It is possible for a grown up man to NOT understand what is going on behind his back?

Dear friends

Just out of curiosity...It is possible for a grown up man to NOT understand what is going on behind his back? That too after a certain amount of times and repeated incidents and after several explanations?

Yesterday I had a "quality" time with my husband as I have sent my kid with my mom for a week to my native and we (just the two of us) are here at home.

I thought it was the time to make a sit down with husband (it has happened several times, but this time he seems understanding than the other times. Its just my understanding only hence cant explain further)

We just started talking about our past "love days". It was somewhere 7 -8 years back. Remembered the so called Good and bad days, and the real love and affection that we had on each other.

It was indeed a great "review point" as we both felt something very different about those moments from what we feel as of now.

After sometimes, I was able to comfortably point out every bad happenings and the patterns of the issues (Husband behaves good - IL's get to know this - IL's interfere - Husband changes - IL's take charge of my life - Husband remain silence - I end up fighting - Husband and IL's threaten to divorce - I end up giving in - The circle continues....

This time he listened everything.....And accepted all his faults. He understood the plans and moves of his parents from the beginning... that he failed to understand before, hence ignored. He accepted that he had been so ignorant all the times.... He accepted and understood that he had lost EVERYTHING in his life (Money, love, the initial days of married life happiness, his job, reputation, respect in the family etc..etc..).

He understood that he made a great mistake, and he understood his parents were behind in it... But what I dont understand is.... How a man can not understand all these when it is actually happening?

I warned him... But he didnt get my points then...

When I showed him our old bank pass book (joint acc)... He was clueless as to what happened to all those missing lackhs? I am sure he didnt use them nor did he spend on friends or parties. He is not that type.
I am sure that his parents have built a very big home during the same time.. and hence I could guess the rest.... He says it could be from his brothers (but both of them were jobless state then). When I explained the facts, he was speechless, but definitely he wasnt able to recollect his memories as to what and how he has used the money.

He is not a selfless type, rather a selfish one.. He can not simply give away all his money to his parents by having no penny on his account (it is possible if he as taken it from our acc and save it in his, but his acc shows a zero balance now).

For me, it is clear that he has given his money to his parents, but he was not in his real sense then... What is that mean? How can someone forget or lose his sense in a normal term?

Likewise, he did everything but definitely without his knowledge... How? is it possible? may I trust this man or is this yet another excuse?

 

Re: It is possible for a grown up man to NOT understand what is going on behind his b

Dear Satchi

You are right... No doubt in it

I agree.. But why? Why cant these men see the reality even after so many years of problematic life? It is NOT only their wife's life is ruined, but their lives also being damaged drastically. No one want their own personal life to be used by someone? No one want to let their own life (that too at their young age) go just like that?

Well... I made this statement after having analysed so many factors over the last couple of months.. Indeed, I am spending a lot of time and energy in working my marriage, but I really dont know whether it is just a mere waste.

A) It is very clear that I have deposited XXXXXX lacks to our joint acc... and I had no access to that account as I stayed in a war zone for work. I trusted my husband more than anything given it was a love marriage.
B) The remaining balance was XXX and so it is visible that another XXX is missing
C) We havent taken any foreign or even major domestic trips during those times and not invested anything
D) My husband was also working in a somewhat highly paid job in India, and his salary and (pre marriage) savings were more than enough for our casual expenses.
E) My husband didnt have a EMA, or other bad habits that makes him to spend lots of money
F) There is no evidence that he spent on parties, trips or something similar to that... He seldom has friends to go around, and that too wont make him lose such a huge amount
G) He didnt stay in a luxury apartment, didnt have a car, didnt have such latest electronic equipments
H) He is so selfish guy, so he wont be too generous on others to lose his money

BUT....
A) My FIL and team moved to our city, purchased a house, and spent too much on renovating it
B) They have changed their life style as to match with metro life, hence spent too much on shoping
C) Bought a car and air conditioned their rooms
D) Both my younger BILs were just staying at home and looking for jobs then, so they were not the source of money
E) FIL doesnt receive Govt pension, doesnt have a job, and no insurance plan... He doesnt have a huge amount in his bank to get a huge interest for such spending

Logically it is evident that my money has been spent on my ILs. But my husband is not a selfless guy to give everything to his parents and have nothing to him.. I mean he has nothing saved on his account, hence he keeps on staying with me despite of all the disrespects and fights. He is indeed a selfish man, so if he has given those money to them with his consent, then he must have saved almost equal amount on his personal acc too. But it looks like he has let them get whatever they wanted and didnt bother about his financial security...

It could be

1 - He must have thought that I will continue to work in Sudan and fill our account with another XXXXXX lackhs, so there wont be any financial insecurity in our (his) life

OR
2 - He has been totally ignorant or unaware of the happenings around him... It is not simple carelessness but a serious medical issue like memory loss... Then someone must have used his problem to their personal benefit.

Here the question is.. It is possible to lose your memory temporarily and do all the bad stuff and then come back to normal state?

 

Re: It is possible for a grown up man to NOT understand what is going on behind his b

Thanks for the prayers and wishes... This gives me a lot of courage

I know that past is past and that shouldnt be repeated anymore. But I really need to know what is my husband's problem?

1) Is he really cheating me? Used my money on his parents willingly and now acting as if he knows nothing?
2) Has any serious issues? Threat from outsiders, so he has lost the money and lost his job as well?
3) Has any medical issues like memory loss or loss of attention? Ignorance also a kid of issue that need to be tackled
4) Has someone used his nature or disturbed state of mind?

Actually I need to know what exactly has happened? I cant open this long personal discussion when my mom or baby are around? But this time I think I must make a life time decision after clearly knowing all the facts.

I dont want to be emotional anymore, but for the last time I am thinking of giving him a chance if he has been suffering from other issues (like medical or threats)... That's all.

 

Re: It is possible for a grown up man to NOT understand what is going on behind his b

which means I can be justified for not being able to make a solid decision for my prolonged marital problems given that I am not a professional in this stream. Just kidding