Sending money to MIL

Hi all,
I had written in the same forum a few days back stating how my DH is abroad for about a year and how I miss him. Now a new problem has come up for which I would need your suggestions.
My DH used to send around $200 to MIL every month since he went to US. I objected to this at first, but, later agreed. In fact he never shares this info with me; I find out from transaction history/ details. I fought after the first transaction and have been mum about it ever since because, I do not want to break the peaceful relation I share with DH. Today morn, I noticed that he has sent $650 to his mother, and am quite unsatisfied with that. Around $200-$300 is ok, but, isn’t $650 too much?
Regarding mil, she is working in Central Govt salary scale. She has married off her children. She and fil (no more) had crores worth property which she shared between bil and sil (nothing to DH), and now its only DH who sends her money! And, she doesn’t even buy a dress for our daughter, in spite of all this. I am all the more disturbed because DH gets angry when I spend even Rs 1000 for a personal expense and insists that I should try and close home and car loans asap. But, the same man sends money that he ought to save to his beloved mother who doesn’t even care for him or consider him as her son.
Is this sort of feeling common among wives like me? What should I do to take care of my restlessness?

 

Hi EverHappy,

Thank you for your response to the thread. The first thing that bothers me is that he did not inform me. It is definitely not that he should seek permission, but, I felt that he should have kept me known especially because MIL does not share anything with me and he too knows of it.
It hurt me a lot because, he deleted all receipts of the transaction as soon as it came through and it was by chance that I got to see. That meant that he never intended to let me know of it at all. I felt very bad about it.

Very frankly, this time am not happy about the money being sent too. If it was up to $300, i would not have thought too much about it. He usually sends around that money and never deletes these receipts from his email. And, I do not even mention or discuss about it even after I come to know of it. So, he should not have held it from me, and I do not think $650 is a meagre/ small sum. Especially because she earns her salary, she has FIL's pension, house rents (of 2 houses) and does not spent a dime. All she does is save for her daughter.

Thirdly, I do not normally use his money to even buy my stuff/ clothes/ my expenses. I use my salary for that. I had invested around 60K in a mutual fund plan as a long term investment and he is unhappy that I "Simply wasted" money. Any time I make any investment of my own, be it insurance plans, gold schemes or chits, he gets irritated! But, he just spents without thinking of loans on electronic stuff that he has fancy on, or sends to mil!
I am truly irritated with the double game. However, I have not mentioned that I came to know of the transaction at all.

 

Hi bukbuk,

It is true! They (mil and fil) had two properties. One was from MIL's inheritance; it was a house plot in the prime area of the city. MIL gave it to BIL even without discussing anything to DH, in spite of DH being the eldest son. Also, DH and BIL are both almost equally educated (DH completed Btech and BIL MCA) and both working in IT. My co-sis is also working in IT. Still MIL felt BIL was in need, and BIL immediately constructed a house in the plot! Me and Dh bought a piece of land and constructed house (with not a single penny from MIL).
Regarding the second property (FIL's inheritance), it was a huge piece of land with two houses (one old and another new) in it at the heart of the city. During our marriage discussions (around 10 years back), and until last year, MIL always mentioned that the new house was for my sil, and nobody objected. But she said the old house was still in the 3 childrens' names (DH, BIL and SIl). And, all of a sudden, last year, my MIL called DH (alone) to her house and made him and his brother sign the registration deed, registering that house too in my SIL's name.
I had initially fought with DH on this (now I understand how immature I was) and DH shouted at me then. But now I have decided that it is much better to be self made and not owe anyone a penny. It adds a lot of value. However, I have made it clear to DH that he should not expect me to look after MIL any day, because she never considered him as her son (through her actions she showed that) and our lil one as her grand child (though she is the first child in that generation in their family). But, I would not object his giving her money.
Thanks.

 

Hi Renu,
True, i should not be furious about it. But, am sad that he hid away all means by which I might come to know of it (he deleted all receipts and other mails regarding the transaction). That clearly shows that he was not in a hurry, but, just wanted to hide the facts from me.
Another thing is, the same person gets too furious when I spend on anything for myself, even if its from my salary. He mentions home loan, gold loan and what not!
And regarding all that going to my SIL, I dont really care. In fact nothing would change even if I cared. May be I am annoyed because I know how manupulative and strategic MIL and SIl are.