Emotional side of sex life in Marriage

Sorry. I landed up in utter confusion, after reading your post.:spin What do you want from starting this thread ? Please explain clearly and briefly again.

 

I am glad to see this topic here Riyagan.
Married life is not all divine talk about love and support alone. A physical relationship is very important. Not the most important thing, but it is equally necessary as mutual understanding of emotions is.

Nature's law suggests a man and a woman come together to reproduce and to keep the race alive and flourishing. But there's more to the physical intimacy than just making babies. It shows their attraction to each other in so many other ways. The very act of love making is the most natural thing on earth and there's nothing to feel ashamed of it.

Yes, people have their preferences and reservations about the topic. Their family background, their personal experiences and how they perceive it from what they see in day to day life determines its necessity and importance to them.

In my opinion, the lack of intimacy can be perceived as a lack of communication in the monogamous relationship. And the sooner it is resolved, the better it is for the couple. I know its not been that way for ever. Yes, these discussions did not determine the success or failure of marriage for our predecessors. But this day and age has its own demands and we seem more vocal about our basic needs. And mismatch in this context can make it a pretty bumpy ride.

**** is a whole other topic. I could go on and on about it. Its only as healthy as the couple's level of need for it. An innocent peek to keep motivated does not sound like such a big deal as long as both of you are on the same page. But its not seen the same way by everyone. A person's exposure to such means determines his or her understanding of it. Anything in moderation is manageable. But this is one thing that if out of control can destroy marriages. I usually see women loosing self assurance and confidence when the husband ignores her and resorts to ****. It can make her question her own physical appearance and drive her to a depressing and self-demeaning life. Its not easy to come out of it, but an understanding couple can try and work their way out.

Anyway, I guess (in my own discreet way) I'm saying that this is not something that should be seen as a taboo and women should be able to discuss about it in a healthy manner. Exposure for women in this area is pretty limited as compared to men and the better they try to know about it, the lesser the surprises. I also see it as yet another way to truly understand your partner.

 

Dear riyagan,
All the points raised by you are good and valid points. As far as I understand it, men always get turned on when watching ****, any time of the day (and also night). Also, there are other methods by which, they gain self-pleasure (masturbation, erotic massage, etc). To make it short, I think they are an "always-on" group. But, for women, there is a link between their thoughts and their body. When they are deep involved in thoughts and other serious issues (which is always what their mindset is most times of the day/night), I think there really is no point in them going to have sex with such thoughts.

The union of a male and female physically will be more pleasurable with a blank mind and only solid romance, love for each other's body and the knowledge of right areas to be touched upon for arousal, will enable them to have a wonderful sex life, not only early in marriage, but also for an entire lifetime. They must be dedicated to each other, understand their partner's sexual preferences (time of day/night when arousal is high, body parts where they like more to be touched/caressed etc.), and engage in more lovemaking after all this. When done this way, both men and women can lead a healthy sex life, not one without purpose, but with a need to show/prove their worthiness to their partner in the form of a great lovemaker.

But sadly, in most parts of our country, men always perform the dominant role in lovemaking while women lie flat all throughout with not much participation, making it a one-way affair. Mutual indulgence with the right techniques ( a whole lot of what is mentioned in the Kamasutra needs to be performed/tested by both partners ) will make it a happy lovemaking for the entire lifetime. This is firmly what I believe and wish people also understand, particularly women (who are shy, think it is taboo, and not willing to discuss such issues, etc.)

 

Married for 15+ years and no topic has ever been off topic with me and my dh...we talk about sex, **** and what not. We have a great sex life both enjoy it equally. Never had problem getting turned on by each other (day/night). Never needed any external stimulant (like ****) for our love life.

Physical relationship is an important part of marriage. Sense of well being after sex helps to increase the bonding between the husband and wife. Learn the art of makeup sex if you don't already...works wonders for minor conflicts!!!

One thing i would like to add is that, kids in bed with parents in my opinion is not a good idea.

PS: I don't think assumptions about how females are in marital bed is fair. After all noone knows what goes on in other people's bedrooms.

 

I don't believe men have a better libido than women. It varies from person to person, be it man or woman. And usually it just goes up or down depending on the particular person's state of mind.

From what I read in other forums too, men can equally suffer from lack of desire for as many reasons as are stated by women. Family, finance, job pressure, health issues and even shyness can be as much pressure to men as women. But it takes loads of understanding between them to make the other feel relaxed, not pressured and yet wanted. That is where the extra support, dedication and patience is necessary.

There need not be a feeling that the man should initiate the act. I understand it can be thought so cos of our brought up and the values instilled in us from an early age can make us perceive it that way. But the woman is also as human and has her needs. Visual stimulation can work for her as much as it does for him.

We seem to have more exposure to information on this topic these days than what it used to be a few years back. Having access has also improved with time. So it is possible to be more aware of these simple facts and not seeing it as something against our traditions can help build a better relationship. I know, including me, can not change overnight and open up our minds to all possibilities. But yes, it can help accepting that its not out of reach.

Like already mentioned above, its not just for newly-weds or for the early years of a marriage. It goes on for a life time.