Husband spends too much money on his family.

Hello,

I don't know if what I have on hand here is a real problem or if I am over reacting but it's bothering me to no end all the same. I have been married for 3.25 yrs now and live in the US. I don't work here as I don't have a work permit. Hence I opted for the other best option, that is to study. I love my husband very much and he loves me a lot too. We are just a normal couple making a living in the US. Well, now comes the problem.. my parents-in-law and my sister-in-law. My husband has tremendous respect for his parents and loves his sister to death. I've had my differences with them and prefer to stay a little aloof but cordial with them. My in-laws have been in Africa for the last 35 odd yrs and have made enough money and are still making. But, I don't know why they think it is OK to make my husband spend for things that I feel he is not responsible for. My husband is planning on going to school next year full time and we are also planning to start a family. I feel like his family just takes him for granted and he just doesn't realise it. He never discusses his finances with me but just tells me later on after the deed is done. We do have a small amount of savings but it isn't anything that'll make us feel safe. Now, with me not working at the moment, planning on having a baby and his plans to go to school next year, I am feeling very insecure about our finances and it is giving me sleepless nights.
Some instances that have bothered me in the past:

1) When we went to India for the first time 2 yrs ago, my husband wasn't making good money and our saving was nearly nil. But, we ended up taking a lot of gifts for everyone we could think of back home. Inspite of this, my mother-in-law again made my husband spend more money to buy clothes for all those same people and also for herself. It was a festival wherein, I believe, everyone gives the other person new clothes. So, it's probably note worthy to mention here that everyone else recieved new clothes but for my husband. I felt like my in-laws purposely left him out(probably punishing him for having a love marriage) after making him spend for everyone else's clothes. Not to mention we also spent on everything else like restaurants, small holidays etc that we did together as a family. Not once did my father-in-law offer to pay even for courtesy.
2) My mother-in-law made my husband give his grandmother $500 of his first salary in the US and we were just about making ends meet then.
3) My mother-in-law kept all the money that we received as gift for our wedding. We never even got to see who gave what.
4) My siser-in-law is writing some exams now and my husband has paid her fees for the last two semesters which has come up to $1000 which is a large sum for us. The excuse is that my father-in-law does not like to have a credit card and so my husband is asked to pay for anything and everything that they need that needs them to have a credit card. We are not reimbersed for it ever. My sister-in-law just recently came to the US for a holiday and we bought her a lot of things and also took her around everywhere. I don't mind my husband giving her gifts etc but I feel that her education is not our responsibity especially when my father-in-law is finacially strong and we are still trying to get to a comfortable place. I have never once told my husband not to spend money on his family but him paying my sis-in-law's fees has just made me extremely angry and upset. I really want to bring this up with him but don't know how I can do it without hurting or offending my him. Please advise how I can do this. Also, how do I make him include me in these decisions in the future.

Thanks a ton,

P.S: You may also let me know if I am over reacting because I am finding it a little difficult to be objective about myself at the moment.

 

Just to let you know, My MIL was too busy working that she just left my husband(then just 3 months) with her parents and didn't come back for him till he was 1.5 yrs old. As far as my FIL is concerned, he first saw my husband when he was 1.5 yrs old when my MIL took him back with her.
My MIL is a party animal and hardly looked after her son even on weekends as she and her husband were too busy socializing. My husband was pretty much brought up by nannys and relatives who took pity. Then at the age of 10, they again left him back in India with a relative and after that he has never lived with his parents again.
Please don't use sentences like 'you didn't marry a money making machine'.Also, there is no need to reply if you have no insight on the subject or cannot reply in a respectable manner. I really don't appreciate your language or the tone. I love my husband too much to think that way. I have to take care of my future and my children's future because my PIL have taken care of theirs by sacrificing my husband's childhood. Who is going to think about ours and our children's future if we ourselves don't do it ?.

 

Dear V6,

Are you really the DIL? cos you sound so much like a MIL who has these expectations from her son and DIL.
Well, in any case, may be it is better for my mental health to disregard your replies because now, it is getting a little irritating. One thing's for sure, you're neither from this planet nor from this day and age. Good for you.

 

Dear Umlaut,

Thanks for sticking up for me and also for the link. That looks helpful.