Only so much and no more!

[JUSTIFY]
Have you ever been in a situation where you are expected to "doing/being only so much and not much more"? Looks like I am a magnet for such kind of situations and there never seems to be anything that I can do right (what I do doesn't seem normal even in normal situations, so forget about the one I started off here with!) - I mean, just enough so that it is right for all the parties included, including myself! Yes, yes I was in a situation AGAIN last week and one would have thought I should have learnt lessons for I have been THERE so often in the past. No sir! I have not! What can I do? How can I learn these life lessons when the only time I get into these kinds of situations is with the ones I deeply care for and cannot do any other way than doing my best? While I know that, do they know that? If they know, are they willing to see that I cared and had to step on some toes? Well it is not easy I guess and I at least know it takes time!

Anyways, what is interesting is, a favorite Children's book of mine "A fish out of water" kept popping up in front of me begging me to read it and my DD kept bringing it every night to read it to her as well and read I did and even spoke about how much I love this book! And I have done this reading and re-reading of this very same book for the past 9 yrs, yes really! But, I did not hear the message till the incident happened last week and like always everything fell in place after the whole week’s confusion and I got the message! Finally! Hopefully!

Anyways the story goes like this -

A boy goes to buy a fish and is told "when you feed a fish, never feed him a lot. Only so much and no more! Never more than a spot or something may happen! You never know what!" The boy is happy feeds the fish but feels the fish looks so hungry still, so he feeds a little more and soon the fish begins to grow bigger and bigger and bigger that the boy first transfers him to a flower pot, then to a big bowl , to the bath tub (because it can hold his father!) to finally calling the police to help him. They decide to transfer the fish to local pool but the fish keeps on growing! The boy then remembers that Mr. Carp had said to feed only so much and not much more and calls him finally for help. Mr. Carp comes with all his tools dives into the pool and eventually comes out with that fish in the small bowl and says don't ask me how I did it but here is your fish - from now on, remember what I said!

Here is a link to the book http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Fish_Out_of_Water_(book), but I have to say, it is best enjoyed in print!

Here's what happened to me and what I learnt from it! Last week, I was like that boy looking at a beautiful fish with wonder and only eager to help but just like that boy I failed to remember "only so much and not much more, or something may happen you never know what". Somehow, I was suddenly dealing with that fish of a problem which had grown in to monstrous proportions in no time - as seen by others. The fish was not the problem, the food that was fed was not the problem, the boy was not the problem for he read what he thought was right on the fish's face and acted but there was a problem - of that BIG fish! And to make matters worse, there was no Mr. Carp to help me. Oh Boy! 'Only so much and not much more' is such a difficult phrase when it comes to relationships! Ask me about it!

So trying to be like the grown up that I am, I braced myself and faced it all fairly and squarely. Yes that flutter in my heart was always there, my ego was bruised, beaten and crushed, I wanted to cry foul and say I was only trying to help (for I knew that fish was hungry), how can I be limited by 'only so much and no more' - but I knew the situation nor the people in the situation were even that worried about what I did, to pay any attention to me. They were only worried about where they were when all this was happening and why they had not paid attention! It is a different matter no one noticed that at least I had paid attention! Only fair, only fair!

As always, to sort out my own emotions, I sought help from the universe and it did come albeit as a fortune cookie after a good Chinese dinner with the very same group of people - "No snow flake in an avalanche ever feels responsible". It made my day! I was of course like that snow flake, still beautiful just falling down not knowing that it was with the storm about to cause that avalanche. How can I feel responsible? It was an avalanche waiting to happen and I was just that snow flake that happened to be there and just became part of the problem - as seen by the others! By itself, just a lovely snow flake!

I showed the fortune cookie to everyone around the table with relief and joy in my voice but I can assure you, no one paid attention to this little snow flake for the avalanche has happened and the consequences are to be dealt with, by all affected. Who can look at a snow flake and appreciate it however beautiful it is! But I had to learn not to feel so responsible, to again go back and look at the whole thing and all the people involved as an empty glass and to start fresh, again - for after all, there is some meaning to all these relationships and a reason for all of them for being there in my life.

“Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.” ― Richard Bach I couldn't agree more with you Mr. Bach! Oh the lessons I learnt, the perspective I gained is undeniable! And I have chosen like that boy to feed only so much and no more. Never more than a spot or something may happen. AND NOW I KNOW WHAT!!
[/JUSTIFY]

 

Thank you Bhargavi for such a sweet feedback!!

 

Dear Dear Uttara,

you will believe if I say I have read and re-read your response and it still brings a smile, very similar to the Mona Lisa smile you speak of! How can it not? You get me girl you do! you really do! That alone is enough and then I get this fabulous feed back from you!!

and now you do know why there is no need to speak my particular situation. When I learn these lessons I do want them to be just like the way you have described, for me and others.

Thank you Uttara....I often feel I wish I knew a way to write just a million thank yous and not say a word for your responses for often I am searching for them. You made my day! Thank you and nice to see you back!

 

Thank you Satchi - you have summarised it so well! Thank you for your response!

 

Thank you Pallavi4me for such a lovely feedback.

Thank you for those lovely words. You have no idea how happy I feel knowing that some of my snippets make you think longer - I write them after going through the grill for so long my self ;-) Welcome to IL and snippets in particular and I know you will enjoy being here and it will be a pleasure to have you for you do have a way with your words!

You are so right when you said 'only so much and no more" applies not only to giving but also to receiving. It happens all the time and it is so easy to get carried away!

Thank you for your response!