess from their talkings with me. Also two days back he thought that i was not in the room and called his sis and told about our private things and the recent fight we had, i was shocked after hearing this and from that incident i came to the confirmation. after compulsion we went to the doctor for fertility treatment and he says to the doctor that sex is normal between us but i told the doctor that nothing happened between us so he gave some tests to be done for my H. now he is not talking about the treatment nor having sex with me. his mother will call some nights (according to the puberty period) and reminds him to have sex, he then does some thing and the next morning he must inform my MIL about it.im ready to share everything with him and expects the same from him,my concern is that where am i going wrong y he is not sharing his personal with me and still sticking on his mother and sis. i even told him to keep things private but he thinks that i say everything to my parents and evry men will be like that and im the only person making it serious. he will not come for counselling.

praneeth76 · Feb 9, 2012

discusing about sex with parents is a big no no...well i blame his mom and sister for listening to his personal....atleast his mom should have told him this is not good..regarding baby, its ur baby so u have to decide when u want a baby...

the only person who could help u here is ur hubby...try to talk with him...next time if ur husband discuss private things with his sister or mom...u should straight away tell them why u are listening to his words..its between me and my hubby.....better keep away from my personal...

don't loose hope

bukbuk · Feb 9, 2012

amri24 said: ↑

thanks for your replies, im sure that he updates everything to them as i can guess from their talkings with me. Also two days back he thought that i was not in the room and called his sis and told about our private things and the recent fight we had, i was shocked after hearing this and from that incident i came to the confirmation. after compulsion we went to the doctor for fertility treatment and he says to the doctor that sex is normal between us but i told the doctor that nothing happened between us so he gave some tests to be done for my H. now he is not talking about the treatment nor having sex with me. his mother will call some nights (according to the puberty period) and reminds him to have sex, he then does some thing and the next morning he must inform my MIL about it.im ready to share everything with him and expects the same from him,my concern is that where am i going wrong y he is not sharing his personal with me and still sticking on his mother and sis. i even told him to keep things private but he thinks that i say everything to my parents and evry men will be like that and im the only person making it serious. he will not come for counselling.
Click to expand...

Your post is quite confusing, at least to me. I didn't understand the doctor part.

Do you mean to say your mil tracks your ovulation dates and reminds her son to sleep with you only on those days? And he does 'it' with you only on those days just for getting you pregnant but has no real interest in sex life?

If that's the case, it's clearly not normal. Not just your husband, but your whole relationship looks abnormal. Has he been watching 'pyscho' movie lately He seems to be obsessed with his mum to such an extent that he discusses about his sex life with her!!!! I pity you for being with this unique piece of a husband.

But my hunch is that there's more to this in your married life. Clearly, something is not right. The issue you raised could just be a symptom and you may need to look into deeper levels for fixing your marriage.

ammani · Feb 9, 2012

hubby's not communicating properly i can understand... it was the same in my case too (this was until i conceived...now whenever he calls or is in front of me... he never stops!!! LOL!!!) .. but discussing all private matters with his mom.... strange....

just a thought for few days call ur parents (if u shud) in front of him only n talk (while he is nearby i mean) dont make a drama of not discussing private stuff though... he will catch u... talk as usual... let him know u dont discuss private matters... (i conceived after my sister delivered... before i conceived mom used to ask me everyday when will i have our baby.. n i used to say i dono or when GOD blesses us with baby etc... nothing about periods or health issues etc...)

i dont say get possessive... but a guy needs time (my hubby took a year to be close to me.. n tell me things from his heart though he loved me from the first day he came to see me at my granny's place) to be open to his wife... dont expect that to happen from day 1 (2 days after marriage my hubby was msg chatting with one of my SIL (i have 5) till early morning n i was sleeping beside him) give him time n coz he stays away dont be away from him... (i was close to him even when he ignored him... n now he really regrets being away from me everytime he sees our kid!! LOL!!! n tells if i was close he wud have come sooner!!)

about having ur kid... it shud be a decision from both parents... coz u both shud be ready to handle all responsibilities...

btw a doubt... do u announce when u have ur periods??? and u have it regularly on some fixed date or what that ur MIL can count???

amri24 · Feb 9, 2012

My H gets the period dates from me every month and informs his mom and my prediction is also same as they only want a baby for the family and my money. I give a part of my salary to him, how can I stop him from discussing the private matters to others as I can’t tolerate and I cannot even speak with him casually that everything goes out. i can wait for him to communicate with me frankly but not the former part. if we are calm for two days then he will start a fight on the third day, when I call my MIL and says she is answering very cool that she will convince his son and make him talk with me. When I come home my H behaves normal and speaks with me as though nothing had happened between us. So I think MIL starts the fight and ends it.