Me again in trouble

Dhanlakshmi · Feb 8, 2012

:helpThose who've read my earlier problem know that my FIL and my Husband's relation is strained with my parents and therefore I was also having tough time with my H. I got a cold treatment from my H. For few days he was calm and caring but yesterday again, my FIL reminded him all things of past in the name of pacifying him, when they were away for their evening walk. My husband's reaction towards me has changed again, he's quite and taunting me.
I'm very sad and depressed, don't know whether I should remain quite, which I've been or confront him.
Please advice me, am just 7months married but this relation is taking a toll on me.

virilevisu · Feb 8, 2012

please remain quiet... do not confront him now... time will answer all your prayers.....as you told its just 7 months old marriage... and now the weightage of parents will be more than yours.....never argue with him....stay calm... thats what is the right move you can make...

flowerlady · Feb 8, 2012

Dear friend,
Why are you suffering if your DH is treating you good ? Your problem is that you want your DH to care for your parents like you , it will happen over a period of time.
At the end of the day , you try to become FILs daughter and your hopefully your DH will become a son to your parents. But one cannot fight for such things with DH and force him to love your parents like he cannot force you.
Please ignore whatever is being said about your parents but talk about it in private with DH that it hurts your feelings, if you confront him the situation will worsen.
Deal with tact, take care of your new family , when DH sees how much you do he will also appreciate your efforts. Soon they will stop discussing your parents and what they said before marriage(read your previous thread).
Dont fight your parents battles as you are innocent and were not involved in the earlier talks.You can tell your DH that you did not know what happened.
Why not ask your parents to clear the misunderstandings with your FIL and DH?

Dhanlakshmi · Feb 8, 2012

@Flowerlady: I've tried to talk with him and also asked him to live in the present and not let it effect coz past. My parents also asked me to remain quite and not to bother and that they're fine. So I was calm and quite. Past few days were kind of good.
My problem is that why my FIL has to talk with him again about the past instances when everything was going fine. He says he's trying to make him reasonable in his approach, but in turn he added oil to the fire which was going off. I really doubt his intentions. Our relationship (me and my H) is already strained, it needs time to become normal and just when it is coming back to normal my FIL again scratches the bruise. How will it heal?
I take care of my FIL, he never appreciated me but I don't have any problem with that. I thought its ok, but now I feel he's bitching about me to my H behind my back

RJMK · Feb 8, 2012

Dont worry dear..Just try and stay calm..Its been only 7 months.It took me 2 years to understand...Just keep quite and dont ask your H about anything..If he complains or taunts..Please try and ignore...The thing is that marriage is a transition phase..Men suddenly start loving and caring for their parents out of the blue..So take it as a phase and dont react..It will settle down..
I have been through this....One day it will be your turn to give back but not now..
Just one suggestion..Dont go out of the way to please anyone..First you should take care of yourself and have a life of your own...like have your own hobby and some fun time...If you stay happy and composed..They will stop and then one day maybe you can start answering them back

Dhanlakshmi · Feb 8, 2012

Yup my health has taken a serious beating, I've only me to take care of myself.

flowerlady · Feb 8, 2012

Possibly your FIL has nothing else to do except talk behind your back. Let him do whatever he wants. Just do your duty and ignore all the harshness. Such things can happen at any stage of marriage when the DH is unkind to wife because of his family politics.
Its sad but things will change and you will find happiness with DH.

virilevisu · Feb 9, 2012

yep..take care of your health..... after all these things were vanished.. you should be in good and healthy position to have kids right

so eat well.. sleep well... and at last all is well....

tanoshii · Feb 9, 2012

Dhanlakshmi said: ↑

:helpThose who've read my earlier problem know that my FIL and my Husband's relation is strained with my parents and therefore I was also having tough time with my H. I got a cold treatment from my H. For few days he was calm and caring but yesterday again, my FIL reminded him all things of past in the name of pacifying him, when they were away for their evening walk. My husband's reaction towards me has changed again, he's quite and taunting me.
I'm very sad and depressed, don't know whether I should remain quite, which I've been or confront him.
Please advice me, am just 7months married but this relation is taking a toll on me.
Click to expand...

Dhanlakshmi dear,
I understand its never pleasant to be reminded of the past to keep the pain persistent.
You've been married 7 months...It might take more time to know another family and its people and it takes time for them too to understand the true you. It must be hard, but ignore them and take care of yourself.
Your patience and silence will be appreciated. Talking back or confronting will only make the bully more aggressive. Ignore, stand your ground and be patient.

radhika79 · Feb 9, 2012

First, take good care of your health. If you become weak, your patience levels will come down and will make it difficult for you to bear their talk against your parents.

Be patient. If they keep talking about the same issue, just leave the room to keep your peace of mind.